Endarkenment?

Sounds like you want to be a philanthropist for the underdogs of life.
Don't we all.

It's very easy to become disillusioned by others.
The 'sweet ones' can sometimes actually be the darkest.

You can control your own choices, but not those that you include in your life.
Their decisions may also impact upon your own.

Sometimes you need to ' just be', without looking too deep.
You don't have to associate special significance to everything.

Sometimes nothing is the right thing to do.

Out of curiosity, how old are you?

I felt very similar during my own teenage angst

all that stuff you said you would like to do to people, i hope its done to you by someone as twisted as yourself, perhaps this only friend of yours. then come here and tell people how you want to hurt others. you dont need help, you need to be out down like a sick dog. its people like you who go and torture kids, like the case of baby p here over in the UK. if you dont alreayd know, he was an 18 month old child tortured to dead by his mothers boyfriend. so go on about how you have no emotion, because no one cares what people like you think anyway

I admire you and your unique qualities. If you are telling the truth then you won't let yourself be caught up with the petty things that happen around you...if you are real about it...you will get to the source not the symptoms.

Originally posted by spuddyboy
all that stuff you said you would like to do to people, i hope its done to you by someone as twisted as yourself, perhaps this only friend of yours. then come here and tell people how you want to hurt others. you dont need help, you need to be out down like a sick dog. its people like you who go and torture kids, like the case of baby p here over in the UK. if you dont alreayd know, he was an 18 month old child tortured to dead by his mothers boyfriend. so go on about how you have no emotion, because no one cares what people like you think anyway

Unfortunately, my principals deny me the pleasure of hunting people like you down. Be happy of that.

Because, without your kind where would we be now-a-days? Oh yeah that's right... Where we are now, with crime all over the streets and living in a sick twisted world. I would only be doing you and your kind a favor of removing you from this planet, instead of protecting you from those who hurt you, unless you're one of those.

If it stood to me, your ignorant type should have been wiped away long ago. And you should burn for eternity in the abyss for having a narrow-minded view of light and dark.

But I suppose I will see you in Hell, where I will gladly sell my soul a thousand times to the devil to increase the amount of pain you, and your kind, will endure.

Originally posted by VolatileI believe in the end, you have become so void of feeling and desire, that you are truly free of all bonds, even your own ego... As far as I remember, in meditation, it is said you have reached enlightenment when you are free of yourself.

Maybe this is just a different approach?

I applaud you for your honesty. And I think many people DO relate to much of what you say (I do). Like a previous poster said, you sound like a sociopath to me (not that it makes you a bad person, there are plenty of fine and decent sociopaths running around).

In a way I have gone through much of the same thing, the enlightenment phase and then embracing the dark side (or perhaps another way of saying it is embracing the inner sociopath). However I have never experienced the "void", could be a gender thing, I am constantly in touch with emotion.

It certainly could be a form of enlightenment. But then again what is enlightment? I have always thought the least aware could be the most enlightened in some respects. They do not overanalyze, they just "are". They simply experience, and that seems like a pure an expression of the universal mind.

Good post. Thank you for sharing that.

Edit to add -- I have also pondered the same concept, an opposite path as a means to the same goal, banishment of the ego. Nice term, endarkenment.


[edit on 13-12-2008 by Sonya610]

Originally posted by spuddyboy
all that stuff you said you would like to do to people, i hope its done to you by someone as twisted as yourself, perhaps this only friend of yours. then come here and tell people how you want to hurt others. you dont need help, you need to be out down like a sick dog. its people like you who go and torture kids, like the case of baby p here over in the UK. if you dont alreayd know, he was an 18 month old child tortured to dead by his mothers boyfriend. so go on about how you have no emotion, because no one cares what people like you think anyway

I feel exactly like him. He and I have talked at length outside of ATS. And you are the type of person I'd like to see put down.

Unfortunately, my principals deny me the pleasure of hunting people like you down. Be happy of that.

Because, without your kind where would we be now-a-days? Oh yeah that's right... Where we are now, with crime all over the streets and living in a sick twisted world. I would only be doing you and your kind a favor of removing you from this planet, instead of protecting you from those who hurt you, unless you're one of those.

If it stood to me, your ignorant type should have been wiped away long ago. And you should burn for eternity in the abyss for having a narrow-minded view of light and dark.

But I suppose I will see you in Hell, where I will gladly sell my soul a thousand times to the devil to increase the amount of pain you, and your kind, will endure.

get a grip, and get a life. honestly, what age are you, you sound about 14 or something. listen, go and listen to your slipknot or your cradle of filth, and dont bother me again. you are either 1 : a little boy trying to sound important or 2 : a very sad older guy who hasnt had a girlfriend his whole pathetic life

Funny, because you strike me as the spiteful type that actually hasn't got a girlfriend himself. Or maybe it's because you listen to deathcore crap and think you listen to awesome music.

Do the world a favour and die.

[edit on 17-12-2008 by Angry Potato]

Originally posted by Angry Potato
Funny, because you strike me as the spiteful type that actually hasn't got a girlfriend himself. Or maybe it's because you listen to deathcore crap and think you listen to awesome music.

Do the world a favour and die.

[edit on 17-12-2008 by Angry Potato]

was that directed at me? dont tell me you listen to this guy and agree with the rubbish he says? ah forget it, this isnt worth my time

reply to post by Volatile



You're already on the right road man... you posted from the heart, In a hope it would reach and touch somebody....and it has, many people.

Ignore the attacks from people on here and in life and concentrate on yourself.
Focus your energies, anger and thoughts inside and deal with your issues.

Seek help if you need it, Don't be proud or think that your life is not worth saving.... IT IS.

If you wanna chat, U2U me my friend

Originally posted by Volatile
I hate the sun, I love the winter and the darkness it brings. To be totally honest (no bull#), I love grey days with rain. Everytime it is a dark day, I get this weird irrational feeling. Like the void becomes bigger. It "endarkens" me with a joyful sense of nothing.

Hmm. I too prefer the winter months, and I absolutely *love* darkness, grey days and rain. When it rains I stand at the window, literally attracted to it. Same can be said for thunderstorms, blizzards and snow storms.

However, I don't dislike the sun or the summer months, I just prefer wintertime.

I find it strange that people can suffer from seasonal defective disorder. I simply cannot relate to those who somehow perceive wintertime/summertime and dark/light to be 'bad' and 'upsetting'. Nature does not exist to 'upset' individuals, it exists to promote change, and to remind us that there is a natural order to things. Without the cycle of the seasons we simply would not exist.

Once again I fear conditioning is to blame for thoughts of this nature. Do people really believe that darkness, rainy weather, wintertime and dark colours are 'bad' and 'upsetting' things?

Man, you should try and put your negative energy (cause thinking of killing and torturing other people IS negative energy, and mostly for you) to writing maybe, something creative.
The first post made me laugh.. You're one funny dude, "boy who has everything".

was that directed at me? dont tell me you listen to this guy and agree with the rubbish he says? ah forget it, this isnt worth my time

Indeed it was directed at you.

Whether or not people agree with me, it is not what the point is. The point is to accept, and not believe and agree. To believe and agree to everything you hear on ATS is to be as ignorant as the person who discards everything. The true form of wisdom comes from the person who can accept both positive and negative, even though it conflicts with each other. And you my friend, do not possess such wisdom yet.

You're already on the right road man... you posted from the heart, In a hope it would reach and touch somebody....and it has, many people.

Ignore the attacks from people on here and in life and concentrate on yourself. Focus your energies, anger and thoughts inside and deal with your issues. Seek help if you need it, Don't be proud or think that your life is not worth saving.... IT IS.

There is no point in not speaking from the heart. I have always spoken from the heart, because that is what this world lacks.

I have no issues to deal with. This anger is a part of me, and it helps me. The anger builds the void, and makes me see what the world really is. With a feeling of emptiness in my heart, I am not influenced by the lies of the world.

And my life was never in danger. The void has saved my life, for without it I would never have been able to see what right and wrong truly was... Merely illusions of the real true form of morality; Neutrality.

Once again I fear conditioning is to blame for thoughts of this nature. Do people really believe that darkness, rainy weather, wintertime and dark colours are 'bad' and 'upsetting' things?

People do, because some cannot accept that there is no right or wrong in the world. If they were to accept such a thing, their identities would collapse and their beliefs shattered. It is a scary thought for one who is weak and believes he has everything to lose, when truly, nothing is ever lost... Except for his illusion.

Originally posted by Volatile
I have never had a girlfriend, and have no need for one (now anyway, maybe later in life when I feel like I need one... For whatever good it does). I've been in a discussion with myself whether I really ever want a girlfriend, or if I should just donate to a spermbank. I think it is because basicly, the void consumes any feelings of love... I don't mind... I don't need a girlfriend.

I will say this part is a bit odd. If by this you mean you do NOT have the desire to have sex with other humans. Unless of course having sex with them WOULD be nice but just too much work, or if you just don't have a sex drive for whatever reason. That is fairly unique and certainly not part of a typical sociopathic mindset. That leans to towards a schizoid personality type.

[edit on 20-12-2008 by Sonya610]

Originally posted by Sonya610
I will say this part is a bit odd. If by this you mean you do NOT have the desire to have sex with other humans. Unless of course having sex with them WOULD be nice but just too much work, or if you just don't have a sex drive for whatever reason. That is fairly unique and certainly not part of a typical sociopathic mindset. That leans to towards a schizoid personality type.

[edit on 20-12-2008 by Sonya610]

I have a sex drive, but I put other interests before it. I do not persue it, just because it leads to some "feeling of enjoyment". For me, sex is used for producing offspring, and nothing else.

[edit on 20-12-2008 by Volatile]

Has i was reading the op , i got a "smile" on my face , it was like watching myself on a mirror.
The difference between you and me is that i have always have been that way all my life , no traumatic events , nothing that could have caused it.
I have sociopathic traits , lack of emotions , no remorse etc... , but i am not a dangerous loaded weapon , ready to cause havoc wherever i go , like so many sociopaths haters like to label me. I respect those that show respect for me , and those i respect , for me the rest is worthless.

[edit on 28-12-2008 by dracodie]

Bar the malevolent tendencies, you've pretty much described exactly me.

Firstly if I'm going to smile, the situation/conversation/environment/event needs to draw sufficient emotion. I will simply not force a smile to my face. People think I'm angry all the time. It really confuses me sometimes. I think to myself "Er? This is my normal face?". Just because someone doesn't have a smile on their dial 24/7, doesn't mean they're not happy. If you're going to keep pestering me to smile, then yeah, then you'll see my angry face.

Very Keanu-Reeves-esque in terms of looks and expression.

I cannot stand the majority of the general population. People that talk when they have nothing to say. Running around for their own little goals that will never take anyone into anything that slightly resembles 'progress'. All the time and effort spent on retarded crap that we could put to better use on things that will actually help us to grow as a species.

And if you're not going to do something right, don't do it at all. Is it really that hard for people to use even a little observational skill? That's all that everything is. Observing and learning.

I am seldom fully entertained by every-day social activities. There's nothing else to it. I just get really really bored when out. Yet the smallest detail of something natural and simple will fascinate me. It's the learnings of these smaller observations that I find often lead to a better understanding of everything else.

I secretly love small, tedious tasks. They give me time to think in my own space. The calm is delicious.

---

I may have missed it in your previous posts, have you picked up meditation/exploration again? I am finding it a bit difficult to do so myself. It can be hard to stay motivated.

I know where you're going with the whole 'void' and 'not caring' thing. Tried heading in that direction but it just seems too dangerous to me. I never used to be this way but I suddenly find myself actually caring about people, as much as I hate them. I have the ability to change the world. How much? No idea. I'm still going to try. I have nothing else to live for to be honest. The journey is what keeps the journey going.

Anyway, you're not as alone as you thought.

[edit on 29-12-2008 by Comatose]

I picked up meditation after I wrote the first post. It's lead me further in my quest to understand this void. I find that the void is basicly a desire of balance in all things. Not just spiritual balance, but also a balance within the materialistic world. I found that the anger is only triggered through overexaggerated happiness and malevolent acts of evil.

What I figured from the feeling was, that there is too much sided difference in the world. I find that there is no exact meaning to life, except to understand that there isn't one. The anger is created from the lack of acceptance by those who are either too happy or too evil to comprehend change. My mind wants a world were balance and neutrality is enforced instead of this "loving, caring, happy" situation the world is in.

To be loved, to be cared for and to be happy is just a sign of how you want to live in a perfect world. But perfection is an illusion created by those who could not get, or become, everything. As a result, as they approached death, they realized that, as they had everything, they had nothing.

My mother's ex-husband commited suicide. He was one of the wealthiest men of India. She told me that the day of his suicide, he had confronted her and told her that no matter how much money he had, he would never be truly happy. So he went and threw himself off a bridge.

Now some people may find this sad, or idiotic. But for some reason, I can't help but think, that he had everything he ever wanted in that moment when he realized he was not happy. People go through life looking for those things that do not matter. What really matters is to gain wisdom.

But in conclusion, the void is not a product of inner evil. It is merely a message to remind me that, we should not believe nor ignore, but just accept.

reply to post by Volatile


That makes me feel so happy.