Originally posted by pieman
you all seem so confident of having purpose and positive about your experiences. i must admit to being less so.
i sometimes have doubts, does anyone else experience doubts? you guys ever feel like your just going nut's?
also, i must admit that i often get tetchy if i feel someone is drawing a little to heavily on my attention. do any of you experience this.
EDIT:i often feel i understand the motives people have more deeply than the person acting, but i'm not sure if thats projection or paranoia or
[edit on 14/11/08 by pieman]
good point. i remember when i was 14, i thought i had it all figured out. this philosophy just sort of landed on me. everyone else was not so
enlightened as i; and, quickly i realized that others were perceiving me as "out there" beliefs are very powerful. i started doubting myself and it
all fell apart. it was like everything was falling in place. synchronicity and serendipity. after the fall--or self doubt stage, i was convinced that
i was manic. now nearly 40 years later, i savor my insanity as flashes of inspiration and creativity flow. i guess you can say i found a happy
medium-pun intended. i have found that i have to bury my ego mask and look at the world as a child. yes, the bohemian lifestyle. hopefully my art will
one day inspire at least one other human being!
there is a difference between believing and "knowing". one of the cruelest methods of mind control is to lead someone to believe they are crazy.
i really am crazy. i just figured out how other people thought about it and projected my sanity mask to them. oh. i wouldn't hurt a fly and i can
rationally function, but i have had to defend myself against all the labels.
some absorb a belief or philosophy and then wear it as a mask to the world. projecting and hiding at the same time. a facade such as this can be
burdonsome indeed. having to prove you are right all of the time.
thing is what is material and what is spirit are two different things. physical human incarnation is but 100 years if you are lucky. spirit is
infinite. in this incarnation, we are but a blip on the radar screen.
innately, i have always known that spirit is here. in other words, you don't have to use the physical to reach spirit. whatever works for you is ok i
presume, but it does not take a fancy religion, philosophy, or ritual to reach. it is what it is. right in your face. spirit is our natural space. i
have always been able to entertain myself within my mind.
when a sick society judges you, perhaps insanity is really sane. said a lot of other ways i know.
when you accept a label or a belief--that is what you become. visualization works!
pardon my presumptious nature. therein is the paradox. anyone who presents themselves as knowing the unknowable is not only fooling others, but
themselves as well. i want to believe, but show me something worth believing, that is believable. does seem that emotion affects the matrix.
when you have seen what i have seen, then reality itself becomes questionable. we are limited by perception. only 5 senses. i mean is it real or
memorex? would if it were all an illusion?
i know what i know. that is not to say that experience, may prove to me otherwise. until then i am stuck in the illusion of what i know. most who say
they believe-have that "hesitant doubt", this is why they labor so hard to defend the belief. most people see and believe what they want to-what
feels comfortable to them.