Originally posted by pieman
i sometimes have doubts, does anyone else experience doubts? you guys ever feel like your just going nut's?

also, i must admit that i often get tetchy if i feel someone is drawing a little to heavily on my attention. do any of you experience this.

EDIT:i often feel i understand the motives people have more deeply than the person acting, but i'm not sure if thats projection or paranoia or reality. opinions?

i feel the purpose is there but it's so ill defined that i'm not always sure, it's like an apparition of purpose, like a tug of deja vue that feels more like belonging or confirmation of adherence to a pre-determined path than any concrete direction. it's like a passing scent that's gone so quick that you only have enough time to know it's familiar and pleasant but it's gone before you identify it.

I feel exactly the same. I seem to totter between absolute contentedness and absolute frustration. Your analogy about catching a passing scent is spot on. Something I can never quite put my finger on.

I'm also a good judge of "character", so to speak. I understand people's "intentions" quickly after meeting them and know whether they are someone I care to associate with or not. This has been born out in the real world when later behavior almost always proves me right. Lately I've come to see it as a communication on a subconscious level. Something I think everyone does whether we are aware of it or not. I often seem to be aware of it.

That is to say, I seem to have a rather active subconscious mind in a conscious state, and vice versa. To illustrate, I often awake in the morning in the middle of lucid conversations with unknowns that don't at all relate to dreams I've had. I once had an EEG and they asked me after if I had fallen asleep. I didn't, but was rather conscious the entire time. Though I never did get an explanation about what was going on with my brainwaves.

The problem is, I pick up people's emotional garbage without even thinking about it. For years a lack of understanding made this incredibly destabilizing. Feeling things that I had no reason to be feeling.

Because of this, I'm also extremely sensitive to people drawing on my attention. Too often I can feel their need, their desire for emotional energy, and it makes me uncomfortable. I know they don't necessarily mean any harm, or even understand what they're doing. But to me it feels all too one-sided and I spent a lot of my life consciously and unconsciously giving away my energy and never knowing how to properly, or quickly, restore myself.

What to do about it...

Work with your chakras. I know it may sound like new age mumbo-jumbo to some, but the fact is it is an idea older than recorded human history. I've found that an open crown chakra tends to act like a garbage disposal. This is aggravated by a weak root chakra. Strengthen your base and work from the bottom up, if you don't do so already.

I also find this helps alleviate doubt and insecurities.

The only other thing to do is keep walking. We may not know where we are going, but we are going to get there just the same. Might as well enjoy the scenery. It's even more interesting when I sense that I've seen it before, as I so often do.

Traveller, I found your cited questionare pleasant, though perhaps the author could improve upon some of it's conflicts.


This is bemuddling; the only questions I could truly, honestly, purlely and in absolutist correctness answer one way or another were 7-11

As within most each of the question strings were multiple or definate modifyers. If I ignored these modifyers and 'hypothesized the *gist* of the question' I scored a 95. If I answered truly and correctly (for instance, did you dream about this or that-I scored far lower.

I finally went through and precisely ended up answering N/Y or Y/N to all of except these two.

7. Are you hurt, saddened, and confused by all the human evil and cruelty in the world?
Y

It read like a FOL calling card, and, so, I reacted my thoughts for your amusement:
see below.
yes, but as well am I disturbed by the GF turned FOLs involvement on the matter of love and light-as observation affects outcome. The observer is responsible for the behavior of the experiement; that the observer affects/effects the outcome of the experiement, clear lines can be drawn about the very matter of the observer as participant.

This very factual applicable reverse observation results in further *enlightenment* that the observer must be schooled by the observed. Which indicates a lack of supremecy by those toting to be supreme-as their message.
And thus, the message is lost, due to the senders claim of ownership of it.

When the observer on high resists feedback change demands--due to universe laden agoriphobia, the observer loses his seat *of power* to those more competent to spread said message in a more cyclical manner; resulting in the continuing, never ending cycle-of that's just way it is;

With small changes and steps over many many decades and centuries, due entirely to the stubborness of the sender to accept and make changes to social norms based on the imput of 'lesser beings'-the observed

11. Have you felt different, out-of-place, or somewhat alienated from human society all your life?
Y
Yes, most definately, and I consider this a human problem, not someone else's. The only reason I have ever felt any of these is because of cultural norms working against the letter of the law on a wide scale. ie: Hive mentality in widespread action.
Would I like to see someone else's version of Hive Mentality in widespread action. Um...nooooo. I would like to see us follow our own letter of the law in widespread order-not a counter movement which presents itself the norm.

I don't see the problems in the world that creates wunderers such as I, as a love and light problem. This world is a rebel given the freedom to be it. A lawless place due to it's non compliance of it's laws; not it's absence of the concept of Love.

*steps off plywood soap case*

to me, empathy is the key. if we are given the gift of being able to "absorb" other people's emotions, then that is what we should do. to learn from them. rapport is awesome. everyone is guided by their own unique perception. to walk in another's shoes is to perceive as they do. then you can discern the "spirit". is this good fruit or is it sour? maybe it is not yet ripened.

imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. you can learn something unique from every individual. people want to be validated in their beliefs. only when we understand from another perspective-can we find common ground. sometimes with a little nudging and supposition, self limiting beliefs crumble. it's much easier to help someone, when you speak to them in their own terms. in other words, don't be officious. find a way to interject a supposition, so that others my find their own truth. for example, "suppose you had it your way. what would the world be like if everyone thought that way?"

what amazes me is that a liar believes everyone else is lying. a crook believes everyone else is a crook. and then an empath. wants to believe everyone is as caring as they are. well, you can see the light in every living things eyes. it's there, just not everyone lives by the same creed. some seem to be born without conscience. the sociopaths and psychopaths. why is it that the self serving are always trying to throw their agenda at ya. those who preach the mostest-watch the closest. HA!

we live in a competitive world. there is a hierarchy. if you do not take your own destiny within your own hands, then most assuredly, someone else will guide it for you. and usually, the ones doing the guiding are doing it for their own higher niche within the control mechanism!

when you are trying to be a "utopian" citizen, it is hard to "not lead or follow" a good analogy, is when the chinese marched into tibet. i saw this in a movie. the Dhali LLama said something like this to the invading general, "you see our pacifist ways as a weakness, when in fact, they are our strength"

if we are indeed going to make the planet just and inhabitable for all; we must learn to walk together, other than trying to lead, or blindly following. yeah. the "be a light unto others thing". don't say "i am a duck!" walk like a duck and pretty soon, others will be saying "look at that duck!"

to me,(and i know this is futile!) if everyone could buy into the utopian ideal; and, just live by a motto," this planet will be a better place when i leave, than it was when i came.

nice thread traveller

interesting thoughts and ideas, i really happy others have understood what i meant so fundamentally.

there are a couple of thoughts i had while reading that i want to mention.
the first thing was that i automatically discounted the idea of heightening my vibration or manipulating my chakra's, as i mentally compose a reply it occurred to me, or rather i mentally chided and reminded myself that a couple of years ago i visited a physiotherapist for RSI.

after about two months of twice weekly visits with no improvement the physio referred me to an acupuncturist almost as a last resort. i was pretty cynical about it but willing to try anything. i went along, mentally scoffing, the acupuncturist started sticking pins in my forearm, starting from my inner elbow and moving down. i didn't feel a thing until just below my wrist.

she put the pin in and i felt a jolt or a zap that shot up my arm along the line of needles and my RSI was instantly cured, instantly, completely. i've never even had a slight relapse since. this is after three different doctors and two months with a physio!!! five minutes, five minutes, and she cured me.

why the heck am i dismissing life force type energy that isn't recognised by science when i know for a fact that there is absolutely something in the belief.

so i thought "i'll give it a go, it won't cost anything after all, meditation is easy and pleasant". that's the other thought i want to share, despite being told, in books, on the net and on TV as well as by various people that regularly meditate, that meditation should be difficult to begin with and would take perseverance to master, i find it really easy to quiet my mind and relax into a fairly isolated state of insulation and have done from day one.
is this just me or do others find meditation easier than you have been led to believe.

Originally posted by pieman
is this just me or do others find meditation easier than you have been led to believe.

I'm glad you had a reconsideration. Outside all the regalia of belief systems it is, as you said, merely the energy of our life force.

I've been the same with meditation all my life, falling into it without really thinking about it, or even considering it meditation. Doing it since I was a child in my own way, and I've up until recently been resistant to the idea of practicing a system, including the idea of chakras. I did it on my own, as I felt it needed to be done and can say I've had a good deal of success.

Still a long way to go though... A lifetime in fact.

Originally posted by pieman
you all seem so confident of having purpose and positive about your experiences. i must admit to being less so.

i sometimes have doubts, does anyone else experience doubts? you guys ever feel like your just going nut's?

also, i must admit that i often get tetchy if i feel someone is drawing a little to heavily on my attention. do any of you experience this.

EDIT:i often feel i understand the motives people have more deeply than the person acting, but i'm not sure if thats projection or paranoia or reality. opinions?

[edit on 14/11/08 by pieman]

good point. i remember when i was 14, i thought i had it all figured out. this philosophy just sort of landed on me. everyone else was not so enlightened as i; and, quickly i realized that others were perceiving me as "out there" beliefs are very powerful. i started doubting myself and it all fell apart. it was like everything was falling in place. synchronicity and serendipity. after the fall--or self doubt stage, i was convinced that i was manic. now nearly 40 years later, i savor my insanity as flashes of inspiration and creativity flow. i guess you can say i found a happy medium-pun intended. i have found that i have to bury my ego mask and look at the world as a child. yes, the bohemian lifestyle. hopefully my art will one day inspire at least one other human being!

there is a difference between believing and "knowing". one of the cruelest methods of mind control is to lead someone to believe they are crazy.

i really am crazy. i just figured out how other people thought about it and projected my sanity mask to them. oh. i wouldn't hurt a fly and i can rationally function, but i have had to defend myself against all the labels.

some absorb a belief or philosophy and then wear it as a mask to the world. projecting and hiding at the same time. a facade such as this can be burdonsome indeed. having to prove you are right all of the time.

thing is what is material and what is spirit are two different things. physical human incarnation is but 100 years if you are lucky. spirit is infinite. in this incarnation, we are but a blip on the radar screen.

innately, i have always known that spirit is here. in other words, you don't have to use the physical to reach spirit. whatever works for you is ok i presume, but it does not take a fancy religion, philosophy, or ritual to reach. it is what it is. right in your face. spirit is our natural space. i have always been able to entertain myself within my mind.


when a sick society judges you, perhaps insanity is really sane. said a lot of other ways i know.

when you accept a label or a belief--that is what you become. visualization works!

pardon my presumptious nature. therein is the paradox. anyone who presents themselves as knowing the unknowable is not only fooling others, but themselves as well. i want to believe, but show me something worth believing, that is believable. does seem that emotion affects the matrix.

when you have seen what i have seen, then reality itself becomes questionable. we are limited by perception. only 5 senses. i mean is it real or memorex? would if it were all an illusion?

i know what i know. that is not to say that experience, may prove to me otherwise. until then i am stuck in the illusion of what i know. most who say they believe-have that "hesitant doubt", this is why they labor so hard to defend the belief. most people see and believe what they want to-what feels comfortable to them.

i can relate... but

why do you insist it might be our time? what do you mean by that?
i'm relating the wanderer term, to that of the indigo child which i have been dubbed by others, so i might be off or not

i just don't understand, our time? our time?

Oooh I just got to this thread and got so excited that I may not be as much of a NUTCASE as I thought. I scored 85. I have always felt different, I don't like many humans, feel way more comfortable around animals and plants,etc. When I was just a kid and it was time for the xmas tree to be discarded, I would haul the dead, half mutilated tree into the backyard and dance in circles around it, singing to it that everything will be okay- weird kid? Now my whole life is beginning to make sense!
The claustrophobia some of you speak of when around other people, even family, is a tough one to get around.
I too, since 2005, have felt even more different. The spiritual thing that I previously had a hard time understanding, has presented itself to me in a very rapid manner. I simply can't get enough information! My daughter thinks I have 'turned psychotic' because of my recent fanaticism to spiritualiy and et's.
And after reading Hidden_Hands message, wow, just like some of you, I have been hard pressed to figure out my purpose here. Are we from another soul group that has come to help? Thank you for this thread, my sanity is at stake!

wow!

maybe i'm an indigo! my nickname as a child from a friend's father was King David!

i really relate to the wanderer test, but if 'they' come up with an indigo test-bet i'll ace that one too!

one thing paramount with me is searching the truth and keeping an open mind.

funny. i just wrote a punk rock song called let it go indigo.

have any of you thought that maybe this paradigm is very attractive to some of us. seems to explain a lot. who makes up these tests?

one clue i see in the material is that a wanderer is sad. i can relate to all the questions; and, yes it seems like i occupy a lonely place. however, all i hear about is all the grief about this huge sacrifice for humanity and all. hey, it's all about enjoying life and spirituality. sharing insights. you can tell when someone has bought it.

now i like this Wilcox guy alright, but he is always begging for money and he thinks he is Edgar Cayce. No. he didn't come up with the wanderer deal, but he uses the syntax to further his goals. how enlightened is that?

anyway, suppose you are just trading one hierarchal system for another? would if, we in the image of god are in fact, more powerful than the brothers of light and the STS people?

sorry to be skeptical. did ya see "AS good as it gets", when dude walks into the clinic and asks everybody if maybe it's as good as it gets?