The stupidest theory for how we got to be here... and where we are going..., page 1

Buck Rogers hit Darth Vader. This resulted in an inter-intergalactic war which sent the humanoids out of space into orbit and they knock some rocks together to build a planet. Then Captain Nemo got lost and Mr. Spiel-Burg sent a DSV to find him. Meanwhile, Ford Prefect dents Arthur's house and some vogons bulldoze it to build a hyperspace-bypass to the planet Klandathu, and Ripley jumped the gun and sent some aliens to terminate a predator named John Connor. Then Han Solo'd on Broadway as a ghost of Mars before going into the depths of space, above and beyond the Black Hole around the Red Dwarf. And somewhere he pushed some Golgafringham-starcruisers into course to crashland on some small planet called earth.

And that, my dearies, is the crappiest reasoning for where life on earth came from. But to turn the impossibility into plausability, we need a special ingredient: A long time ago, wherever it was.... The Enterprise sunk a Klingon frigate on a comet. The dirt that the Klingons carried on them, penetrated the entire comet, slowing it down and solidifying it, until it became a planet. The moon was another block of ice, used as the local rubbish dump.

And now, I need only wait ten to fifteen years to see this theory printed in hardcover as Archaeology 101.01.01. Surf's up!

I can't believe it! I forgot how our universe is going to end! Is happens this way: Palpatine slits Nuke's (Luke's evil twin) throat, and Vader is outraged. This makes him vow revenge, and he tries what he can to enlist Luke in his plan. It works, but only because.

Leia and Han go on honeymoon and Chewbacca and Twiki need to entertain R2D2 (C3PO has been deconstructed as a gift to the Alliance). Ripley barges in and kills the slut Leia for taking her man, before killing Han for leaving her for that slut. This upsets Luke and he demands the construction of a massive planet called Death Star Unlimited. Over millions of years, the planet cools down and then the core is fission-fused. Whatever this means, it results in the planet's core standing still and an expedition is sent down to get it rotating again. But instead of detonating the nukes in sequence (to get the core turning), Luke sets all off at once, which explodes the planet. This force unbalances the galaxy and it turns on itself, and everything in squashed under its weight between the cosmic density and the whatever it falls on. With nothing left to support the Force, it goes crazy and the Dark Side and the Light Side fuse (again that word) to make the Neutral Completion. And since there is no balance necessary, everything becomes unbalanced at scatters everywhere (except everywhere is nowhere to be found, now).

Now doesn't that sound better than the Big Bang and the coming gnaB giB eht?

(With due apologies to all involved)
(end of crappy theory)

But honestly now, i believe that God created the universe in six days, approximately 6000 years ago.

[edit on 20-10-2008 by J.Smit]