Multiple Partners

There is Polygamy, marriage with more then one person. Although when ever it is on the news it is like, those Texas cult people where the 12 year old girl is married too her 48 year old uncle. Or if not married its some cheating boyfriend and bleh. I am not talking about that. Gonna do this in a couple parts.

I am talking about loving more than one person. I have a b/f and g/f that I love very much and they love me. Have known both since babies and started my b/f since 13, and my g/f since 15. I know I love them and that they love me after I was diagnosed with cancer when I was 15. I was a virgin and begged my b/f too take it before the surgery to remove the tumor which was 70/30 chance on live or die. He said no, he wanted our first time too be special and not me afraid of dying. His love for me was incredible and made me love him even more. My best friend for years, who was a lesbian and wanted too be with me but I didn't, was my next option. She had wanted to be with me since she realized she was a lesbian but I was already with my b/f. But I thought if I went to her and... Well, she too said no. She wanted our first time too be special. I couldn't deny that she loved me and I fell in love with her.

But I know some people look at the relationship and just see it as lust or sinful, bleh. I love them and I know others are like this. There was a TV show where they interviewed a married couple who had a b/f and g/f that lived with them. They loved each other very much but also found love with others. Instead of denying their love they talked it out and settled on their way of life. I worked it out with my loved ones also. But still some people... look on it as dirty or wrong. I usually ignore them but this Christmas... Stuff happened, yelling, and more bleh. I figured I'd ramble on about it and see if others believe you can trully love more than one person. If you can love two or more people so much you can't be with out either one.

It's called being polyamorous, and I can't think of a reason that it isn't possible other than the other people involved may get jealous of each other and clamor for one another's attention.

i don't see why it is not possible. recent experience has showed me that loving just one person and expecting that love back is just a pipe dream.
sure, you can love more than one person. who is gonna tell you who you can love and who you can't

Originally posted by thing fish
who is gonna tell you who you can love and who you can't

Family, friends, society. Some people just can't understand it.

What some people fail to realise is that many people tend to go from one partner to the next anyway... wether it be a fully loving relationship or just a lustful one.

Our society has built up a stream of one-on-one partnerships, yet these are strange nes beginings we are living in and more people are breaking away from the 'norm'. People are finding new ways to live, new methods of happiness.

If only everyone was brave enough or mentally stable enough to understand, appreciate and/or practice that which you have... we may all find a greater and deeper happiness than the human race has experienced in many a year.

There may very well have been times deep in our ancient past where such relationships were practiced, not out of greed or anything, but necessity.

The need for a partner to support the family may have spread over into a group 'family'.

The native Amerian practice of the young suckling from all the females of the tribe was nothing unusual, but these days that sort of thing has been frowned upon or not even heard of...until most recently (you'll find threads about that here on ATS).

So what is normal to some, is alien to others... and vice versa..

Congratulations on what you have... no matter what happens to your relationships in the future, you will have experienced something that many are too afraid to try.

reply to post by GamerGal


then that is their problem...
not yours

Originally posted by GamerGal
Family, friends, society. Some people just can't understand it.

Not implying you are religious, but technically God would be polyamorous as well. He loves everyone equally.

Originally posted by GamerGal

Originally posted by thing fish
who is gonna tell you who you can love and who you can't

Family, friends, society. Some people just can't understand it.

Who gives a damn......Personally its not my cup of tea, but I wont go around announcing to everyone that polyamoros relationships are evil/dont work/ wrong etc.

You are your own person and can make your own choices. If it doesnt work out in the end, learn from your mistakes and move on, but dont let anyone tell you that it wont work when they havent been in the same experience.

Good luck with it, and just learn to accept that some people will think donwn on you. Dont let it get to you, and I hope everything works out the way you want it to

I know it sucks a lot of the time, especially when people are actively putting you down about your choices and the way you feel. All I can do is tell you this: f###k 'em.

They're in no place to judge and they shouldn't be doing so in the first place. There's nothing wrong with the type of relationship you're in. You aren't hurting anybody and it's making you happy. The world can F-off.

Life is too short to worry about others.

Love is hard enough to find, do what you can to hold on to what you have.

You said that you worked it out with your loved ones, if those that hassled you weren't the loved ones, get them out of your life.

You may have to live a lower profile to avoid complications, but isn't it worth it?

You are incredibly lucky to have so much love in your life. Treasure it.
Sadly some people are so hung up on what society deems appropriate; they deny themselves love and happiness and resent happiness in others. Sad

I've been in Love!

I've been alone...

Love's better!

Multiple Partners....It's nobody's business but yours

[edit on 29-12-2008 by whaaa]

Life is too short to worry about what other people think.

Dont be afraid to love who you want....one person...two people....10 people.... The last thing you want to have happen is to be looking back over a life of regrets.

If people have a problem with it, then that is something they have to work out for themselves. Live your life for yourself...not for them.

Well, after some Christmas fighting and almost being thrown out of the house... There is a truce. But so far it seems I'm the only one on ATS with this, situation. Maybe others are more conformed to society? A society that frowns on what I have, like bright pink hair? Lol.

If everyone involved is happy...then way to go...

Don't let anyone else define what love or a relationship is "supposed" to be for you....

However, also don't be fooled that one person in this arrangement may only be "putting up" with the situation...but really wants something different... Not saying it's true...I know a couple other arrangements such as yours, that seem to work fine...just don't be blind to the possibility...

One particular threesome (two guys and a gal), have been together for about 8 years, and have two children amongst them (that all three raise together). They're all Wiccan, so that's a bit more accepted in such circles (pardon the pun)...but seems to work for them.

Be young, have fun...plenty of time to see what works, doesn't work for you.

My wife has played for both teams in the past. She's very happy with me (and enjoys teasing me with the idea of a third player (gal, as I'm straight as an arrow) every now and then...even though I don't think she'd be cool afterwards...), so I've got some idea of the feelings involved...

That situation has actually come close to happening a few times...but when it did...I could get a feel for how she was going to react (even if her initiation), and events would then conspire to thwart it anyhow...and luckily, without an argument or bit to-do... I've had the 3-way thing in the past, not often, but it was just for fun then, and prior to marriage...so the idea if fun...but not at the expense of my marriage. If it works for you though, and those involved, then to heck with what others think....you're all responsible for your own happiness.

[edit on 9-1-2009 by Gazrok]

reply to post by Gazrok


Funny thing, my g/f is part of her parent's coven, and while I'm not part of it I do enjoy hearing about it. So I guess as far as Wiccan's go... But my b/f isn't, and I know he loves me and while I'm sure he'd love my g/f to be more like me, he accepts what we have and the relationship I have with her and knows I'd be hurt if he tried like, an ultimatum. But he already told me he never would since he loves me too much to hurt me that way. And I'd probably leave him if he said too choose one or the other, or leave her if she tried it. IDK how to compare it, like King Solomon maybe? Except instead of the parents fighting over a baby and one choosing to let it go its two people deciding I don't need to be cut in half and share me lol.

I take it there is no action involving them both...and/or that your g/f is not bi, but strictly lesbian...

If that's the case, yikes, that would be tricky...and some real grounds for jealousy issues... Also, no matter what he says, in his mind, you're still playing the field, while he feels he has made a one-sided commitment... He'll tolerate it, as long as he can...but if he isn't getting that same action you are....it will only be a matter of time I'd wager...before he reaches his breaking point...could be a LONG time given how long you've known each other....but will still happen...

reply to post by Gazrok


Well... long complicated story, after graduating from high school the three of us went with another trio(b,g,g,) on a road trip for a few months... So it isn't like I'm the only he's ever been with. But what you talk about is what I've worried about so much, and asked him about before, and her before. She knows I love him, and he knows I love her. I couldn't choose one or the other after what we've been through. I'm just going too have to wait for the law too legalize gay and polygamy marriage I guess lol.

Legalization is just paper....
The commitment is made between all of you...and doesn't require any governmental sanction or approval...

As an fyi, for the threesome I mentioned...one of the guys is married to the gal, just for benefits, etc. reasons even though in practice, it's a 3 way marriage. The decision of which guy was strictly a monetary decision...(who had the best spouse benefits)...

Thing is though, if that pic is really you, then you're still pretty young... You may change in your preferences as you get older, and drift more towards one or the other. Also, it can be pretty dangerous to get so attached so young... Although you likely feel that with both of them, it will never be any better than this...you have to realize that there is a strong possibility you will have other lovers in your lifetime...as things often change, as do people.

Just listen honestly to your heart, and you can at least say you gave it your best shot....

reply to post by Gazrok


I'm 20, 21 in March, can't wait to be allowed in bars, legally lol. As for my feelings changing, I doubt that. After my scare with cancer and what happened before the surgery I can't see living with out either of them. Even before it I hated hurting her, turning her down, because I was with Harper. She was my best friend since diapers, and so was he. It just took a near death experience too make me see that I needed both of them. Thankfully for me they both understood. And other lovers, well, I'll never love some one else like I love them but other partners, well, like I said in previous post about the little road trip we took after graduating HS with another trio. It was fun, but it wasn't like when I am with one of them. There isn't any emotion or love just fun times.

Your experiences certainly add to the maturity of your years...
I wish you the best of luck....
Relationships are hard enough considering the difficulty of two heads let alone three....but I sincerely hope you are successful in the endeavor, and that everyone finds happiness...