I was an adopted child & born at a time when abortion in the UK was illegal yet still widely practised behind the net curtains of suburbia. My natural Mother was unmarried, estranged from her own parents & seemingly had no means of financial support. My natural Father was aware of the pregnancy & failed to respond to letters and telephone calls, leaving my natural Mother with the difficult decision of what to do.

I was placed for adoption two months after my birth, placed with a loving couple who were unable to have children of their own. My adoption finally passed the final legal hurdle some seven months after my birth ... the court process costing a grand total of ten shillings (or £0.50 in "new money", maybe $0.75) ... my adoptive parents kept the court receipt too, which I still keep in my "memory box". An expensive receipt that was for them over the years, but one they never grudged. I was fortunate that way.

I've always known I was adopted, it was never kept secret. Even as a child I remember being told that my natural Mum loved me very much & was heartbroken by giving me up. That despair must surely have been all the more greater by her holding onto me for 2 months before making the final decision, at least that's what I've always assumed. But that wasn't the case.

I've always had a sense that something is missing in my life and to an extent too that I'm an outsider, with a degree of unwantedness as well. I remember being turned away as a four year old from a childrens party on the grounds I was adopted, my adoptive Mother was livid with the other parents. The prejudice against adopted children seems rather unbelievable viewed from the present day, but it's true nevertheless. Children born out of wedlock were bastards and bastards is what they remained despite being adopted. Dreadful, isn't it, that an innocent child could be viewed in such a way ? But for me such attitudes echo down through the years.

That sense of unwantedness continues to this day, it's difficult to explain without making it sound melodramatic, but the unwantedness has led me over the years to engage in relationships and activities with some really dubious characters in an attempt to belong, to belong to a person or group and to help me feel valued. It resulted in me joining a gang & gaining a juvenile criminal record, something I'm not proud of.

You could of course argue that I have a fierce independence & a single-minded determination. Looks much better on paper, I guess. But that isn't how it feels at all. Because after the death of my adoptive parents I made attempts through official channels to get in touch with my natural Mother. She was contacted on my behalf by the local Social Services Dept. We learned she had later married, had two more children & that her family were not aware of her earlier pregnancy. After much soul searching she chose not to accept any contact from me, on the grounds it would prove too difficult for her family.

All of which I understand & accept. But I find myself now twice rejected & it cuts deep. It wasn't the outcome I anticipated or hoped for.

To those who think adoption is an easy option, it hasn't been for me. At 42 y/o I've still got issues & will take them to the grave, I expect. Carrying a child to term & placing it for adoption is not an easy option for the Mother or the child, arguably it's a more difficult course to follow than a relatively straightforward medical procedure.

But is adoption a good alternative to abortion ? Of course it is. Bringing joy to a childless couple through the adoption process is one of the most altruistic things an expectant Mother can do, albeit one borne of necessity. But the issues carried through the years by all concerned can be damaging too.

Everyone needs to take that on board when adoption is being considered.

Originally posted by FlyersFan

Animals kill animals - but animal mothers do NOT rip their children from their womb just to make life easier for themselves. Abortion is not committed in nature except by humans and usually just for selfish reasons.

And neither do grown women. I nor any other woman that I know who has been in that position has taken it lightly or made the decision they did because it was "convenient" or because they "wanted to make life easier for themselves". You are not me, or anyone else, therefore you are not in a position to ever make that assumption about people's motivations.

Again - adoption IS a very good alternative to murdering the child.
I know perhaps a dozen adopted people and not one of them wishes
they were murdered before birth.

And the OP provided examples very much to the contrary, which you, as far as I can tell, have ignored and dismissed.

Having had 2 children, I know for a fact that pregnancy is nothing to take lightly, and I can certainly understand how even a woman who fully intends to give up her baby initially can become conflicted or worse towards the end and afterward, after you have had a chance to bond with your baby while still in utero.

Surely you also know that pregnancy and delivery is not without pretty sizable health risks?

None of the options are easy choices, and you must be absolutely certain you are doing the right thing according to your beliefs.

So, if you don't believe in abortion, well, don't have one. It's very simple

Originally posted by chickenshoes
Originally posted by FlyersFan

And neither do grown women. I nor any other woman that I know who has been in that position has taken it lightly or made the decision they did because it was "convenient" or because they "wanted to make life easier for themselves". You are not me, or anyone else, therefore you are not in a position to ever make that assumption about people's motivations.

Nobody WANTS to have an abortion, the women ALWAYS feel that it is their last or only choice. Both sides would do well to stop villiffying the women and recognize that they do not see it as murder, at least at the time. We need to stop throwing rhetoric like "anti-choice" or "pro-murder" and attack the reasons that make women feel that they need an abortion rather than the procedure itself.

Adoption is not a good alternative, especially because of overpopulation. With the economy the way it is, there is no way every child put up for adoption will be adopted, and we all know there are many problems with foster care.

Also, many children put up for adoption in lieu if abortion (not all, but a good amount) are the children of either very young couples, unmarried couples, parents who either drink, smoke, use drugs, have diseases, etc... these kids can have many problems upon birth. It's not fair to put them up for adoption on top of everything.

/I have had many pregnancy scares due to late periods (even though I take the pill correctly and use condoms.) I really would be upset having an abortion. My mother has had one. Really, though, I think pro-life people think us pro-choicers WANT abortions. Nobody WANTS one. It's not like... teeth whitening or something. It's a super hard decision but sometimes it needs to happen, to make the world better.

I am an expert on this subject. I am a search angel and reunite biological families lost to each other through adoption. Abortion leaves permanent scars. Adoption is not always perfect. For any person involved in adoption, mother, father or child, do everything you can to find your bio relatives. I say this through years of experience. There is a hole in your heart that nothing but finding your bio family will fill. That child is STILL looking for you, I guarantee it. That mom is STILL looking for you. Do you know that 30 years ago parents paid up to 25,000 for a baby? It was the selling of babies, and I don't care what they called it. I could write a book on the horror stories of moms who changed their minds and had their babies ripped away from them. The stories are horrendous. Every person deserves to know, face to face, their biological heritage. The only adoptions should be OPEN where all interactions are HONEST. International adoptions should be ILLEGAL. If you really care that much about an international child - -sponsor them -- and bring them here when they are 18 or 21 - but never take them away from their heritage.

I speak from love and from over 20 years experience. If you are seeking your bio relatives - register with your state's adoption registry and with the international registry in Nevada. God will help you find your family. It is one method of healing hearts. Search angels will help. For free. Godspeed.

Originally posted by asmeone2
To my knowledge, I don't think insurace would even cover sterilization, except for the older people who have children, as hypnotik said. I think most plans consider it an optional or cosmetic procedure and so they won't foot the bill.

Well it maybe different now (but then again sterilization is a lot cheaper than covering the birth and aftercare for babies). But I had my tubes tied at 23 with insurance, I did not have any children. It was three months after I had an abortion, with the same doctor so it was surely an obvious response to that experience. That was 20 years ago, it was quite easy. It is still possible to have the procedure reversed, or go with IVF, but both options are expensive, that put my mind at ease because I realized I could never go temporarily insane and decide to have a kid without some serious thought and investment.

I recall another woman I worked with who was about the same age, but did have one child, also got snipped at that same time.

There is no legal reason for doctors to avoid it, contracts are signed. I think the doctors often just say something discouraging and then the person runs away.

To the anon person that said "abortion always leaves permanent scars". That is absolutely NOT true. Maybe for some people, but it is surely not a life changing horrid experience that haunts every woman for a lifetime. The anti-abortionists just like to pretend that it is.


[edit on 11-12-2008 by Sonya610]