Are you like me? Visits...

Hello,

I've been looking on ATS site for a few years now I decided that I would finally post this. I'm a new member here and would like to know if there are people here that have experienced any of the things I have in my life. I wouldn't say that I feel alone in the world. I have friends and family around me that I consider amazing and they truly make me feel very special and loved everyone in my life will go out of their way to care for me, I'm very lucky but sometimes I feel like I'm not in the right place, which is a very strange feeling that I've never got used to, I feel really awful for my loved ones saying that but I cant help it. There's something that is so normal but so essential, a place or a feeling or a way of life or an ability that is just that little bit out of reach and it's so frustrating. I know a lot of people feel like this maybe more than would care to admit. My experiences although amazing to me put me in a place that can be quite lonely I guess I'm hoping others are here.

Visits...

The first I can remember is when I was about 4 or 5. I can't tell you the exact situation because it's quite personal but I wasn't with my mother at the time. I was in a different country, I guess I have to say that I had been kidnapped but thats as much as I'd like to go into, it's nothing weird or fantastic, just family stuff. I think at the time I was in a sort of boarding home, I had been put there with my little brother, the sisters at the school were unaware of the situation. I was getting a little ill at the time as I was refusing to eat, mainly to get things that I wanted, for example they put me in a different dorm than my little brother but I protested so violently because I felt the need to protect him, they were forced to put us together. My appetite slowly diminished and I became more unwell. One night I woke and I was in another room very different to the school, it was large, there was sofa in the middle with a table and a phone right in the center. I moved straight to the sofa sat down and stared at the phone wanting to call my mother then I noticed movement to my left. There was a lady standing at a very large triangular shaped window. She had dark hair tied in a low pony and a thick fringe, I think she was plainly dressed, I'm not sure and I really can't remember her face, not even her expressions but I felt kindness from her, I felt that I knew her and even to this day, remembering her gives me a warm feeling. She asked me to stand by the window with her, It was night time, I think there were city lights. I asked her if I could call my mummy she said that I couldn't call her. We stood at the window for a while, we talked, she asked me questions and told me things, I can't really remember what but I enjoyed talking to her then finally she said that she could take me to see my mother if I liked but that I wouldn't be able to talk to her and she wouldn't know that I had been and I thought this must be better than nothing so I said yes please...Suddenly it was day, I was stood next to a bed with my mother lying in it, she was hooked up to hospital machines, I asked the lady what was wrong with her and she replied 'your mummy is very ill, she has been very hungry because she is fighting so that she can be with you again' Although I didn't really know what the lady meant I had some sort of understanding and felt that I wasn't fighting all on my own. I cant remember getting back I just remember finishing a bowl of ravioli or something similar the next day and the entire school, staff children and all cheering at the fact that I'd managed to finish a meal. I was about twelve when I confronted my mother while she was washing up, asking why she had been in hospital then, telling her I had visited her...shocked because we had never uttered a word to each other about that time since the day I was back in her arms at 5 or 6 and also I assume worried... (continued)

she dropped her plates and demanded I tell her who I'd been talking to, as we didn't have any family or friends around us and we lived in an entirely different country to either of the places before she shouted for me to tell her if anyone had approached me, I kept telling her no but she finally screamed 'how did you know that? There's no way you could have known that, you were in a different country!' I guess I was shocked at her reaction, I felt like I was in trouble so I left it. When I got older my mother explained to me that she had gone on hunger strike to get certain authorities to help with her search for us, she was hospitalized but it worked and we were found shortly after.

Since then I've had different types of visits, but none as significant as that, things like, I woke up once or twice because of the sound of two people talking in my room, One is a deep voice of a man and the strange thing is I recognise the other to be my own voice, I have dreams very rarely, once every couple of years where I have a person visiting, I feel like I'm being educated, shown something, I'm told things that become useful in the few months following the event. Sometimes I'm taken places, where there are other people there that sort of smile at me in a knowing way, I'm not very good at being there, it takes a lot of energy and I tire quickly, I remember once falling and fading in and out of the place I had been taken and to my embarrassment a group of people there finding it amusing that I was so rubbish at being there, it's all very real to me and I can feel the difference between these and normal dreams.

Dreams...

I have dreams that come true...from very mundane things to big things, I'll see exact images or scenarios of an event before it happens. Sometimes it can be really upsetting...if it's something bad thats happening to someone I will be them in the dream and experience it as if I'm that person...I'll often wait for it to come on the news and it often does, it sometimes doesn't. I've had them all my life I can now usually feel when a dream is going to happen or it's just a normal dream but when I was younger it wasn't so easy and scary feeling quite certain that everyone was going to turn in to the caterpillar from teddy ruxpin like a dream I'd had or sharks were actually going to come out of the grates at the bottom of the swimming pool like the dream I'd had the night before we were surprised with a trip to a swimming pool, you can imagine the confused look on the adults faces when I, usually loving water reacted to the news with sheer terror.

There are lots of strange things that actually aren't really that strange and are just normal to me, they make me who I am and I like who I am but of coarse I have enough awareness to understand that other people don't always understand experiences like these and to talk of them can cause confusion and maybe even fear. I learned this growing up, not to try and warn people of events, not to look upset or worried when I wake up on a morning and I know something terrible is going to happen or has been happening that night and day. I dream of meeting other people who know how this feels

A very strange part in this is that I got this thought in my head, like a message one night as I was falling asleep that the woman by the window was me, I know it sounds absurd but I haven't been able to shake it ever since. I sometimes have a fringe but I wouldn't wear my hair in a low pony anyway I'm sorry this has been so long but I wanted it to be detailed,

one last thing, I haven't had a visit as such for some time now. I seem to be going places on my own the places I have been going have started to become quite scary I seem to be on my own most of the time and if I'm not the other people there, who usually seem quite strong confident and notice me don't seem to see me at all, they seem as scared as I am which is very strange which is why I decided to finally post this. Thanks for reading.

Thankyou for sharing your story - glad you finally got to be with your mum again.

I guess the swimming pool thing must be normal. Its weird though isn't it. Deep down you know there is no reason to be scared but i can tell you i have never dared go near them wave machine grates or any area of the pool that is tiled in a dark blue rather than light blue, ha,ha.

Something else i found wird - i had a random thought about the kids programme teddy ruxpin last night (strange as i thought i'd satisfied my trips to nostalgic 80's kids programmes a few years back now. This was a thought about Newton Gimmick the inventor, strange eh. The creature i think you were referring to is Grubby the Octopede

I think you shoukd read CitizenC's threads, it is interesting you say that you think the lady at the window may have been you. CitizenC tells of his experiences which include meetings with himself, the past him and future him.

www.abovetopsecret.com...
www.abovetopsecret.com...
www.abovetopsecret.com...

Oh yeah! Grubby! I miss that cartoon, hehe...

yeah, it sounds crazy when I think about the possibility of me meeting myself but it somehow makes sense, I could be totally wrong.

Thanks for that, I'll read that now

As well I recommend his threads, and Seentoomuch's:

www.abovetopsecret.com...

www.belowtopsecret.com...

I feel as if yours has a connection to their advisors/guides.

Thank you for sharing this remarkable experience.

Thanks also mystiq I will have a good read...it feels great to be responded to so helpfully by other ATS members, not that I can't take criticism but I was a bit scared I would be laughed at on my first try at being honest about myself... this is just what I needed

Just wanted to say that I got a private message from someone wanting to share some ideas but I can't reply until I have over 20 posts, so to that member thank you and I look forward to hearing from you.