My Kundalini Awakened, page 10

Many years ago I had what I now understand to be a kundalini experience. Despite having some awareness of what K was at the time, I didn't really know what was going on. And when I did, it didn't help much.

I started feeling queasy. And then my back felt so hot, I felt the heat rising up my spine. My friend put her hand on my back and it nearly burned her. I was at church choir practice at night when this occurred and I was the night's entertainment with that. We went home (I was living with her at the time) and I just felt worse and worse. She was a metaphysical teacher, and she told me that I was having a kundalini rising and that I needed to pray and center myself etc. She and her family went to bed upstairs.

When I woke up the next morning I was freezing. That word fails to cover it really. There are no words in our language for the kind of cold I was. I was shaking so violently, breathing so hard from it, I couldn't hardly talk. It was probably nearly 80 degrees outside, I was wearing a couple sets of clothing and big coat and several big blankets and that didn't change it. The whole day went like that. Surely one of the worst days of my life.

That night I dragged all my blankets under the staircase to huddle there on the floor. I had already gone through praying to every imaginable entity that I hadn't believed existed moments before, just out of desperation. ("There are no Atheists in trenches", as the saying goes.) All the sudden I had a realization:

I wasn't cold on the outside. I was cold on the inside. That's why nothing had helped. For whatever reason, the minute I realized this, a great deal of my shivering went away. At that point I was weak from shivering so hard so long. I thought about that for awhile. I knew Kundalini was 'hot' so couldn't figure out why I would be cold. I remembered when I was a kid and had a high fever, adults would put me in a cold bath, allegedly to bring my body temperature down. So I thought well, maybe I should get in a hot bath, to bring my body temperature UP. That sounded logical.

I got up the stairs and ran a hot bath and got in it. I had laid there for about 5 minutes when I felt, "Hey, you know, I actually feel as if my external and internal temperature ARE coming closer to each other." After another few minutes I thought, "I think I'm starting to feel better now." Heh. Then I all but fell out of the bathtub trying to get to the toilet so I could vomit for a long time. Despite not having eaten in about 24 hours. I barely managed to hold myself up to the sink to rinse out my mouth and then just fell to my knees and crawled on my hands sideways down the stairs to my blankets.

When I was rearranging my blankets (feeling much better I might add), I had a total memory of being a monk in a castle, old and ill, and dying. It felt as if reliving that experience (and understanding his life since early childhood) was the same as if I'd relived the whole life and not just a few minutes of it. In the experience, he was cold, I assumed that was the connection, although I wasn't really cold by then.

I had some dreams that I later learned were symbolic of kundalini. The Ida and Pingala are two paths of energy, that you can model in your head like that twining snake medical symbol. One is hot and one is cold. If one is blocked, so they are not equal and balancing, there are some nasty side effects, like I had.

Anyway, I did not spend the time immediately after in some profound state of bliss or misery as many people apparently do. I actually thought I'd just had a bad experience but it was over and I was glad. I had been very intensely working on prayer, meditation, etc. for about six months when that occurred, and it's possible there was some improvement there but I honestly don't remember. What I did eventually realize was that apparently my crown chakra was kind of blown open.

I had synchronicity and 'convenient coincidence' and total, massive alterations in time-space to manifest just about anything I thought of with a sense of desire (even mild) for quite some time. (I didn't know this related to crown chakra stuff or I might have understood sooner.) And I fell into a series of events that I wrote into a small case study for a therapist friend ( bewilderness.com ) about that overall era. Aliens, entities, shamanic creatures, occult stuff, alternate realities and timelines, visions, spontaneous psi, a confusing array of everything imaginable. As I'd been working on archetype meditations, and was convinced my teacher was broadcasting something at least close to Delta, I actually thought it all related to that, so I tried to consider it 'entertaining metaphysics' for a long time. In retrospect though, although I do think that is part of it, I think the kundalini was also part of it.

I used to have such aches in my crown, as if it were being manually dragged open wider so more energy could come in. Sometimes it felt like a solid, fat-finger-sized beam of "solid-energy" was literally being put through the top of my head and right through, into my physical brain. IT HURT!

I asked my former teacher about it. She laughed, "I used to have terrible third-eye headaches. Take excedrin!" I don't know why I found it funny that something allegedly metaphysical would be improved by OTC meds.

I remember leading up to that period I used to pray with such fervency, "I want to EVOLVE!" Now I kind of laugh about that. I'm reminded of Lily Tomlin's great stand-up line:

"When I was a little girl, I always said that someday, I was gonna grow up and BE SOMEBODY!"

"--- ... now I see that I should have been more specific."

PJ

[edit on 2-3-2009 by RedCairo]