This kind of topic has been bothering me for awhile. You see, I grew up in a Christian home and my parents are Christians and so are most of my
relatives and friends, but I'm no longer a Christian. Well at least not in the way most people would think. The thing is, I just got sick of not
finding the answers I wanted and that people kept avoiding the topic and ignoring things I felt were important, oh and the hypocrisy too.
It just seemed that I couldn't find the actual I answers that I wanted and needed. And you know, as I started reading about certain things more and
opening my mind up more, a lot of things started looking more nonsensical and it kept getting harder to believe that the Bible was all there was to
it. But it was a pretty hard struggle to get where I am now. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an Atheist, I still believe in God but not in the way the
Bible supposedly says.
But what's really getting to me, is that the Christian perspective and the Christian world is where I grew up in, and it still holds a lot of comfort
for me. I still like to listen to Christian songs and all that and I've even entertained the idea of going to church again. I miss being apart of
that community, because I was apart of it all my life. But I just couldn't continue being a Christian anymore. There are things that I believe that
don't "gel" with being a Christian.
Like, I don't believe that homosexuality is wrong. I don't believe in hell, or that it would be forever because I believe that there is always hope
and that there's always a chance for someone to change or see that what they've done is wrong. I don't believe that the Earth is the only place
where life exists. I'm not sure about Jesus either, I believe he existed and I guess I could believe that he was the Son of God and died on the
cross, but I can't believe that he is the only way to get to Heaven and God. And if he is, then why would people go to hell forever for not believing
that? Maybe reincarnation is true, maybe the Cathars got it right. That way there is still hope for someone so if Jesus is
the only way, then
we get more than one lifetime to realise it.
It's just a lot of things I guess, that seem inconsistent and don't make sense. Especially in scientific and philosophical terms if you know what I
But the thing is, I still kind of hope that there are answers out there, answers that would make sense and clarify things I don't understand. Until
that happens though, I can't continue calling myself a Christian when it goes against what my heart is telling me. But like I said, I still hold hope
and I'm objective enough to look at both sides of the argument.
I guess, what I'm trying to get at is, even though I'm not a Christian, it still has some hold over me. I still miss being apart of that community
and the comfort.
I do respect other people who are Christians though, but now that I'm not a Christian it feels like I might be seen as an opponent now and that my
views or questions now might not be heard or taken seriously because I am not a believer anymore. And I wouldn't want that to happen because I still
want to believe, but I need answers and I don't have them. And there are sometimes where I have seen a lot of hypocrisy in the Christian community
and that turns me away even more.
Lol it seems funny when I think about it. I mean, I still want to be apart of the Christian community, you know helping and stuff and going to church,
but, you know I have issues with some of the beliefs. It's just hard to get my head around this and understand. I really still respect Christians,
because most Christians I know are really nice people and have great characters and they're just some of the most upstanding people I know. I guess I
just don't want to be shut out and to be thought of as a "bad" person you know?
And another thing is, I did feel that I connected with God or the "divine" when singing certain hymns or especially when I was in church. I did feel
God's presence, and sometimes I still do, especially if I pray. And I do
know that God exists, because I can feel Him (or her?? some people
would say) with my soul.
Lol sorry if this doesn't make sense, but I just wondered if anyone else is having the same dilemma as me? Or am I the only one?
Oh and please, no smarta** comments or remarks, I really just want understanding and an intelligent discussion about this and why it happens