Do you mind if I borrow this? You dont mind if I borrow this?

Ever been asked any minding question before like such? If you have, what was your answer or response to the questions?

What I'm getting at is: Is there any correct way to answer those kinds of questions?

Example 1:

If I'm watching something on T.V., and you ask me: "Do you mind if I turn the T.V. real quick?" What am I supposed to say? I feel if I say, "Sure," I'm damned, no matter the tone I said it in, because you are going to take that as a 'go right ahead'. I also feel if I say, "No," I'm damned. I mean, are those ppl who even ask a minding question being manipulative, or what?

Example 2:

If I'm watching something on T.V., again, and you, this second time, ask me with this question: "You wouldn't mind if I turn the T.V.?" I feel if I say, "Yeah," they are going to turn the T.V. I also feel if I say, "No," they are going to turn the T.V. Are we being extorted when asked those kinds of minding questions?

Plus, how can you not mind, anyway, when it's surely on your mind if someone borrows something from you? You cant just shut off your thinking about it.

If you're asked with this:

"You dont mind if I borrow this book?"

^^If you say, no... Is it a no, as in, you're implying 'that's correct'? Is it a no, as in, you're implying a 'no, you do mind'? Or, is it a no, as in, you're implying a 'no, you do not mind'?

^^Which of those fits your bill? And keep in mind, the questioner may not know exactly what you are implying by "no." And if they are not a pessimistic type, then they are going to believe your answer is surely in their favor 100%. They see the glass as half full.

Now if anyone first says they have a yes or no question for you that you are to answer with a 'yes' or 'no' answer only, and it's followed with a 'you wouldnt mind if I etc.' question, then you surely know you're being taken by a smooth, manipulative criminal.

[edit on 20-10-2008 by Mabus]

mind control only works on uncontrolled minds.

if you are watching a t.v. program and thoroughly enjoying said program,and your buddy asks you anything along the lines of ending the joy that the program has brought you and you really mind, than its up to you to say that you mind and that they can watch something else later.
If you dont care about the show than you don't mind.

When people ask if I mind if they take some type of action I express whether I do mind or do no not mind.

The people who know me who always see the glass as half full had better realize it is a glass half full of poison.
If they ask if I mind them changing the channel, I might change it myself to something they hate, or simply hog the remote and tell them to go find their own tv.
If they want to borrow a book and I don't want them to. I simply say, "No, you may not borrow my book because I hate your guts and never want to see your fugly face again!"

Oh, you didn't mind me posting this type of comment did you?
yes?
No?
ok, then here you go.

reply to post by Mabus


You have to decide if you are a sheep or Shepard. Of course the person is being rude and manipulative. Just say "Yes, I Mind!".

hahahhahaha i knowww

I've often wondered about this. I just always assumed I was a complete idiot for not understanding it. So i'm glad it confuses other people too. phew.

It must confuse alot of people trying to learn english.

Someone you know with an awful smell comes up to you, and says, "Mind if I sit right here next to you?"

It is extra, extra manipulative because you wouldn't want to hurt their feelings.

Then there are ppl who come and do something in your presense that say, "O, dont mind me." Then what do they do? They initiate some kind of a conversation. But wait... I thought they said dont mind them? If I talk with them, then I'd be minding them, right? Or would I not be minding them if I talk with them? Tell you what... they sure don't care if you mind or not.

Well, most everybody is still free to say; 'yeah i do mind' aren't they? Or say; 'Yeah after this, wait for the commercials' or something to that affect. The reason that we don't do that so often is that we percieve it as impolite to do that but it is mearly honesty. So don't just say something standardized like 'i don't mind' but be honest about it before you get irritated.

It is not manipulation when people ask 'do you mind' the manipulation went before that, it's called upbringing.

I am with Harman.

Why not just answer honestly? If you mind, just say "Actually, yes I do mind." That is what I do. If it doesn't really matter and it is more important to them than it is to me, then I would say "Nope, I don't mind. Go ahead."

I don't think that being honest is the wrong choice here. Don't get mad about it and don't be mean in your answer, just be honest. If you mind, say you mind. If you do this in all aspects of your life, people won't question your motives. They will just know that you are being honest.

i agree that you should be honest

sometimes a simple yes or no isn't the correct answer, as far as conveying the proper message to the person asking the leading question.


if someone asks me something like, "do you mind if i change the channel?"

instead of potentially coming off as sounding rude, i will offer more of a compromise than a simple yes or no.

i will say something along the lines of, "do you mind to wait until the commercial?"

that poses the same type question back to them and makes room for the compromise of getting their way while i get my way.

You think too much.




....you don't mind me saying this, btw...??

In most instances I usually respond truthfully whether I mind or not. Depends what it is. If I feel it was intrusive, I'm asserive and will say I do mind, "no", and I don't feel obliged to explain why I mind.

Some things you do mind, but it's just nicer to let those go, and say you don't mind.

... and then you have those (usually sports enthusiasts) who just come along and change the channel without asking first. My response is usually "do you mind? I was watching that" and I change it back - or reverse the manipulating, if that's what it was

I like to substitute mind with care.

Do you care if I change the channel?
Do you not care if I do this or that?

If I don't care, I don't give a crap so for what it's worth they can go ahead with whatever.

If I do care I'll just say so. Yes I mind / care, w/e.

If they still do it without any further questions even though you said that you do mind / care, they are being impolite.

In dutch, these types of questions are asked with the word..
The most proper translation I could find in the dictionary would be "bad".

In other words, in dutch they ask the question with a word that leads to a question about whether I like it or not, rather than if I care or not.

[edit on 21/10/08 by -0mega-]

i just say yes or no, let them assume the answer and then tell them they assumed the wrong answer, and seem a little annoyed by the incident. it doesn't help but it makes me feel better.

example 1:
"you don't mind if i change the channel real quick?"
"no"
"thanks"
"hey, i was watching that, what the hell are you doing, i said no"

example2:
"you don't mind if i change the channel real quick?"
"no"
"oh right, can i change it at the commercials then?"
"you can change it now, i just said i didn't mind, weren't you listening"

either way they're left feeling awkward and confused.

[edit on 21/10/08 by pieman]

reply to post by pieman


That is just mean.
But fun.

If I was watching TV and my friend asked if he could change it for a minute I'd punch him. It's my TV time. Not his. He can wait or go to a different room. Just hit them.