dwelling on the past, over-analyzing: how do i stop?

long story short:

i know this wonderful girl. she has really changed me for the better, in many ways. not only is she physically beautiful, but she is loving, understanding, compassionate, and intelligent. additionally, we are on equal emotional levels regarding each other.

now, because she is so wonderful, i want to be the best for her. but underlying that desire, i want to be the best i can be, for myself.

i am many of the things she is (except for physically beautiful, of course, lol), but my main "problem" is, i dwell on the past, and over-analyze (though those may go hand in hand).

my question is, how do i not let the past ruin my future, and how do i stop over analyzing? how do i stop letting the past get in the way of what i have with this wonderful young woman? i truly hate the fact my mind never shuts up, and considering how much this girl means to me, i do not want to ruin anything there either.

please help. i can provide factual details on her and i, and explain anything else as needed.

I've always been told I'm too analytical.. it's a big part of my personality and gives me an edge creatively and in my research so I'm like "hang on..what do you mean too .. thats who I am".

I do over analyse things and admit not much gets past me.. but I try not to put people on trial either.. [not talking about evolution debates! ] well not unless I find a strange bra in the couch or something. I don't think you can really do anything about it but just try keep it in check and be fair on people.

[edit on 26-11-2008 by riley]

To me, it looks as though you have some open books in your past, that need to be closed. Is there a situtation in your life specifically that you are dwelling on? It sounds as though, this might require closure - and this could be why you are dwelling so much on the past.

Whether we like it or not, our past experiences shape us into the people we are becoming. Whether its an experience at 18, or an experience at 50. Everything we do, has an affect on us somehow.

Many great relationships are sabatoged, from underlying issues that have not yet been sorted out. Perhaps you need to take a look at WHAT is making you behave this way...Is it realtionships in the past that didn't work out? A girlfriend that cheated on you? Or broke your heart? Etc..these are questions you should ask yourself to determine what it is, that is causing you this extra stress.

Over analyzing is also one of my big things so I compeletly understand where you are coming from

I really hope that helped, and I'm only a U2U away if you need a shoulder, another point of view, or just a set of ears

- Carrot

Maybe you should keep a journal and find the real reason you are doing this. When you put something on paper you look at it differently. Maybe it will help get it out of you head or help you come to some kind closure. Maybe write letters to your past say things you always wanted to say. You may not be able to send them, but at least be able too get it off your chest. Hope this helps.

reply to post by prototism


I can relate to where you are coming from. I don't think there are any easy answers. I would say that you need to commit to changing yourself. I don't know if you have tried any self help books. Some people are able to make significant changes with those alone, but many aren't. Maybe get a therapist so you can get some ongoing help from a professional. If you don't commit to it, you will always just drift back to your comfort zone which is the "over analyzing".

Good luck.

i am the same way dude. maybe you can find a councelor to talk to. thats what i do. my mind races all the time and it really bothers me. i constantly think about the past and i hate it. talking about it does help though. it gives you a chance to open up you know

reply to post by prototism


I don't even think you would be on this site if your weren't the analytical type. But you certainly can take it to extremes and it can be a detriment to your social and personal mental health.

As others have mentioned; a good therapist helps, but for me; I have found that a mantra used in conjunction with a focused meditation is what
finally gave me some peace from the never ending mental dialog.


www.sgi-usa.org...

If this organized approach isn't for you; search the www. for another style.

Namaste
whaaa

I can't do much with so little information regarding your past. You are over analytical regarding your past it's probably because your mind is trying to work out something in your past, signifying that there is something that you need to deal with before you start moving froward.

My gut tells me that you should perhaps try to get her to help you. You said you want the best for her, and I would say with much confidence that she wants the best for you, too. If that's the case then she can help you much more than we can.