posted on Nov, 26 2008 @ 01:49 PM
The end of the Childhood Experience Story
As promised, I did not want to leave it so open ended, so I will try to close it.
What happened when I was 14?
After a few years of thinking and dealing with the issues described before, I had gotten to the point where I had understood that following my "Inner
Voice" was probably the way to go, and not only for the menial things in life (because I would use my "Wise" deep side to advice me on even to see
if a girl liked me or not...) to more lasting, determining issues in my life and my future.
By this time, even if I clashed with religion as an organization, I felt a deep calling to "seek God" and to search and try to find the wisdom IN
THE WORLD that could direct me towards knowing myself and my inner world better. Even in church, while riling at the "ridiculous" attitudes towards
"sin" and "wrong" I found in there, I still would live some of my most mystical experiences, in which I reveled in joy so deep and peace so
absolute, that I could not describe in words.
(As a reminder, my Teacher and my HS have NEVER given me names of an kind, just conceptual information and frameworks, with which I understood
everything around me, but it was ALWAYS my "job" to discern.)
As I sought the Divine in the world, I was caught by Christ's words in the Bible, and from those times and on for a long while, I studied the Bible,
intently then, and later "formally".
The issue that struck me the most was the one on faith. Especially the parable where Christ said that we should not worry, just as birds in the sky
do not worry about their next meal, so we should not worry, for worrying cannot stop a single hair on our head from falling, etc.
So, going back to the story, one day, I fell in the natural "meditative" state I use to "connect" and BE more HS.
(I had said before that communication had "turned" into something else. To be Yourself, and connect with parts of yourself, is and SHOULD be
perfectly and reasonably normal, and since I had been introduced to the no-barriers concept when I was 5(!), and carried it very stubbornly with me,
applying it was hard but at least possible from my standpoint.
I say this because most times what keeps us from growing into our "better" possibilities is just the LACK OF TRUST in that we actually can.)
In this state, I went into Dmod in automatic, for the last time I can remember.
This time, however, it was I as CC that spoke. It's hard to say how "accurate" this impression is, in the sense that I had already been
"practicing" to BE more like my HS for a while, so maybe it was some combination of both, but now the center of MY awareness was on MYSELF as CC.
In that state, I wondered about my life and my future, and THEN immediately saw that I had had a very happy childhood, full of VERY fascinating
chapters, but that my "innocent" years were about to end. At 18 to be exact. After that, the "difficult" part of my life would begin, but
difficulty would be understood as PROBLEMS TO BE SOLVED, AS OPPORTUNITIES TO LEARN.
I asked myself a question: What do I want to do with my life, if that is the case?
My response was: Well, I am considered a smart person. What could be the very best question that a smart person could hope to answer WITH their
I will not say what my response was but, as a hint, I have been searching an finding answers on that ever since. I mentioned the faith issue because
here, I sort of made a bet with "God", saying that I trusted absolutely that one such as myself, embarked on an adventure like the one I wanted to
undertake, would ALWAYS be "taken care of".
(I can attest to this day that my faith in the Divine has never moved and has always been "answered", even if my views and attitudes towards
religious and other spiritual dogmas have swayed and some abandoned or reformulated over the years.)
As a closing to the Dmod, I URGED myself to seize the day, and to enjoy the last years I had of total dependence on my family and the close, protected
environment I cherished so distractedly.
Dmod ended, and after that day, I enjoyed every single minute I had, until my life took the turns that my Inner Voice said it would, into which I have
always jumped head-on, with no parachutes.
Hope that this was helpful to some, but just having the opportunity of reliving some of these moments, has re-immersed me in some old bright moments
and aged joys of those years.