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Dreams, let's talk about them : Interpretations, lucidity, projection, obe's, precognition, etc

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posted on Dec, 14 2008 @ 01:11 AM
It seems more and more people are noticing a greater amount of dreams or dream-recall and maybe other "weird" things surrounding them as of late, so I thought I would create a thread for general dream chat & consolidation of dream resources.


A bit about myself & my dreaming experience if you will:

I am a natural lucid dreamer and have seen & done quiet a few things on that "astral plane", "altered state", or "dream land" however you would like to put it. Being that I always had very good dream recall in the very least while growing up, I have learned quiet a bit about how to interpret and use dreams as a self improvement/empowerment tool (and the implications get more wild from there). I would be happy to offer anyone a different perspective on any of their dreams or visions either in public here on the thread of confidentially via u2u.

I've made my own youtube channel devoted to dreams, astral projection, obe's, & general weirdness(whoslucidwhatnow). My most recent video is one on basic dream interpretation essentially:

Basic 1-2-3 Dreaming & How to Interpret Them


Despite what some people will say, all dreams mean something to you, they are subconscious(and sometimes super conscious or "higher self") communication, and everything you see in your dream is a reflection of yourself in some way shape or form. That is very important to remember. Also, nightmares are simply fear that has run un-checked and is now exploiting you. Just as a fun and exciting dream will leave you energized which may manifest as a good day and opportunities taken, operating out of fear will keep you from having a pleasant time and may inhibit your chance at opportunity.

Dreams are a safe place we can face and over come fears, meet and talk to whoever you want, learn lessons, rehearse for big events, have sex with whoever you want, fly around the world, see what's under the sea, view distant galaxies, talk to spirits, see other dimensions, time travel, and most important; understand just who you are as a unique entity soul or and how to accept yourselves & others.

Another good place to start getting an idea of common dreams & general dream sign interpretation is:
who have a fairly extensive dream sign dictionary located here:


An informative dreamer: Robert Moss

I recently found information on the above research (Robert Moss) who I find to be quiet informative and I share quiet a bit of his perspectives on dreams and using them. Below I have a link to the 1st part of a recent interview Robert did on Coast to Coast AM. Here's a clip from the description of the show:

Scholar and dream pioneer Robert Moss discussed dream interpretation and how the lives of historic figures were influenced by dreams. According to him, Sigmund Freud, Albert Einstein, and Harriet Tubman were some of the titans of history who had dreams affect their lives. "I tried to write the inner dimension of history," Moss said of his goals with historical dream research.

He recounted one remarkable dream which was shared between two of America's founding fathers: John Adams and Benjamin Rush. In the dream, experienced by Rush, he was given a book about the "future history of the United States." In it, Rush read that Adams and his longtime political rival had reconciled and that they die on the same day. Seventeen years later, this very turn of events did indeed occur. "The dream was precognitive ... If we have any doubt about the central, vital importance of dreaming in the history of everything, take an example like that and be educated," Moss declared.

Robert Moss (part 1/12)


It does appear more and more people are becoming consciously aware of their dreams (as well as conscious in their dreams
) & more people are trying to get into lucid dreaming too. If you'd like to learn how to do that, I would highly-highly recommend this book to start:

Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming : By Stephen LaBerge

The author Stephen Laberge is Stanford University Graduate and has done extensive research into the subject. Here is a link to Stephen's website:


A Bit About Being Out of Body:

This is an interesting subject as it seems OBE's are yet another phenominon that blurs the lines of reality and what is a dream and what isn't. I know I have had my fair share of these types of experiences within all types of contexts. From the astral projection sense of seeing an "astral body" or "projection" to real-time point-of-consciousness remote viewing-type situations. I actually did a video journal of sorts on OBE's I have had with a tip or two on how to do it thrown in as well:

Where Am I? Some Different Types of Out of Body Experiences (part 1/4)

The proverbial "Grand Daddy" of OBE's though has to be Robert Monroe who is also responsible for founding the Monroe Institute which studies brain hemispheric functions and how they relate to things like OBE's as well development of OBE techniques & tools. One product they develop and sell is Hemi-sync which applies the Binaural beat principle which is also see in products like I-doser.

Below is part 1 of 2 of an interview with Robert Monroe about his 1st OBE experience and subsequent experiences and what he saw, gathered, and learned from the experiences about our spiritual origins and a few other very interesting things.

Robert Monroe on His 1st OBE Experience:


Bringing it back to dreams and how they all reflect ourselves...

The terms "synchronicity" and " collective unconscious" where both coined by a man named Carl Gustav Jung. All you "mystics" and people who tend to like to "poo-poo" science should love this fellow as he was the scientific antithesis of the time. He used to work with Sigmund Frued who I am sure many people have heard mentioned before. By in large, Jung was Frued's successor and some might say superior in many ways. I have link this amazing video interview with Carl Jung before his death in 1961 where he actually talks about him and Frued exchanging dream interpretations. He actually spent time on things like Eastern and Western philosophy, alchemy, astrology, sociology, as well as literature and the arts.

His teachings & philosophies definitely live on in everyone's modern paradigm of thought on the subject of dreams whether they are aware of it or not as it shares universal truth(not to say he was always right, but the intention was pure). Now on with the show...

Face to Face with Carl Jung part 1:





So, Any interesting dreams lately?

[edit on 14-12-2008 by Shakesbeer]

posted on Dec, 14 2008 @ 02:43 AM
I find that I only have natural lucid dreams, I mean the only time I reconize that I am dreaming is if in my dream something is going on and thats when I realize that there is no possible way that I am awake and then I start to control my dreams. It happens mostly when I have a dream that would normaly be a nightmare I assume. The last one I was I remember happened a week or so ago. I wound up having to fight off Pin Head from the Hell Raisor movies.

I often wonder what steps I need to take so that maybe I can more consciensly control my dreams. If you have any information to help be become more controled in my dreaming I would love to hear about it.

posted on Dec, 14 2008 @ 07:48 AM
Im also a natural lucid dreamer, but i dont want to control my dreams (which seems to be the intention of most "lucid dreamers" out there), I rather want to percieve them more clearer and catch the moments of importance, since every dream holds a deeper truth of the innerself/soul.

Ant4AU, my friends have told me about a very successful method of becoming more aware of your dreams, so to speak more lucid within your dreams. Set an alarm two to four hours before you want/have to wake up, for the purpose of interrupting the deep dream state suddenly, so you got the idea of the dream still in your head, take a pen and write it down, and go to sleep again. The next time you will be waking up, do the same again and this for months. You will notice a great change in how you percieve your dreams and you will actually remember them alot better.

But be careful, dreams can turn out to be very horrible, and percieving them more lucid can be hell, so love your self, respect your self and have self confidence before you face your inner "deamons" and "angels"

posted on Dec, 14 2008 @ 01:05 PM
reply to post by Ant4AU

Very cool. That shows that you're not one to run away from adversity in the very least (kicking pinhead's ass that is). Check out the book I recommended above, it gives detailed step by step instructions on dream construction & tips on how to "wake yourself up" in your dreams. I'm actually going to be doing my own video on just that subject very soon. I've noticed some dream myths (like clocks never work right) starting to make too much headroom and I want to share my perspective on what "waking up" in one's dream actually entails. What it really does come down to though is becoming aware of something you perceive as unusual or anomalous. Some of the techniques you'll hear around the net include, looking at the clock like I mentioned (which more often then not doesn't work "right"), try to open a door, look at your hands, spin yourself around, or play with anything mechanical for that matter, for example.

Another good starting place is to do "reality checks" during your waking life as they will sort of recycle themselves into your subconscious and give you an opportunity to "wake up" during the reply of your day over the course of your dreaming cycle. You do this by taking time during your day and just ask yourself "am I dreaming...?" and do some of the above checks, like seeing if time is moving as it should to you, etc. This gives your conscious mind something to reference in terms of "normal" versus "abnormal" as well as acts as a subconscious seed or opportunity for lucidity when you got to sleep that night.

Another way is to construct a dream that you would like to see before going to bed. Imagine and record it somewhere in the present tense if you feel it necessary(like in a journal or on some scratch paper). The important part is the expression of the intention (or ritual) which turns into a memory which once again becomes a "seed" of sorts which helps to create these lucid opportunities, not to mention will end up being an awesome dream.

There's a few examples of how to gain some control. I'll be sharing more and more techniques as the thread moves along as there are really infinite amount of ways to increase dream control and learn to understand & use them.

posted on Dec, 14 2008 @ 01:44 PM

Originally posted by Clairaudience
But be careful, dreams can turn out to be very horrible, and percieving them more lucid can be hell, so love your self, respect your self and have self confidence before you face your inner "deamons" and "angels"

Good lucidity tip and even better spiritual advice there. I'm with you, for the most part I simply observe and interject when I feel necessary(if at all) in relation to my dreams. That way the "spontaneity" of what people general experience with lucidity still has it's sort of profound impact and makes it easier to gauge the relevance in day to day life if as a lucid dreamer one isn't always exercising their will and overriding the basic subconscious information feed & symbols.

It seems quiet a few people get hung up on the concept of controlling their dreams and not enough thinking about what it is they actually want to dream about or who they want to be in the dream. Once those concepts are focused, it makes experiencing a lucid dream much more likely as well.

posted on Dec, 14 2008 @ 02:27 PM
All my life my dreams have had impact on me. OOBE, lucidity, precognition are all relatively common, but generally out of my control. I've even had the opportunity to apparently walk in the dreams of another, or at least share the same dream. But most startling has been to meet someone in waking life that I met first in dreams. This has happened twice, although one I didn't recognize as the same person in the dream, only talking about the dreams serendipitously revealed that. The other, I recognized immediately.

Has anyone else ever had this experience?

posted on Dec, 14 2008 @ 02:38 PM
My dreams are very vivid they have been all my life, many other are nothing but just your common role playing dream, others are warnings, the warning kind I get probably once in a while, depending the urgency of the warning, they will come in clusters, meaning I will have the same dream in sequence for many months until the dream becomes true.

I was thinking to post my latest one as I have not have one in a long time of a prophetic or warning kind.

I decided not to post many details as they are indeed, this was about another terrorist attack but not in the big cities but around the nation and in smaller ones.

In my dream letters were send to people only a few to warn them about the attack many in my dream would take the letters as prank, the terrorist were not American they were foreigners and hospitals were part of the target, the bombs were nuclear in nature.

Well if I keep having the dream in clusters for weeks and months then I will consider it a warning, but last night was my first in a while and I even have the face of the leader to the last detail in my mind.

posted on Dec, 14 2008 @ 03:31 PM
reply to TravelerintheDark

That happens to me more often then not actually (meeting or seeing some in a dream before a waking life encounter) as well as the other stuff you've mentioned. I've always been "awake" to a degree when I go to sleep the vast majority of the time for as long as my memory serves me. For the longest time I never really thought anything more of the experiences other then being a "cool dream" or a damn good guess (which technically it sort of boils down to anyways until "now" happens in terms of precognition). I've actually gotten used to seeing people before meeting them and actually kind of expect it now. I noticed it has a lot to do with understanding where influences in your life originate.

reply to marg6043

Make a detailed journal of the dream event and do any sketches you think you can of any locations, items, and people and then file it away. In the meantime, begin to locate the areas in your life that might invoke the same sensations or feelings as you had in the dream outside of the context of a "terrorist attack". Even if all you can think of are the stories that are similar in the newspaper or this site for that matter. The more you do this, the more you'll eventually meet yourself in the center as far as what the message of the dream was trying to communicate to you and what your "empathic link" might have been to the scene/event. The worst thing you can do is walk around afraid that what you saw was a literal "straight up" precognitive dream as more often then not cataclysmic dreams do not mean that is what is store for the world. At the same time, communicating information you seen while swimming through possibility helps to alleviate tension and steer possibility away from the destructive intention and more towards the creative (or preservatory in terms of peace:terrorist) on an energetic level. So thank you very much for sharing

posted on Dec, 14 2008 @ 05:20 PM
Thanx shakes clair and will def start doing these things to try and become more lucid. I don't really want to control the whole aspect I just want to be able to aspects so that the dream would be entertaing I guess that would be the way to describe it. And Clair I am well aware of my personal demons and are not botherd by them, I kind of feel like the whole Pin Head deal was facing my demons. I believe that is why my dreams are more lucid when they really should be nightmares because spiratualy I know where I stand and that the lucid dreams are me confronting them. But, thanx for the concearn.

posted on Dec, 14 2008 @ 05:31 PM
I've had a few precognitive dreams - and they frustrate the heck outta me, because, of course, I don't know until AFTER the event the dream in fact was precognitive.
But that's the way it goes.

Besides that I've a very active and rewarding dream life. I'd love to get the prescription for stopping smoking meds people say give great dreams - too bad I don't smoke. Oh wait, that's good.

Anyway, have had some great dreams, some real whoppers for sure.

Always a great topic.

posted on Dec, 15 2008 @ 11:39 AM
reply to post by Ant4AU

Good to hear that you found your place in spirituality and progress from there, will be meeting us in dreamland sooner or later!
Good luck

As a child i had very very many lucid nightmares, also because I had fever many times back then, which seems to increase dreamactivity.. I remember one very good, flying around in white space, and nothing around, just bright white, no start no end... endlessly zooming towards infinity... that one scared me a lot... but anyways, the more nightmares i had, the more i got to know my stand in spirituality, and from one moment to the other, i never had nightmares again, and at last, found my ability to lucidly percieve my dreams, and to conclude their messages.

Lately Im having REMs, rapid eye movement, which happen mostly a few minutes after i went to bed, yet not sleeping. So i percieve what i see with my conscious perception, which is interesting indeed. And also interesting what i get to see, seems like the grid of the universe, similiar to a tron level
...just more complex

But there are really endless ways to become more lucid, or to have an OOBE.
I have some good ebooks, how to interpret dreams, or how dreams "work" and so on.... Just U2U me when interested

posted on Dec, 15 2008 @ 01:57 PM
reply to Ant4AU

Great outlook on the subject
& you're welcome for the info, let me know if there is anymore I can do to help.
But your attitude going into lucid dreaming is very constructive, I'm sure your experiences will serve you well.

A lot of people seem to be fixated on the "control" aspect since that is something eludes them on some level and they are trying to prove it to themselves. Once that happens, there really is only so much raw will-powered dreaming one can do before it gets old. The more you use that channel of consciousness to pick up and discern information the better really. If we're supposed to have an intense true-to-life feeling dream it will happen regardless of one's dream controlling abilities.

For me: At this point I have many dreams or exceedingly long ones at night, so I'll have different sort of "phases". One part of the lucid experience will be purely observation, then at a designated "marker" or "seed" (as I pointed out earlier), I'll "wake up" and do what I wanted to, then go back in "observing mode" (or traveling or wandering mode depending on the day/situation). That will kind of oscillate all night until I wake up, then it's up to me to remember what I can. Which can be hard as many nights there's days worth of events that have gone by within that dream of a few hours.

reply to silo13

I've heard about the anti-smoking pills but I hear once you come off of them it doesn't do you any favors though as your body stop producing the chemical on it's own.

Precognitive dreams can be hard to sniff out when you have them because they'll seem so highly symbolic because we have no idea what the context is...not knowing that context hadn't actually come to pass yet and those symbols where actually literal representations. But at the same time, those "representations" are still symbols(dream sign) and are your empathic link to that future event. If you trace back that influence(even if on a universal level) I bet you probably could have seen the events coming in many different ways.

I've also noticed there is a distinct "look" & "feel" in space-time as opposed to just being in your head, or on some of those other "levels" we hear mentioned.

Feel free to share any of those "whoppers" that you think everyone might enjoy

posted on Dec, 15 2008 @ 05:53 PM
reply to post by Shakesbeer

hi shakesbeer,
when i was younger i used to have the same nightmare over and over night after night no matter how i tried not to dream or go into dreamstate,when it was over i used to scream and would almost always wake up crying because for me being young it felt real,looking back now i can say it was a dream and not a OOBE because i always had one thought pattern,anyway heres the nightmare which i had about 10- 15 times,
it would be al black around me like i was outside but i couldnt see no stars,black floor,and the feeling of dread coming over me as i tried to get to this small tree stump sticking out of the ground,i was moving very heavy and felt very static and sometimes moved or jumped in blocks like a tv skipping a couple of seconds,within getting closer to the tree stump a massive loud noise would strike me and i would get hit by a lightning bolt waking me up,i didnt want to go back to sleep after that and would fall sometimes back into the same nightmare again,do not know what to make of it then or now.
i had a very personal OBE a few months ago with someone who has past ,and i couldnt believe how real it was everything is how it should of been even with newer family members who he hasnt seen,i had thought,rational thoughts,speech,just amazing but too short.

posted on Dec, 15 2008 @ 10:55 PM
reply to moonbeam cat

Hi there, welcome to the thread and thank you very much for sharing.

Interesting thing about "the void" as I call that all black place, is that you can go anywhere and essentially do...

When there's literally nothing around you, you got afraid. That's what that part of the dream literally told you. So when fear entered your thoughts, it amplified to dread. That tree stump represented the part of you that was unable to grow past the initial fear, but it's the only concept you had to hold onto so there it was, and so you ran to it. Realizing a small tree stump isn't going to provide much of anything for you, the fear at it's way with you and "out" you went. No fun dream that night....
Especially since you said that thought pattern circling in your head. You got yourself caught in a "fear loop" in a sense.

The origins of that reoccurring dream could have stemmed from limiting beliefs about the world or your environment that you where taught around the time they began that your subconscious was trying to tell you that you where ready to transcend that fear-based belief even back then. But that is me completely speculating there as your dream was very "universal" as I like to call those that happen with very few signs & symbols to interpret that play out in a linear fashion.

Can you remember anything else about the tree stump? Do remember seeing yourself? Any particular color that lighting bolt seemed to radiate?

As far as your OBE goes. I also have encounters with entities who have pasted on, they are always very intense & interesting experiences...even if they can be as annoyingly cryptic as any other dream/vision type experience

posted on Dec, 15 2008 @ 11:08 PM
you put a lot of effort into the post dude,

and thanks a lot for all the videos, definitely gonna cehck em out!

i experience lucid dreams quite regularly too


posted on Dec, 15 2008 @ 11:24 PM
reply to predisposed

Thank you & you are definitely welcome. I really just enjoy the subjects of consciousness & dreams in general and I definitely enjoy helping & sharing info on it with others.

Hopefully you'll share some of your own experiences & any insight you might have with the group here sometime.

posted on Dec, 16 2008 @ 01:13 AM
I need some help understanding what the heck is happening to me.

For the past few years I've been seeing wierd things upon waking up. These hallucinations last about 20-30 seconds before fading away. Today I woke up from a nap and saw a giant spider thing in the corner of my ceiling. I jumped out bed, ran to the other side of the room and scanned around for more, but it was the only one.

It all started with the giant beetle that I've seen atleast a dozen times over the years. At first I assumed it was some sort of wierd floater on my until after a couple of sightings I tried closing each eye one at a time and it was still visible. The first 4 or 5 were the same size and black with 2 gold markings. It's body was round, with gold back to back capital Es (3E), it had no head just a "C" rotated back 90degrees., and it had L shaped legs that moved in a jerky fashion when it started moving.

Then it seemed to die and a new one took it's place. The new one had the same shape, but was smaller, without color and completely transparent.

2 other things and the spider thing I've seen once each. 1 being an odd looking head at the edge of my bed staring at me. The other was a giant square filled with a spiral like design. This was surrounded by many smaller squares that were rapidly flashing wierd symbols.

Also, these sightings all started around the same time I started experience sleep paralysis events and they don't happen every time I wake up.

Any thoughts other than I'm going insane?

posted on Dec, 16 2008 @ 03:53 AM
hello, thank you for starting this threat, it is a thread i have been waiting to see for some time here. i've tried other forums, even ones specifically about dreaming, but get little to no feedback.

i would have to say that i too am a natural lucid dreamer, and have been my entire life, although i had no idea what lucid dreaming was, or that i was lucid dreaming all this time, until about a year and a half ago. i have always been curious about my dreams, but i guess you could say that once i learned of lucid dreaming and that i was in fact a lucid dreamer, the whole subject of dreaming has become somewhat of a passion for me. i dont just want to know more, but i often feel i need to know more. but unfortunatly, i am stuck on some things, and it seems i could use a "dream councelor" of some kind. maybe you can help in some way.
i will probbly have to u2u you at some point, so i don't bore the rest of the readers here, if that is ok with you.

like i mentioned above, i've been lucid dreaming my entire life. i can recall dreams from my childhood like i had them yesterday. the older i get, the easier it becomes as well. i don't need to keep a dream diary, or write the dreams down, because i remember them easily. however i have tried sketching them down from time to time, but i recall so much detail on my own, that the sketches don't do justice, if that makes sense.

i can easily recognize dream signs within my dreams, and will provide a list at some point. however, i have so far basically been unable to interpret many of them. that is one area i am stuck on, and i figure if these things are occuring so often in my dreams, they may mean something that i should be paying attention to. for an example, an ex boyfriend may often be in my dreams, whether a major role or a minor one, yet i am happily married and have been so for over 5 years.

i am able to control my dreams, however i tend to try not to as much as possible, as i usually enjoy the interesting things that happen on their own. when i realize i am dreaming, i generally try to let things happen as they happen, and only manipulate things in small ways. for example, if i am dreaming about something coming after me, or of something that has the potential to come after me, rather than waking myself up or allowing myself to be caught, i simply make elusive maneuvers, like leaping or flying, but only hide when really necessary. i enjoy being chased, i guess.

i have had some precognitive type dreams, but not many seemingly important ones.. for example, last week, i had a dream about a baked potato where i was simply cutting open the potato, spreading it apart and smearing butter and sour cream on it... the next day at dinner it turns out we were having baked potatos.. (i didnt make the meal of course). nothing too exciting, but it was interesting to me.

the thing is, i would like to be able to take this all a step (or a few steps) further. the subconcious is fascinating to me, and so are my dreams. but i have never had an obe, or been able to astral project, to my knowledge. it seems that no matter how much information i take in regarding how to do these things, i still am unable to really "get it". until i "get it", to me these dreams are nothing but "just dreams", with no real meaning, and i'd really like to believe this is not really the case, at least in some instances.

going to have to make a second post, sorry for being so long winded!

posted on Dec, 16 2008 @ 04:06 AM
continued from above:

and as far as having any interesting dreams lately, i did have one last night that is one of the more interesting dreams i've had lately.. it was a bit different than most dreams, as i was dreaming within the dream, which is a first:

i was having some kind of sleep over of sorts at my parents' house, in the basement where my bedroom was growing up. there was many people there, all scattered in beds asleep mostly. i knew at least some of them, all people from somewhere in my past (people from my past is hugely common in my dreams, and also one of my dream signs).

within my dream, i dreamt i was standing on a flat boat type thing, and it had one sail attached to it. it was very simple, not a boat exactly, just flat. there were 3 other people standing on this thing with me, and we were floating in a big body of water. each standing in one corner, probably to keep it balanced. it was not big, probably roughly 6'x6' or so.

the water was calm at first but eventually it became crazy with big waves and such. so it was harder to keep balanced between the 4 of us, etc. i knew each of the other 3 people on this thing with me also, again people i once knew in the past sometime.

anyway, i woke up, in my dream that is, and kind of sat up in bed. the person who was sleeping next to me also woke up, and 2 other people sleeping on another bed in the room woke up as well. all 3 of these people were the ones on the boat thing in my dream. we all woke at the same time, and then i realized we had all just shared that dream. we all just looked at eachother in an understanding way, although it seemd like quite the revelation to me, i was very excited to have shared a dream with the others. that was basically it.

it was pretty short and simplistic, but i believe this was the first time i've had a dream within a dream, and the first time i've had that feeling of sharing a dream with someone else.

anyway, i've gone on long enough here
thanks for reading!

posted on Dec, 16 2008 @ 04:47 AM
reply to post by Shakesbeer

Ok you asked for it.
These are just polar in their differences but are both examples of what I mean by *whoppers*.

Dream 1:

Driving in my Jeep down a road close to my home I hit a large white rabbit that leapt from the bushes directly onto the road in front of the pickup.
I stopped the Jeep and ran back to the rabbit.
It looks up at me and says “You’re so mean. You hit me and leave me so.”
I replied, “I have a knife and a gun in my Jeep, what would you rather I used”?
(It didn’t need to be said I’d put the rabbit out of it’s misery).
“Use the knife, I want your hands bloodied”.
I went back and got the knife, put the hare out of it’s misery, though I didn't’ see how I used the knife, I just knew it was now out of it’s misery.

Next day in my Jeep with my fiance I told him about the dream, how unsettling it was.
In fact, I was reminded of the dream as I was driving on the same road, but hadn’t reached the *dream area* yet.
As I finished my story we rounded a corner onto a flat area from my dream.
Exactly where I saw the rabbit in the dream, a large white rabbit jumped out of the bushes, but RAN BESIDE THE JEEP before running off into the bushes again.
I stopped the Jeep, my finance and I looked at each other - our mouths hanging open.

Dream 2:

I this dream I heard music so beautiful it hurt.
I was crying in my dream with a joy increasing, joy so profound, crying in the splendor of it all, the love and acceptance and the feeling of *home*.

Then a deep confusion, (but a joy so indescribable it still hurts to think of) flooded through me.

I closed my eyes in the dream but could still see the *scene* before me: A blinding white light engulfing a silhouette of a man sitting Indian style at my feet, the blackness of a piece of plywood leaning to the side, the mans head bent as if in prayer just touching the silhouette of the wood.
A bone shattering explosion like a slamming door and the vision in the dream, was gone.

I felt completely and forever cut off from the joy, from the indescribably joy of that white love, the music, the man.
Just like a door closing - that’s what stuck with me for years - the door closing between me and heaven.

Years later my husband of 10 months took his life just outside our back door in a horse shed, his head leaning up against a piece of plywood.
I walked outside to find him - just to look down on his head as he pulled the trigger.

Time to post before I don’t.
That’s all I have to say about that.


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