I always find myself wanting more,,,never satisfied, can never relax without thoughts running wild in my head about what needs to be done, where I want to be, how i want to be, what needs to change.

Never satisfied, never content.

I sometimes feel like i am a broken perfectionist...i want everything so perfect that i end up leaving things in a mess because i can't get it prefect enough, and i end up not caring, or keep trying but keep failing.

My mind never stops, i count my breath, i count my steps, i catch my mind actually just screaming, like im posessed.

wtf...

Nothing wrong with being a perfectionist, we all experience that to some extent, But you do seem to take it in many areas...How well do you sleep?......What is your belief system?......And what is your goal in life, now these are just hypothetical questions, I'm just trying to pin point a few things........ Are you a happy person or bitter...........These are questions to solve the puzzle................................

Everything is already perfect just how it is. It doesn't need your approval to be the ultimate in truth and creation. If it is real, than it is perfect.

I have heard of Eckhardt Tolle, but I have not read that book. It may help you though, although from what I know about him he does not go into detail about the theory behind things sometimes, although whether or not you need or want that is something I dont know.

However, all mystic traditions from time immemorial are saying the same thing. Including Tolle. It is just a matter of finding a voice that you are able to clearly understand. None of them are saying anything very different, they are just saying it in different ways.

It sounds like you have obsessive compulsive disorder.

I count everything as well meditation works for me.

Could it be a split personality?.......... You definitely need relaxation and sleep.
Sleep deprivation could cause many of these symptoms as well. Are you eating habits normal?......... You could fall into many categories with what you have said...... I do hope you feel better and seek to find a solution..... There are many on this board more qualified than me, But I just wished to help out in some way....

the older i get the more often i notice the "tug of insanity" pulling my strings. i'd say that you're like many people i know, you tune in to other people's thoughts and don't recognize that's what you do.

do you use your brain alot? i bet you've been training your mind for about 15-20 years and might not even be aware of it. just give it a rest you'll be ok.

the one thing that breaks that spell for me is music. there's nothing like driving with the windows down and a great song comes on the radio. something that creates time and gives you a moment of breath.

anyway, hope that helps uncross your wires a bit.

Originally posted by Alucard Hellsing
My mind never stops, i count my breath, i count my steps, i catch my mind actually just screaming, like im posessed.

The counting especially is a major symptom of OCD. I do not have OCD but my grandmother did so I know a bit about it.

You might benefit from medication... there are effective treatments for it.

This is not intended to belittle you in any way - there are many valid reasons to lose sleep and worry in this nasty world we live in. But if you feel like you are suffering, going mad, being possessed, etc., it might be worth a try to see if meds help.

maybe you should focus your energy into doing something more useful than counting your breathes. read, write, get a hobby, make youtube videos, start a business, write a book, film a independant movie and compete at a film festival.

The counting especially is a major symptom of OCD. I do not have OCD but my grandmother did so I know a bit about it.

thanks for the info. I didn't know that (above)

I do it. Don't mean to. Doesn't always happen

Ah, I went to a psychologist for my issues and figuring out what makes sense and is useful helps. I don't take drugs and I don't think they are really good if you are in a short term crisis. The psychiatrist I saw said I have what folk psychology calls "loser syndrome", or schizoid personality disorder for the medical term. Note : those are two different people and two related but different medical "realms".

Do you take any drugs or use a substance to the point of abuse? Do you have chronic, real pain (as apposed to what I take to calling "depression pain" - people who are depressed have some kind of "pain" but I don't understand that yet)? How are your vital signs and blood quality? Stuff like that can affect you day to day...

I sometimes also have a problem with sleeping but I don't make an issue of it with myself anymore - work/school/play might suck the next day but usually the next night I get to sleep just fine . All I know to help with that is melatonin and not ingesting caffeine or some vitamins before bed.

To reiterate : see a health professional. Work with them to help you get what you want to achieve.

(Meditation absolutely fails for me so I can't say zoning out for awhile helps at all.)

EDIT : left out a word.

[edit on 27-10-2008 by SolarSeaman]

Insanity is a perfectly natural adjustment to a totally and unnatural and negative environment. - R.D. Lang

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. -Albert Einstein

I have a mild form of OCD, and some things you've said sound familiar to me.

As a teen I would become stuck on words, think of how many letters there are, and find the middle. It served no purpose, there was no reason for it.
I'd also (and sometimes still do) see larger squares in the pavement and step over the middle one. So imagine a 3 x 3 square of 9 paving, I'd step in the first middle one, over the center paving, and into the third. I still find myself doing it now sometimes, but it's not very often.

I am also a perfectionist in a lot of ways. I'm an artist and a writer, and I find myself going over things so many times that it's hard to get things done and be happy with the result. I have learned over time to know when to stop, then either tie it off as a finished project or go back to it later.

The manic side comes out sometimes too, and I find myself right now with four uncompleted novels on my PC, six unfinished portraits and a couple of business ideas still in the planning. I find it hard to focus on one thing long enough to finish it.
It's not that I get bored, I just want to do everything. I know that if I could split myself into three people, life would be great!

One of my closest friends, one who I share all this with now and then, says that I am too sensitive to what's going on around me. She says I think too much.

The way I see it, we are all different. Put a label on whatever you like, but the fact that I counted letters or step over paving is a quirk. These things make us unique, and as long as they're not hurting they're fine to have without the labels or any associated medication.

And I do agree with other posters, belief systems are useful, as is meditation. Spirituality in one form or another focuses the mind, quietens the shouting. It does help me.
I would say try cutting down on your external stimulants for a while and see how that changes things. Turn off the music for a week, put down the video games, spend an hour here and there just sitting quietly; meditate.

I think it would help you.

And I also agree that you are extremely eloquent. Some people are naturally poetic, if you don't already write, I think you should.

Blessed be.