Originally posted by llxgn
I have periods of my childhood that i don't recall

Namaste' Rob


I have this as well. I don't recall much of my childhood. It is many black spots with brief memories.

I am not going to fully explain what I mean by the term "Wanderer". It will resonate if it applies to you.

It does.
And from the first time I read this thread it’s gotten to me.
I get a lump in my throat, it stings behind my eyes and my heart hurts.
But I’ve not wanted to talk about it - not because I question being a wanderer, I don’t, I just have such a need to explain it correctly, and I can’t.

No matter how many times I write and rewrite it (and I've been trying since you first posted this thread) I can’t explain it.
But I can't sit back any longer and not respond.

I’m not a part of all this *wrong* I see going on around me.
It’s so alien to me, people spending their lives chasing money, the clothes and parties, wanting more and more and more, feeling less, treating others with hate and disdain, prejudice.

I’m like the Little Match Girl hungry and frozen near unto death out in the night peering through a window onto a family scene of *plenty*.
Yet the food, the golden dishes, the bright fire and merriment I don’t covet.
And I feel no pity for me.
I feel it for them.

When I lived in the USA I wasn’t (nor did I want to be ) a part of anything there.
I left thinking maybe it was just the *place* I could never be a part of.
Yet even here where I moved, eager for *it* to be different, it’s no different at all.
So now I’m just tucked in to wait.

Am I *searching* for something?

No. I’m waiting.

For what I don’t know, but its a wait for something, well, *more*.
Not grandiose, nor do I hold illusions of grandeur, quite the opposite.
I’m just waiting for something more - something, that when it happens, I’ll *know*.
And there wont be that empty place inside anymore.
I’m not sad, or lonely, or in fear at all, just living day to day knowing something crucial is missing.

Something that’s been a long time coming is here, or almost here.

Good or bad I don’t know, but, it wont be indifferent.
And whatever and whenever?
I’ll be right where I’m supposed to be, to do whatever it is needed, or I’m called to do, significant or otherwise.

As for my childhood, (I scored a 95 on the Wanderer test by the way), but as for my childhood I saw *something* in the sky when I was very young.
In another incident when I was older I saw a *man* who shouldn’t have been there, clad in white, tall, with blue eyes and something on his head.
I don’t remember large blocks of my childhood.

I don’t know if those things are important or pertinent, but you included your own experiences, so, I include these.

And now?
Now, I can *feel*.
I’ll walk by an area, a turn in the road, an empty house, a part of a room, and I can *feel* what’s there.
Leftover feelings of being lost, and abandoned, no hope.
The residual of something *off*, something that shouldn’t have happened in that spot, a feeling of *wrong* left behind.
Feelings that flash through my head and I can feel in my heart, but I can’t put a finger on or recreate.
Feelings so completely different from any other I’ve had, but that are just as real as feeling hot or cold, happiness or fear, and move through me even deeper.
But I know these *feelings(?)* I sense will find peace someday, I know that like a promise.

What I’m waiting for, I don’t know.
These feelings? I don’t understand them either.
And when I try to open myself up to both?
What I get back is "Wait, just wait".

So, I wait.

peace


[edit on 6-3-2009 by silo13]

Hey everyone. I am surprised I've missed this thread until now. I don't know about the word wanderer as a child and teen I used to call myself a child of sorrow. That's all I know. i have heard the term light worker, healer, empath, crystal to name but a few. None of these truly resonate with me. I believe what we are doesn not need a lable. Or more correctly can not and should not be labelled. We who are aware of the wrongs of the world should also know the insignificance in belonging to a 'crew', religious or other group that separates us from the ones who do not belong to our group.

From what I've read a lot of you feel the separation and suffer by it. I hope you can see clearly that creating more separation is not the answer. I believe the answer is to unite. To find the think that links us all aware and unaware. That is how we raise the energy of this place. By creating an unbroken line of unity. I see it a bit like that game 'every one's connected by 5 people' or whatever. I.e. if you look hard enough everyone's got something or someone in common. When we undo the separation that was created between us by precieved, ethnicity, culture, language, music choice etc we will truly be set free and understadn the beauty that is US as ONE.


As much as I am excited at the existence of this thread I am at the same time saddenend that it is separation that brings us all together. I wonder how we could start the trend of working together as supposed to working individually.

I believe some have got the idea of free will wrong. There is no infringement on free will to share knowledge of any sort. How could there be? As a matter of fact by sharingt he knowledge that we all have we are encouraging free will. For when we receive information that is when we can practise free will to do as we see fit with the information. When the truth is withheld or part of the truth is hidden is when we are truly enslaved by the one who hides the truth. Giving us just enought o dance to their pipe to receive more handouts of partial truth.

I think about it like this. If you are in a relationship with someone and that someone is unfaithful. And you are a person who does not like to be intimate with many people. If that person choses to with hold the information that he/she is unfaithful A. He/she is removing your free will to make a choice based on the facts. B. Is forcing you inadvertently to be with people who you did not chose to be intimate with. Hence you are emprisoned or your free will is removed from you. Although you are staying in a relationship that appears to make you happy.

If the person on the otherhand choses to tell you and you decide to stay. Then you have excersised your free will and made a choice based on facts.

I hope you understand where I am going with this.

HiddenHand and anyone else that say they can only reveal half thwe truth for fear of messing with our free will is actually doing just that. They are creating an element of controll by making you chose to want to continue in their believes. HAd you seen the whole picture from the start then maybe you wouldn't have 'resonated' with anything this/these persons where saying.


I'm sorry to deviate from the subject just my pennys worth.

Apart from that I am happy to see that I am not entirely alone and sorry that there are others who have to live with the pain of being hyper sensitive to atmospheres and energies that people and inanimate objects give off. It is truly gift with a double edged sword attached.

Love and light
IAMD1

I am consciously anti-social 80% of the time.

that explains it.

[edit on 7-3-2009 by Hullahoop]

Originally posted by fishneedh2o

Originally posted by llxgn
I have periods of my childhood that i don't recall

Namaste' Rob


I have this as well. I don't recall much of my childhood. It is many black spots with brief memories.

I am like this as well. The points in my childhood that I do recall were times when I learned a valuable lesson in life. Traveller - I am so glad you posted this - I was hoping ATS had a group of people who felt the same way as I do. My name on ATS is something that describes me during this time in my life. I am on the verge of awakening, but have a feeling of being "walled in". I would say my "soul is full of wonder" but I feel wonder could also mean "wander" since I have always felt a sense to wander the world in hopes of learning new things.

I have very strong empathy for others and though I am not religious my morals are very similar to those who are considered devout. These morals were not given to me sitting in church, but rather taught to me by life itself. Also, the world has never given me anything freely, I have to earn my rewards. I have never gotten away with anything "bad" in a sense (i.e. lie, steal, etc.). I have felt like someone is watching out for me too - I think my klutzy ways would have killed me by now, but they haven't!

I don't do a lot of lucid dreaming, but when I do it's mostly about war and utter chaos. I'm one of the very few who is looking forward to the end of the chaos in the US - it may mean total collaspe of our system, but we can start anew. A lot of us will move on, but I only hope that it won't be as bad as we've been predicting on ATS or other forums.

On a side note - The greatest discovery I've received is that we are here on Earth to serve it and all things that live here. Once we have gotten over our materialistic ways we can find the way to be at peace with ourselves and all others in this world.

I think there are more of us out there in this kind of mindset than we think. However, I believe there are some of us that are lost among the information we've been given - at least this is how I feel.

Originally posted by Hullahoop

I am consciously anti-social 80% of the time.

that explains it.

Seriously, I dont understand how anyone could know who they are without looking inside other people.

Originally posted by spellbound

We obviously have no choice in our feelings and are being directed by someone/thing. I just wish I knew what the purpose is, and what to do.

I feel sad and helpless about it.

me too
& I apologize to my plants/trees/bushes when I have to prune them.

I think that is all part of the divine plan. I think many of us want to know why we are here and what we should do to help humanity.

Many of these things describe me as well.

I'm usually good at first contact with people. I've had friends and family tell me that I would make an excellent cult leader.

I avoid contact with others mostly because I seem to upset them easily, and I'd rather cause as little pain as I possibly can. Everyone has 'walls,' and it makes them mad or frightened if you try to break them down.

I find that my lack of compassion may be because I try to look at the "forest" more than the trees. This could be seen as an egocentric or meglomaniac way of looking at the world, but it's how I've seen it for most of my adult life.

I have also slept on many couches in my time. Like a lost soul, continually searching for something. I'm not sure if it's the truth I seek, or something I won't know until I stumble upon it.

I believe in what Traveller talks about. Many of us are wanderers, but in this density we have lost that knowledge because we choose to. How can we find that knowlegde? We can do so by looking within ourselves. All knowledge is there for us to find. You see, we are really no different then anyone else who is here. All of us have the answers within us, but many have forgotten this. But many of us still have that spark of knowing, and it is that spark that drives us to search for the truth to all of these things around us, things that have been covered up for eons . Many wanderers are here to teach others how to find those answers, so that we can all grow and move out of this spiritual stagnation we are under. We are here to watch this change that is taking place within and without this density. We are all here to grow and move closer to our true selves.

So spellbound, we share the same pain, argh!

My mother grew broccoli in our garden when I was a teen. One night she was so proud of the veggies she had grown, she served them up hot and buttered. I cried! I refused to eat the broccoli; how nuts does that sound?
Needless to say, she was really po'd at me.

I live in an area where they log. It kills me to see the flatbed trucks roaring by with all the trees logs on them. I don't know how to keep it under control either, it is almost getting worse with age. Friends and co-workers giggle at me, but pretend to care. (yes, pathetic is EMpatheitc!)
I used to be embarrased about how I am, now I am not. I just wish it wouldn't hurt so bad.

As far as humans, I could almost care less. Actually, I do feel for those that suffer, but it's not the same pain as it is with the animals.

It looks like a bunch of us are in the same ole boat. I wonder if our revulsion to be around other humans would be the same if the likes of us were all together?

You were waiting on the plastic world to break down.
Now you can use who you really are - to help rebuild and transform.
Welcome to the place - where everything finally makes sense.

Lovely thread...The Return of the Etherians, passing through the Veil of Forgetfullness,
ready to give their All at the Remembering.

A moment comes, and memories return, like a Bolt of Instant Knowing.

Many are unacceptible to general society, so they have learned to hide;
hide, and resemble that which they aren't, ignorant.

A bird takes flight, it's wings beating in unison. Love and Wisdom, the
Two Wings of Mind or Soul. Love is Feminine Spirit, Wisdom is Masculine Matter:
each must balance the other, else the bird will fall.

Those who think spirituality is the Grail, are wrong and misled.
Those who think materiality is the real, are wrong and misled.

Like Fire leaps to Air, when this balance is achieved,
the memories are recalled, and the Phoenix will Arise.
image by trizcat: firebird, 2009

[edit on 10-3-2009 by SS,Naga]

Originally posted by spellbound


Wow! My whole life I have cared more about animals than humans. That is not to say that I don't care about abuse of children etc - my heart breaks over that. And I also feel deeply for suffering humankind. But as for people in general...

me too

I am just curious how many in this thread abstain from animal products?
I am vegan.

Not that it matters...but I am intrested with all the animal lovers?