posted on Dec, 9 2008 @ 10:40 AM
Alright, I want to start this off and make one thing clear. I am not saying I am diagnosed with any of these issues, however it has been recommended
that I check out a Psychologist by Psychiatrists and Therapists I've had in the past for what may be Avoidant Personality Disorder, Paranoid
Personality Disorder, and possibly even a mild form of Depression. The problem is, I haven't gone to get anything checked out yet. Mostly because
I'm a little terrified to find out the answer, especially considering mental disorders are not uncommon in my bloodline, and that terrifies me.
Looking at the pieces, everything does fit, I have trouble trusting anyone's intentions and have only been able to come around and stop doubting two
people I've met, and I still tend to wonder if they're up to anything sneaky even when I know I can trust them. As a child, I did not grow up in a
normal family. My mother suffers from Bipolar Disorder and mild schizophrenia. My father was normal, but paid no attention to me other than the bare
minimum. I was constantly walking on eggshells just to keep from pissing off my mother with every trivial thing, and I got little attention from
either of them unless it was negative in some form. I have always felt that if I have Avoidant and Paranoid Personality Disorder as the Psychiatrists
have assumed, this is without a doubt what caused it, or atleast helped to.
On a side note, I tend to get depressive bouts relatively often, usually late at night (which happens alot and I'll explain further into that later
on) which begin to make me feel hopeless and lost, and usually in these moments I decide it's a good idea to finally go check things out with a
doctor and see what's going on and what can be done. But the thing is..
can you do anything about these issues even if you know they're really what's wrong with you? I don't believe in medication, I've been prescribed
medication for ADHD (which I believe to be false, I think ADHD is just normal human development, but what do I know) which did nothing for me but make
me worse. I was barely myself when I was on it, I had no appetite, and I was easy to anger. I guess I'm still easy to anger, but it was to a more
vicious level when on that medication. When I finally convinced them to take me off of it, bam, my behaviour was normal again, but with a couple minor
side-effects. Because of that horrible prescription, I swore off of medication and pills for aslong as I can, so here's my question:
Should I really go in and see what's wrong? Will they just prescribe me more medication? I do not want to be on any more pills, I don't want to kill
off a part of me, I just want to be a little less socially crippled, a little less paranoid, and get these depressive bouts far less often. Granted,
everyone goes through depressive stages occasionally, but this is happening too regularly to not acknowledge as a potential serious problem.
Unfourtanetly, this is a touchy subject for me, one that I've only discussed with one friend of mine, and I feel that the people here are probably
knowledgable enough to give me some help. Considering it's an online message board, there's really no risk of explaining the situation, as there
would have been in approaching someone in person.
So guys, what are my options?
Thank you so much for reading this, I know this is long and I've been meaning to ask this for awhile, but the other night I felt it's finally time I
look into doing asmuch as possible to try and help change my life. Thank you in advance for any help and assistance.