Let’s have a look at my opponent’s concerns:
Christmas Elves, a Dangerous Hybrid?
A “dangerous” hybrid? I think not. We don’t know for sure exactly how many elves there are at the North Pole because the census takers refuse to
go there (partly because it’s just too darn cold and partly because their office received an anonymous letter threatening to withhold Christmas
presents from their children if they did go). However, we can assume that there are a bunch to be making all those toys. How, then, does one man
control them all if they’re dangerous? We know that Santa has some magic. Depending on what traditions and legends one considers, Santa may possibly
have the ability to fly (or make reindeer fly), the ability to shapeshift (or make himself small enough to get up and down chimneys), the ability to
time travel (how else does he cover the whole world in one night?), and the ability to teleport (otherwise how does he get into houses with no
chimney?). Although he might possibly also have (or borrow) a bit of elven glamour (think about it - would we ordinarily find an old white-haired
overweight dude wearing a bright red suit attractive
?), there has never been any indication that Santa has mind control abilities or utilizes
hypnosis. Therefore, we must assume that the elves are docile, friendly, and not dangerous at all, or one man wouldn’t be able to manage them
Christmas Elves are Stranded Extraterrestrials
My opponent suggests that these ET’s would be confused by “enforcing” our labor standards on them. That could possibly be true, but does them
being different from us make it okay to exploit them? Besides, if they’re that different we don’t have to impose our standards on them; we can
find out what they
like and give it to them, or at least try to. Surely they aren’t so different that they think working all year to produce
toys for human children is “fun.” Besides, I find this theory highly unlikely. If Santa’s elves are ET’s and just “happened” to land on
Earth near the North Pole and get stranded, what was Santa doing up there in the first place? He was just chillin’ and then these ET’s came along
and gave him the idea to start doing the Christmas thing? Unlikely.
It’s far more probable that, as St. Nick expanded his gift-giving from local children to the whole world, the presence of elves and their potential
as a workforce which could survive in the cold and remoteness of the North Pole were factored into the plan. In other words, the elves were already
around and their abilities were known, and this knowledge is part of what made the man who became Santa Claus decide to set up his workshop at the
Christmas Elves are Finnish and Number Between Six and Thirteen
Really? I find this assertion, despite my opponent’s claims of documentation, to be the most unbelievable of all. The world population of human
beings is around 6 billion. Assuming that around 1/3 of those are children (a conservative estimate; some sources put it as high as 45%), that’s
around 2 billion kids on the planet. Doing the math, that means that 13 elves working 60 hour weeks would have to make around 822 toys per minute
each, or nearly 14 toys per second
, in order to provide just ONE toy for each of the world’s children. Even with magic and working 50% more
hours a week than most of us do, 52 weeks a year with no vacations or holidays, this seems nearly impossible. I’m sorry, my dear opponent, but there
to be more than 13 elves.
society as we know it will rapidly break down as rampaging hordes of angry, betrayed children take to the streets beginning a life of
Are you scared? My opponent hopes so, because surely this is scare tactics and fear mongering of the basest kind. Try telling your kids in January
that they need to be good or Santa won’t bring them any presents at Christmas and see how far it gets you. As we all know, children don’t have
much ability to sacrifice for long-term gratification - that comes with maturity. The “Santa Claus is coming, better be good” contract is only
valid from sometime in November (depending on the age of the child, for some it may be later than that) through December 25th about an hour after the
presents have been opened. A few weeks at most, and hardly enough time to disrupt the fabric of society. If there is an adjustment period, surely the
same rewards and consequences which are utilized by parents the rest of the year can be applied during those few weeks.
It is, and will be, my position throughout this debate that we cannot arbitrarily assign benefits to one small group whether they number six or
six thousand if it damages Society as a whole.
My dear TWISI, surely you have this bass ackwards. How can we NOT provide equitable compensation and benefits to any
group of sentient beings
and call ourselves a modern, civilized society? Did not Western civilization dispense with slavery and inequality decades ago? Have we not decided
that discrimination against any group is unethical, immoral, and just plain indecent? The economy of the American states who were once part of the
Confederacy has recovered from the abolishment of slavery, and the North Pole will recover from any economic upset caused by treating the elves fairly
On to other considerations...
Just how DOES one man control all those elves? I can see only three possibilities:
1) They do what they do because they WANT to - meaning they love our kids.
2) They’re a few cards short of a full deck (in other words, they aren’t very bright).
3) They are under duress.
Scenario One: If an entire group, perhaps an entire species
of sentient beings are sacrificing the lives they could otherwise have for the
benefit of humanity’s children, how can we NOT reward them? Yes, we understand sacrifice, heroism, and martyrdom, but come on - even Mother Teresa
got props. If they really are volunteers, we owe it to them to find out and reward them appropriately for their generations of hard work and kindness
for the love of our children.
On the other hand, if they are volunteers, just think about what that
is doing to society as a whole. Surely if they were being compensated
instead of working for free, they could be contributing to a capitalist economy and paying taxes. In particular, America’s economy depends greatly
on Christmas; it’s likely that unionizing the elves and adopting the North Pole as a territory of the U. S. (like Guam or the U. S. Virgin Islands)
might seriously help the U. S. economy.
Scenario Two: If Santa’s elves are not the brightest stars in the terrestrial skies, or perhaps just the bottom few rungs of the elvish ladder,
exploiting them is even more reprehensible. As we demonstrate daily by our treatment of the “mentally challenged” humans among us, we KNOW that
those who are not capable of understanding the world well enough to take and defend their place in it must have it given to them. This should be no
less true for mentally challenged elves than it is for mentally challenged humans. If they aren’t able to comprehend their situation and demand
better treatment, we must provide it to them regardless. If you think that the next generation will inevitably have anger and resentment towards the
current generation as they grow up, just imagine their anger if they discover that we’ve deliberately exploited an entire species because they
aren’t as intelligent as most of us. Talk about angry children!!
Scenario Three: Since we’ve already established that Santa, in all probability, doesn’t have any mind control magic, if the elves are being
coerced into working for Santa, he is probably using mind control technology acquired from U. S. Black Ops (which, of course, we here at ATS know
exists). If so, this would be another outrage perpetrated by covert operations of one of the alphabet soup agencies sponsored by the U. S. Government,
and certainly something we must put a stop to before the technology is turned on us. It’s only one small step from using it on elves to using it on
humans; they may in fact be conducting long-term testing
on the elves preparatory to using it on you and I! In any case, we owe it to the elves
- and to our own peace of mind - to find out what’s going on up there and correct any violations of elf freedom and free will that may be occurring.
Sending some representatives up there and attempting to organize a labor union would would be a good way of assessing the situation and providing
No matter what the situation is at the North Pole, introducing Santa’s little helpers to the concept of a union and helping them organize one would
be a step forward, both for them and for us, and I can’t imagine anything my opponent could come up with that could negate this. Nevertheless,
I’ll let her have a go at it - unlike the situation at the North Pole, it’s only fair.