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Mechanism

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posted on Nov, 30 2008 @ 08:49 AM
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They reached the doorway, panting madly for air, legs aching from all the running. They looked around to check nobody was looking or had been following them. With a swift movement, they opened and entered the door. The room inside was low lit and a smell of damp hung in the still air.

It was quiet. Too quiet. Nobody made a sound as they waited for the inevitable trap to be sprung.
Nothing happened.
Then a whispered voice came from the farthest corner where it was darkest. The four men who had entered the room, slowly and cautiously made there way over towards the voice that had beckoned them.

The lone figure was sat squat in the corner. His cloak covered him completely, his hood pulled well over his head to cover even the slightest glimpse of his face.

“You have come far and risked much, my friends” said the hooded man.
“We had to and you are fully aware why” replied the front-most of the four men.

The men were dressed mostly in black leather. From head to toe were various garments of tough, thick leather. It was rough leather, designed not to reflect the tiniest amount of any light. Durability and stealth was of the utmost in these times. Their mission depended on many things, and many things depended on them completing their objective.

One of the men moved back to the doorway and opened it just enough for him to be able to see outside in case of any sudden arrivals by those whom they wished to keep as much distance as possible.

“Do you think the Earth can survive?” asked the hooded man.
“Of course it can! As long as there are people like us doing all that we can to disrupt the motions of those who oppose us, then there is a chance that we can save the Earth.” said the tallest of the three.
“Then motion must be made. Snakes must uncoil. No longer will we sit here trying to squash a flee with all five fingers. We must act as one and bring down that which stifles and controls us. For too long our lives have been ruled by an idea and value that has long lost its flavour” said the hooded man.
“Then we are agreed” said the tallest.
“We are” replied the hooded man
“So be it, when shall we move?”
“upon the next full moon. Prepare your selves for many shall fall.”

The moon gleamed in full glory over millions of men and women. All of whom had gathered for the battle. All preparation had been made and battle groups were formed, squads moved around, officers barking orders and weapons being checked and double checked.

They marched.

Over the crest of the hill, they saw it. Standing ominous on the skyline was a massive machine. It reached far up into the sky and was bristling with defensive gun mounts. Everyone knew that it was also buried deep into the ground, but nobody knew exactly how deep its roots had grown.

The order to charge and engage was given. This was the first time that such a mass of people had ever charged into a battle, upon which, the outcome was most uncertain. Battle began, weapons firing from all over the machine sweeping swathes of attackers to the ground. The attackers began firing back as best they could, but the machines defenses had the superiority of elevated, static positions.

Pockets of people were getting through and slowly, defensive gun turrets fell silent as their operators sat slumped at the gun controls. Hundreds of thousands had died in the initial charge and many more were falling due the collective mass that had formed around the base of the machine. The gun turrets just kept sweeping the area with gun fire.

It was a blood bath. A massacre never before imagined. Losses were expected, but not like this.
Gradually, and only by sheer determination and numbers, the gun turrets grew ever more quiet. Sporadic firing came from them only to be quickly silenced by those who had begun to climb the machine and take over its towering height. They had to get inside to destroy the brain. Groups had breached the walls and were on their way to fulfill this part, though many had no idea that this had was underway. Many just kept coming onto the machine and doing all the damage they possibly could.

The battles inside the machine were mostly close-quarter and horrific. Details of the brains location had been uncovered by spies, though many had died trying to get in, many had died trying to get out, yet it needed only one to get the vital information. That took seventy five years.

Suddenly, and without warning, the machine gave out a noise. It was a sad, worrying sound. It sounded like the last breath of a dying man. The machine stopped. Automatic gun turrets fell silent, lights went out, the humming finally ceased. The people cheered and one by one they all began to drop dead themselves. The grass around the machine began to turn brown and crumbled as the dying fell to the ground. The air was thinning. Dry coughs broke out from the outer ranks. Panic set in, and those that could, began to run. It didn't matter where they ran, just so long as they could get away. Birds fell from the sky, the leaves on trees turned brown and fell off the branches, then the branches themselves began to crack and fall away from the trunks. Rivers began to dry up, lakes evaporated. Clouds were non existent.

An entire world gone. All that remained were the skeletons of everything dead. Fish and whale bones lay bleached and dry on the bottom of what once was a huge ocean. Skeletons of all species lay where they had fallen, yet the biggest mass of bones lay around the machine. Humanity, or what was left of it.

For centuries we had used up everything for our own greedy needs. We had literally destroyed ourselves for profit. The machine was designed in a last ditch attempt at getting back that which we had lost. It was built to provide, which it had exceeded at. We did not want for anything. Unfortunately, we had become its slave. We no longer had control over our lives or our freedom. Everything the machine made, we had to take back to the machine to make it recycle and reproduce all that the planet, and ourselves, required. Our greatest achievement was to be our greatest, and final, downfall. We wrongly believed that the machine was no longer needed to sustain our home. That's what happens when you try to play God.

This extract taken from 'the great book' in the Kings chamber of the Great Pyramid. Our mission of voyage and discovery led us to this, previously believed uninhabitable, world. The Pyramid itself was buried in sand up to its highest point. It was by pure chance that the discovery of it was made. A recruit had sat down and his hand had sunk through the sand and touched upon the Pyramids cap stone.

Save message, relay, send now.



posted on Dec, 5 2008 @ 04:35 PM
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Intriguing premise, but this is more an outline for a larger story than a short tale. You simply have very grand ideas that need fleshing.

In terms of writing, this is very good, but rushed. And as a reader, I had to reread the opening to find out who exactly was running and why. It's a storytelling no-no to begin stories in the middle of action without clearly defining who the reader should be visualizing.



posted on Dec, 6 2008 @ 07:38 AM
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Thank you for your comments.
It was actually part of a very vivid dream i had a few years ago and I've been wanting to bring it to life in a way (many others too)

I began the story that way as it was not really important as to who these people were or why they were running. The point was to show that there was something a bit mysterious going on and that these people were 'up to something' which we later find what that is.

The story was split by jumping time frames basically, partly in order to keep it short, but also in relation to the italics at bottom of story. These short sections were extracts from an historical document found by 'whoever-whatever' had found it. So, it wasn't too focussed on the who or what or why, but on the 'discovery'. I didn't design it to make sense, until you got to the last part.


But, thank you very much for your pointers. I guess my writing style is yet to become a part of the 'norm' so to speak



posted on Jan, 21 2009 @ 07:21 PM
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I liked the premise but I didn't understand what the four men got from the hooded guy or why they were seeking him in the first place before they organized their war.. I was expecting that he had a special weapon or tool for them to use or something... anyways... keep writing..




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