Something much bigger or my own ego?

I've been having these feelings for what seems like forever and I was just wondering what your thoughts were.

Firstly, I have this constant, innate sense of my life being meant for something far bigger than it currently is. This feeling is so strong that it affects my ability to function and make desicions. Any course of action I could take, this incessent, nagging feeling is telling me that something much bigger than this waiting. It accompanies this sense of time being distorted, as though I'm running on a parralel track, similar but different to everyone else. It's like living my life as if in a dream. I try to convince myself it's just my own ego but it sometimes makes me so emotional that I spend hours crying.

Part of this experience seems to be a feeling of dread. It sometimes happens when I'm awake and conscious but sometimes comes in the form of sleep paralysis. I find myself (during paralysis and consiousness) unable to move with fear. It's sort of like an electric current that runs up my spine and collects in my chest until I feel it's going to explode.

I often consider how the smallest of my actions will affect humanity as a whole and while I know this is silly, I just can't help myself. I get bored and depressed very easily and I often have experiences that could be considered paranormal.

Although going to a Catholic school/sixth form/college I get very, very nervous and edgy around anything religious. The first of these episodes was at a convent (popular tourist attraction in the country we were holidaying in). I was so terrifyed and on edge and at eight years old I had a complete break down. I was crying, begging my dad to not let me go because I was so scared to die. He even took me to confession.

I don't like to accept things as out of the ordinary without proof and at first I thought it might be the product of manic depression (it's hereditary on both my mother and father's side) but my twin brother (we're not identical) seems to completely fine, if anything we're bi-polar opposites.

I'd like to know what you thing and if anyone has any questions or wants me to explain anything further, all you need do is ask.

[edit on 21-12-2008 by HarlequinHannah]

Hi Hannah!

I think a lot of people here can relate to what you mean by the feeling that your life is meant for something bigger. I interpret it as a feeling of not yet having found one's true calling or purpose, but I think a lot of people feel something similar - not just us nuts on the fringe - I guess it can be seen as a part of the human condition.

I can definitely relate to the feeling of living one's life as if in a dream as well, and I seem to be getting the feeling of reality feeling unreal more and more these days.

It's true that even our smallest actions can have great impact, but this is not necessarily a negative thing. If you act out of love, respect and positivity, chances are that you actions will have positive effects, rather than negative.

You sound like a very sensitive person and I'd definitely recommend taking up meditation. This will help you become more grounded, and could do a lot to alleviate your fears and anxieties. It's a lot easier that most people think and it's easy to find help and guidance online. There's a lot of great threads on this board and here's a website that I found helpful in getting started:www.meditationcenter.com...

If you're into conspiracy theories I'd also recommend laying off the heavy doom & gloom stuff and focusing on the more positive, spiritual stuff.
If you're prone to anxiety reading about the NWO enslaving/killing us all might not be that helpful. I personally like David Wilcock and Nassim Haramein, who both have a very positive and spiritual angle. And both are really good at grounding their work in actual science (though I'm sure that there are some who'd question this
)

Hope some of this is helpful

[Warning, I would not recommend David W. Learn reverse speaking to find the truth, ck. out this site evpreversespeaking.com it is your decission what path you take to find truth, but just know your options and be careful whom you believe, and trust yourself, not other people.

We are all destined for greatness, the only thing stopping us is our own decisions and perception of the world!

The only reason we can't do anything about it is that we have been misled at birth, from the true facts of this world and universe!

Originally posted by Anonymous ATS
[Warning, I would not recommend David W. Learn reverse speaking to find the truth, ck. out this site evpreversespeaking.com it is your decission what path you take to find truth, but just know your options and be careful whom you believe, and trust yourself, not other people.

See, this is the kind of stuff I'm talking about. If you have paranoid inclinations it's probably not very constructive to go around looking for clues about people's true intentions by playing them backwards and hearing all sorts of wacky stuff like: "Erased as the owl was shipping" & "Senses knocked, dead, see in the battle." (from the site mentioned)

I'm certainly not telling you what to think or believe, but pursuing this stuff can quickly lead you down a spiral of fear & paranoia.

fear and paranoia?? look at the world mate. easy to say lovely things and everything's laaadeedaaa from the comfort of one's own chair. many don't have that luxury. people fear the truth because it might not be so nice. take a frikkin chance and jump into the deep end. the truth is not nice, it's not fun and games. and just because someone talks about something that may upset you, please don't jump tthe conclusions that they're trying to sell you fear and paranoia. perhaps they are onto something. research first.

HarlequinHannah,
First thing i like to ask: I hope you were never dealt out the legal drug,
Ritalin. They (the FDA/Pharmaceutical tyrants) have poisoned our new
generation (over 2 Million kids) with this for the last 10 years now. It is
an atrocity against humanity.
Hopefully you were spared of it.
Then i have to agree with you in all your statements. It is for the last 50
years now, that people can not "be all they can be". American ingenuity
ended long ago. Proof = Tesla.
The Powers To Be will kill any genius, invention that opposes monopoly &
NWO.
It is certainly NOT you, nor your abilities.
If you are not evil - you do not stand a chance. But if you sell your soul
to satan, then you might get fame & fortune. Now, is that what you want?
Once you turn that way - there is no way turning back, ever !
===========================================
Your intuitions are guiding you right on track. At this moment everything
is upside down, messed up to them max. Evil has reached its heights and
is about to collapse. So, just be at peace with yourself and know, that you
did not contribute to this horrible state of the world. Simply observe and
learn, research, find the truth, because you are living in a Virtual Reality,
in fact. It is all lies, lies, mind control, deceptions, phoney, in fact deadly.
=============================================
If you sense that it is detrimental at this moment, you are right on. The
Powers to Be are set on eliminating 95% of the population via Nazi scheme
and totally enslave the leftovers.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It will NOT happen for them, don't worry.
I can tell you why. This site will show you:
evpreversespeaking.com
You, yourself have everything needed to find fulfilment, even in the worst
hurricane.
............................................................................................................
MrVertigo gets his jollies from spreading dis-info. They (TPTB) are deadly
afraid of the internet of free exchange of knowledge. Just be yourself, ex-
plore your heart out.

Originally posted by ringels
MrVertigo gets his jollies from spreading dis-info. They (TPTB) are deadly
afraid of the internet of free exchange of knowledge. Just be yourself, ex-
plore your heart out.

Apparently anyone who disagrees with you on ATS is a disinfo agent these days

I actually agree with pretty much all of what you are saying, but what gets me is when people say things along the lines of: "Don't buy into the lie. Seek your own truth, and go to THIS site (insert any site here) for all your answers."

Now if you believe this stuff and want to pass it on to others, that's fine.
But whenever someone presents something as the absolute truth and claim to have the answers, red flags go up for me...





[edit on 21-12-2008 by MrVertigo]