When Did You Choose To Be Straight?

reply to post by CVTman

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The ONLY way that you find yourself choosing not to be homosexual is if you actually feel like you have a choice and you reject the choice not because of your intrinsic attraction but as an act of will.

If I were to take your statements literally I would assume you had some form of latent homosexuality.

Although I think it is more than likely you are stretching your argument to the point of the absurd just to win.

-rrr

I'm just saying, if you are a homosexual male, and you don't go out tonight and try to pick up a woman and change the fact that you are homosexual, then, you have chosen not to try to become heterosexual...its a choice. Don't try to tell me it isn't. You have the ability to at least try to change it, and if you choose not to try, then that is still a choice.

[edit on 26-12-2008 by CVTman]

Here is my straight answer!

I think "choice" is predestined.

Generally speaking:
Before Puberty, boys hang out with boys.
And girls with girls.

Ever ask a little boy about liking little girls?..He gets all mad, maybe a little embarrassed. 'I hate girls", that's usually the answer.
remember this?


Although, I often wondered why he was nicknamed "Spanky".
What went on in that Clubhouse?

Then puberty hits. And the predestined "choice" is brought to the forefront.
People pair-off with what feels right. Maybe some even feel like they are making a choice. But the chemicals, and brain wiring have already done it for them.

reply to post by CVTman

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So,have you gone out to try and pick someone up of the same sex,just to see of course?

And you'll find that many gay people do try and live as a heterosexual because of societies attitude towards homosexuality.Some even get married and have kids....but they're still gay.

For many gay people,living the lie is all part of the process leading up to the accepting of who they truly are.

[edit on 26-12-2008 by DantesLost]

reply to post by DantesLost

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homosexuality is explainable. before you flame just read for a second. everyone gives out pheremones right? and everyone senses them as well to tell which ones they like of course. guys sensors are triggered by females and vise versa. so if these pheremone sensors were different in the sense that they reacted towards the same sex then all you would need is 2 males or 2 females with sensors that react to eachother. It Can be fixed but its up to the individual in the end none the less. but to answer the topic I was born straight.

Although I am in a heterosexual relationship and faithful to my man, I recongize that I am attracted to both sexes. I chose to be bisexul at 22. I'm 31 now. When I was 5 I wasn't attracted to boys or girls. That lasted all the way until I was 19. Although I had sex with men I was very distant. But when I started sleeping with men and women I felt free.

I let my boyfriend know about my sexuality. But we don't bring that into our relationship. Now I don't think everyone who is claiming to be gay these days were born gay. I believe that a lot of people are choosing to because of media brainwashing, chemicals, and heart breaks.

I think less than half of all homosexuals are truly born gay. I've seen a gay 3 year old. And how do you explain people who are ith born with both sex organs.

I've just come across this discussion by accident and I'm lifted to read so many good natured and enlightened comments posted here.

Particularly at Christmas, it's sad to see the most hateful/spiteful anti gay comments coming from the so called 'religious' in our midst. Although I hold no particular views on religion I respect all those that do, no matter what faith. Sadly, the same doesn't seem to be so in reverse.

The Pope has recently linked the 'gay problem' to that of the rainforests which I find most sad. With so many pressing world problems does he really only have gay things to think about it?

As a gay lad growing up in the UK I was beaten up weekly through school and suffered many injuries. It would have been safer and easier to have lied so I could fit in and conform. Denied myself so i could be free from ridicule and beatings. Should I have CHOSEN to be Str8?

With all my human failings I'm just me and I cannot change this deepest part of me. I can endeavor to be kinder, listen to others more, maybe drive better, work harder, be tidier etc but I cannot change my sexual orientation even though at times it would have kept me from harm. I even had to suffer my own brother and father rejecting me which is a high price to pay for my so called 'CHOICE'.

Despite encountering a great deal of bigotry and small mindedness I've also found the complete opposite. As on this very site there are str8 men stating they have no problem with gays. If you guys only knew how powerful your words can be and how comforting those sentiments can be felt.

My father served in the 2nd world war to help free us from a crazy German who believed we should all have blonde hair and blue eyes. I would like to think that as the 21st century proceeds we could all live in a more enlightened and tolerant world.

Sadly it seems our religious leaders strive to do just the opposite. Some preaching hatred and others wanting us only to be STR8 and have sex 2/3 times in a lifetime (for procreation only - no condoms and definitely not for those mainly Str8 black Africans suffering a massive AIDS epidemic and dying in poverty and misery).

For me, being GAY doesn't mean you have to be promiscuous...that is a real CHOICE. Both STr8 and Gay can choose a lifetime partner if they desire just as they can choose to be promiscuous.

Making these types of choices is something we can control and maybe singles us out from the animal kingdom. Yes animals do 'gay' things too. They've also been found to change sex when a mate of the opposite sex can't be found but so what? Does it really change anything?

In a world of poverty, hunger, violence and war can we really spend precious time debating who desires who and why. Can't we just accept the fact that it is, has always been so since the dawn of time, and will probably be so until our Sun explodes and destroys mankind for good.

We can't choose being str8, Bi or gay but we can choose our reaction to the difference in others, be it colour, gender, sexuality etc.

I'd like to say a huge thanks to all the big hearted, tolerant people who have posted messages of compassion. You guys keep me sane and help me keep going in this world.

Reversing roles exercise: Do you think that if you went out tonight and had sex with a man that there is a slim chance that could change the fact that you are attracted to women? I am going to go ahead and answer that for you: Unless you have some latent homosexuality, you probably already know what the outcome would be of having sex with a man because you can just use your imagination and see if it is something you would like. As a straight man, I find the thought so repulsive that I would not try.

I have a lesbian friend who has tried repeatedly to be with men only to find out that it feels horrible to her. And she always ends up with a woman instead. She has tried, exactly as you are suggesting. She made the supposed "Choice to be straight" and guess what? it didn't work because .... she chose to *do things* but she can't change the way she feels about them.

People can certainly choose to do things that are unpleasant but "good for them" like exercise or diet or eating healthy foods that are unapetizing.

And I suppose sexual orientation is technically a choice, as you suggest, but it is a choice that is incredibly easy to make in one direction and terribly hard to make in the opposite direction. Like you choose every day to not kill yourself or not to eat laundry detergent.

-rrr

Thats usually down to a biological anomaly within the sex chromosomes of a person/ animal. Again its not a choice, and isnt related in any way to a persons sexual orientation

reply to post by DantesLost

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I didn't know I was straight, I just was. Some people even tried to turn me; some still do.

You could just as easily say people didn't choose to be necrophiliac, pedophiliac, or bestial, right?

Bottom line is you've all got a problem. Its a dysfunction. Did iou know crazy people don't know they're crazy; in fact, the worst of the lot insist they are the ones that are sane and everyone else is crazy?

I am personally starting to lean towards the idea that gays go for eachother mainly because they understand eachother better ..

Women have a hard time understanding men and vice versa ..

Women are gentle kind loving (most are anyway) and most men do not have that trait ...so women like to have the women to women gentleness and understanding .(and of course women know where they like to be touched and how to be touched ) ....

Same with men ..most men get so irritated with the way women are ..they are so needy (lol) clingy etc ....and alot of men dont like that ...so they get with men .....who understands them etc ....



In answer to the question ..I was about 6 when I figured out I would rather be straight .....I already told you I experimented in the bathtub with my girlfriends and also played Dr with the boys ...(no sex ..just touchy feely stuff lol) .......................Both were pleasurable ....and yet both felt dirty to me too ...(I was too young and had been molested (no sex just the rest)by a stepdad and a few other nasty stepbrothers etc when I was very young )..........


I like men better because they fascinate me (women are complicated) but men are even more complicated to me ..and I see them as a challenge (I try to figure them out ) ............

And I believe that anyone at that age could GO EITHER WAY ...they CHOOSE which one ...after the initial playing in the bathtubs etc with the opposite sex ....




[edit on 26-12-2008 by Simplynoone]

I was born hetro, but at a time of innocence and weakness I was recruited by a few gay men in their mid 30's when I was 14 years old. I was a cute kid, very athletic and muscular for my age, and the gays always watched me and made comments about my butt. They told me that they can't procreate so they have to recruit, and they recruit by finding themselves young boys. They were rich and I was young and needed money. They treated me good which I was not used to at home. Just before that, during the same summer, a 18 your old girl had her way with me. She was nice and I learned things I never knew about,.. like oral stuff...etc.,I was confused about my sexuality as a result of all this. I decided to try the gay way after more tempting from the gay men.

But I always knew something was wrong because I did not feel good about myself. I even had some damage and had to have some hemorrhoid operation which was awful. Those gay guys kept recruiting new boys and I got left out. So when I was 20 yrs old I decided I had enough. I also learned what Gay stands for(Got Aids Yet). They even joked about it, and that was pretty scary. It helped that I met a nice 18 year old beautiful, soft, succulent female with nice curves and all that stuff...you know what I mean? Not only that...we were able to have kids and when we....well you know....it was like being in heaven compared to the other crappy thing.

Well, that is my story. I chose to be gay, then went back to hetero. I'm sure I was born hetro, and chose to be gay as a result of circumstances....I am sure I was corrupted and taken advantage of at a young age.

reply to post by DantesLost

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The very root of the problem is people who have an inability to consider that other people feel different than they do about other things, sexual orientation or political affiliation, belief system, etc.

This is why some men can't understand women don't want sex as often as they do, some women don't understand men want sex more often than they do, some gay guys think all straight guys are a little gay inside and anti gay guys think gay guys are actually straight guys trying to get attention.

It is what happens when people try to understand one another by picturing what it feels like to be the other person: We lack the ability to do this and instead imagine that the other person feels with our own feelings and thinks with our own thoughts. This failed attempt at empathic reasoning leads to error. It takes a conscious choice to just give up trying to understand the feelings of another person (we won't be able to imagine those feelings) and simply take their word for what they say they feel.

The notion that homosexual sex is "abominable" comes from spending way too much time trying to imagine what it would be like to be gay. As if by doing so one could understand why that is so.

If people could simply *ACCEPT* that some people feel different, take it at face value when they say they feel the way they do, then people can move on to other more important issues in their lives and stop trying to change others to feel the way they do.

-rrr

As a male I never made a choice, females made me curious when I was younger then as a teenager till this day they intoxicate me, some can even make me feel dizzy. God definitely made women perfect partners for men, and I imagine vice versa. I could never imagine not being attracted to women. Oh and sex with women is pretty good stuff.

reply to post by DantesLost

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Well it was probably while in conception when I made the choice. Well maybe before that. And afterward I realized I made the right choice. Women look nicer, feel softer, have feminine voices and are what this masculine being enjoys much much more. They aren't bulky and massive. They are appealing in more than many ways. I suppose if I were a woman I would be a lesbian still and if I were gay I would try not to be.

Ok now to be serious. I suppose it is possible to be born gay due to the changes of our DNA and other contributing factors of the modern world in which we reside. I do not think it is normal. But given, normal is nothing more than an established tradition or accepted belief by society so who knows. Personally I know that I am attracted to women. It very well could be a difference in taste or whatever you find appealing. I don't know for sure. But I have come to conclude that some people are actually born being gay. The day I go gay is the day I hang myself for leaving something so serene and beautiful behind for something bulky and hairy. If you are gay well I like girls and you like guys, I like tacos and you like hot dogs. Difference in taste and attraction? Probably. I've made my mind!

Bring on the women!!!!!

[edit on 26-12-2008 by N3krostatic]

To add my own two cents worth; if the first human male chose to be gay, none of us would be here now discussing sexual freedom... With that said, could it be that homosexuality actually serves a natural function in population regulation? If there weren't gay people, imagine how insane our population growth would be now!

At the end of the day I think this whole "choice" thing is a moot point. So long as your lifestyle doesn't impact anyone else in a negative fashion that's all that really counts.

IRM

I have always thought or felt that gay men and women were born that way, just like heterosexuals like myself are. There is no way to choose what sex you are attracted to it's a biological attraction at least that what I always thought, if it was anything less then you could change the sex you are attracted to just by your mindset on the subject. I think we all know that it's not something that can be changed, maybe hidden or suppressed.

I have to admit I went through a period of time when I was scared to death that my only son might be gay, he had very little interest in girls at an age that I was smitten by them. It seems he likes girls very much and my genes will carry on but if he would have been gay I would still love him and want the best for him. It makes me very sad when parents turn their backs on their children just because they are gay. What happened to unconditional love?

I accept gay people and have no problems with them unless they start acting super gay around me then I feel uncomfortable. I am an ex Marine (joined when I was 17) and the Corps is very anti gay this made me very homophobic. I am no longer that way.

reply to post by DantesLost

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Good thread, Dante. A nice rhetorical loaded question to help illustrate the stupidity of the homophobic anti-gay crowd.

However there is a choice for some. Some of us have a rather ambiguous sexuality, in that middle ground between the extremes.

I'm bisexual, and have known since I was about 13 when I got a bit of a crush on another guy. I figured (cos I was a bit of a coward) that I'd just choose to not act on gay impulses. Now that I've rather matured about it all, I ask myself "Why should I choose? What's the point?"

Anyway, back to the main point, even for us somewhere in the blurry middle ground there is no choice as to who one is attracted to. You see a person and in an instant your brain has judged their appearance and hence your (non)attraction to them.

The only thing you have a choice about is how you act on those impulses.


It actually reminds me of something that Al Murray, The Pub Landlord once said. "I was never confused. It [homosexuality] was nice but I didn't like it."


[edit on 26/12/2008 by Good Wolf]

reply to post by Simplynoone

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No. I can go either way now (at 20) and I never experimented. Not all that many people actually experiment like you did, ya minx.