Why do women break up with nice guys?

The problem is many guys in todays age think that they have to validate their existance by being with someone else because there pressure into believing that co-existing with a girl will bring them happyness.

There not taught to self-believe in themselves and thus if they cant be happy by themselves than how can they expect anyone else to happy with them aswell, Ive never had a full-time relationship all my life for 25 years, yes I admit its tough, but im a solitary wolf anyway and as such Im happy being that. I find the freedom enlightening as I have all the time to myself without explaining myself to another person, and all the cash to spend on myself.

I dont have to worry about going places, being home on time, how much I spend on myself or what I spend it on. Im "free" and I enjoy every minute of it, I dont need a girl to validate the person I am, and sex only really lasts so long before it becomes boring and repetitive anyway. If you feel lonely then just stick on some Venetian Snares, get outside and LIVE life again, remember you spent all your life without that girl prior to meeting her, why do you suddenly need her now?

Who wants to spend ALL their time with the same partner???

[edit on 3/11/09 by Mr Magoo]

reply to post by whaaa


Nice post, maybe you are right,
I have made enough grrls laugh, I have been known to get a little trashy and I can play the guitar (and mix records) maybe this is why I have often had 'friendly' girls in my area?

My point is though, many years ago I fell hopelessly in love with a young French grrl. At the time I had already achieved much (that she was unaware of) in my life and felt that I had no reason to 'show off' and impress this young laddie, so I just carried on...being nice. I was 100% ready to be committed and faithful (and obviously by this time, I knew how to perform well).. Doh!!! Wrong move!

The last ting that my love seemed to want, was a NICE boyfriend. In front of my eyes I watched her sleep with perhaps 20 twats in the space of a year, before ending up for 5 years with a rough and ready fella who seemed to not really care.

I will always thank her though, for toughening me up, and getting me ready for some fantastic and unforgettable future romantic encounters.

To this day I love her... I'm sure I always will.

Our lives now are poles apart and that is totally fine. But she showed me not to be TOO keen... even if you are a genuinely nice boy! Nice boys are not wanted.

Just don't be an insensitive twat!!!!!!!!!

wow,,, I am in the same boat ... but sadly I never had a gf nore kissed a girl.

So you went farther then me.

I am a nice guy. I asked out about 40 girls so far. They all turned me down. In highschool I was look at being the loser.

I asked the girls why are you turning me down. they said either of these: I am fat, ulgy, arab looking , pimples. after the 5th girl . I decided to clear up m pimples using herbs which worked. I am today and ever since after the 5th girl I was pimple free. I am still over weight by 20lbs. It's not noticeable. Like if I have my clothes on you can't tell I am fat or something. I have been working out lately but it's hard to keep it at a routine. I also eat more healthier and cut down on my calorie intake and losing 2lbs about every 2 weeks.

I haven't checked my weight yet. It's been going up and down.

I am a nice guy and kinda geeky/dorky. I can make the ladies laugh. So far 2 girls are interested in me. I make them laugh and they came up to me and said we should hang out sometime. They thought I was funny and cute they said. So far didn't hung out with them.

Right now I didn't hung out with them because I am really busy with own with owning my own business and going to college.

So I am in the same boat as you man. I remember girls in high school going after guys that were mean to them. Every week I would see a girl cry in the hallway because their bf broke up with them and found out he is going out with the next big thing another hot girl.

So I notice girls don't go for the guys that are nice. Since usually guys that are not aren't hot or at times not even cute looking. Since nice guys really don't have alot interest in their appearance usually.

Originally posted by computerwiz32
I remember girls in high school going after guys that were mean to them. Every week I would see a girl cry in the hallway because their bf broke up with them and found out he is going out with the next big thing another hot girl.

I think you've high-lighted part of the problem.

There must be competition between girls to see who can 'get' the guy who has so much experience and can pick and choose his girlfriends.

The girls all want the status that comes with being chosen by a popular man - regardless of how he treats them. Presumably, they don't think far enough ahead to see that he would dump them just as easily as the last one. And they kid themselves that they are going to be 'the one' for him.

It's all part of growing up, I think. There's something to be said for waiting a bit and not getting involved with the dating thing until one's older and, hopefully, a bit wiser.

You sound as if you're doing very well. To have the problem identified (albeit a bit cruelly) and then do something about it is a wonderful thing. Not everyone would do that.

I imagine going to the gym is a great way to meet new people with a similar interest?

Good luck.

-sigh-
What is it with you "nice guys" and your ENDLESS RANTING about why you can't get/keep a girlfriend?

Reason one: You always moan about being a nice guy who finishes last.
Annoying? YES.

Reason two: Could be anything.

She's not always dumping you for a jerk. Why do "nice guys" always think this? She could be leaving you because you smell bad, or maybe you're boring. Maybe you guys just don't have chemistry. Maybe she's disgusted by the way you eat. Maybe she hates your friends and family. Maybe you're bad in bed.

Why do guys think that just because they are "nice" they are entitled to a girlfriend who will love them forever? Why do we have to like you, just because you're nice?

I'm nice, and I don't expect every guy to like me.

Jesus! I've seen and heard this crap for way too long. Sometimes people just don't like you. Get over it.

[edit on 22-11-2009 by CrimeWave]

Originally posted by CrimeWave
-sigh-
What is it with you "nice guys" and your ENDLESS RANTING about why you can't get/keep a girlfriend?

Reason one: You always moan about being a nice guy who finishes last.
Annoying? YES.

Reason two: Could be anything.

She's not always dumping you for a jerk. Why do "nice guys" always think this? She could be leaving you because you smell bad, or maybe you're boring. Maybe you guys just don't have chemistry. Maybe she's disgusted by the way you eat. Maybe she hates your friends and family. Maybe you're bad in bed.

Why do guys think that just because they are "nice" they are entitled to a girlfriend who will love them forever? Why do we have to like you, just because you're nice?

I'm nice, and I don't expect every guy to like me.

Jesus! I've seen and heard this crap for way too long. Sometimes people just don't like you. Get over it.

[edit on 22-11-2009 by CrimeWave]

Hey Crimewave, do you like Black Panther? If yes, wink once.

ColoradoJens

It's ok to be a nice guy. Just don't let a girl who you like know that you are a nice guy.

The best one I ever dated was waaayy out of my league.

She had looks and money and was just about as unattainable as a woman gets.

I met her at a highbrow society party at a museum for the braniac types, but these folks were also skirting into the money/society realm as well.

I came with a friend who had asked me to come along because I'm smarter than the average bear and he frankly wanted to watch me make fun of the society types. I was good for a laugh back then but the party was really pretty boring. I obviously didn't fit in. I wore boots and jeans. The rest were wearing clothes that cost more than my car.

Everybody was on their best society behavior and the backslapping and elbow rubbing was all about the status from what I could see. There was a great deal of hard work being done to project the proper image.

I, on the other hand, was very happy to partake of the very high quality liquor that was being served and went through my fair share of drinks.
I was young and did go overboard a bit on my booze back then.

As the night went on I got good and buzzed and started saying what I thought about the bunch of them. Sarcasm becomes comedy and I attracted some attention from a few of the girls. I ended up spending a great deal of time with one of the hottest women I've ever seen.

The worse I acted the more she liked me.

As a regular guy I'm pretty non obtrusive but when I get drunk and act an ass, I'm human catnip!

I dated her for a few weeks and as a precaution stayed with the drink before dating rule, and she loved me.

Everything was great until one day I made a mistake. I didn't realize it at the time but it was the worst thing I could have done. I met her for lunch on a workday.

Yep. Sober, normal, every day guy. I was so normal that she lost interest in me then and there. She dumped me the next day.....told me I was a nice guy and she wanted to be friends.

I tell ya what. When I was drinking and treated her like crap, she did things that no 'friends' would ever consider.

When she realized I was just a nice guy, it was over.

Of course I'd never actually consider a long term relationship with her (because i'm pretty sure she's crazy) but it does illustrate a point.

For some women, maybe most women, attraction has nothing to do with how nice the guy is.

It's about the emotional stimulation.....thrills...excitement....danger.

And, for some odd reason, girls would rather take on an impossible project to turn an animal into a human that to have a ready made human from the get go.

All chicks are crazy. Bank on it.

Maybe women are also individuals and not a cooking recipe that always end up the way you think it should ?

reply to post by CrimeWave


Spot on CrimeWave.
Here's some breaking news for the whingers. Being 'nice' is not enough. All my neighbours are nice, the postman is nice, the grocer is nice... Does that mean I am supposed to fall for all of them?
It's not about being nice - it's about having an undefinable connection.
As for being rejected or whatever, it happens to all of us. Some more than others but that's life.
But for you guys, a little bit of advice. Be nice. We like nice. But don't confuse that with being a doormat. It seems some people can't tell the difference. And doormats are NOT attractive.


[edit on 4-12-2009 by unicorn1]

Originally posted by unicorn1
reply to post by CrimeWave

 

Spot on CrimeWave.
Here's some breaking news for the whingers. Being 'nice' is not enough. All my neighbours are nice, the postman is nice, the grocer is nice... Does that mean I am supposed to fall for all of them?
It's not about being nice - it's about having an undefinable connection.
As for being rejected or whatever, it happens to all of us. Some more than others but that's life.
But for you guys, a little bit of advice. Be nice. We like nice. But don't confuse that with being a doormat. It seems some people can't tell the difference. And doormats are NOT attractive.


[edit on 4-12-2009 by unicorn1]

*amen*

And in addition, dont be a jealous femme confused 'male' who is nice and complimenting but who she thought was either gay or just totally insane

I am one of those and I scared all but 1 woman away from me....and she was a butchy lesbian who wanted to "experiment'



So be nice, be courtious, be real, be willing to be critical and be complimenting at the right moments ..... Im sure thats a good start!

Originally posted by badgerprints
It's ok to be a nice guy. Just don't let a girl who you like know that you are a nice guy.

The best one I ever dated was waaayy out of my league.

She had looks and money and was just about as unattainable as a woman gets.

I met her at a highbrow society party at a museum for the braniac types, but these folks were also skirting into the money/society realm as well.

I came with a friend who had asked me to come along because I'm smarter than the average bear and he frankly wanted to watch me make fun of the society types. I was good for a laugh back then but the party was really pretty boring. I obviously didn't fit in. I wore boots and jeans. The rest were wearing clothes that cost more than my car.

Everybody was on their best society behavior and the backslapping and elbow rubbing was all about the status from what I could see. There was a great deal of hard work being done to project the proper image.

I, on the other hand, was very happy to partake of the very high quality liquor that was being served and went through my fair share of drinks.
I was young and did go overboard a bit on my booze back then.

As the night went on I got good and buzzed and started saying what I thought about the bunch of them. Sarcasm becomes comedy and I attracted some attention from a few of the girls. I ended up spending a great deal of time with one of the hottest women I've ever seen.

The worse I acted the more she liked me.

As a regular guy I'm pretty non obtrusive but when I get drunk and act an ass, I'm human catnip!

I dated her for a few weeks and as a precaution stayed with the drink before dating rule, and she loved me.

Everything was great until one day I made a mistake. I didn't realize it at the time but it was the worst thing I could have done. I met her for lunch on a workday.

Yep. Sober, normal, every day guy. I was so normal that she lost interest in me then and there. She dumped me the next day.....told me I was a nice guy and she wanted to be friends.

I tell ya what. When I was drinking and treated her like crap, she did things that no 'friends' would ever consider.

When she realized I was just a nice guy, it was over.

Of course I'd never actually consider a long term relationship with her (because i'm pretty sure she's crazy) but it does illustrate a point.

For some women, maybe most women, attraction has nothing to do with how nice the guy is.

It's about the emotional stimulation.....thrills...excitement....danger.

And, for some odd reason, girls would rather take on an impossible project to turn an animal into a human that to have a ready made human from the get go.

All chicks are crazy. Bank on it.

This is seriously an awesome post, and spot on. I don't post very often but logged in to quote this.

Women are generally nuts and they usually can't justify their nonsensical feelings at times. Neither can us men, and after so long of running into females like this you'll learn to move on and laugh at their delusion.

Am I supposed to be rude and stare at her chest?

well that is a start.
Girls do not break up with "nice guys" girls break up with guys for a number of reasons.
1)nice guy is normally just another way of saying "no spine"
2) she is seeing one of your friends on the side
3)she is gay
4) she thinks you are gay
5) she got #4 and #1 mixed up

Ive finally figured it out. Girls like assholes. More and more i see girls walking with a bad ass dudes. No more nice guy attitude from me. Wonder if this will work.

Nice is such a huge broad sweeping generalization. Most people are nice. It doesn't make them dating material.

Women DO want nice guys. But they also want CONFIDENT guys, who have their own lives.

There is a difference between Mr. I send you flowers every day after our first date because I am needy and desperate.
Or

I am nice but I have a bowling league, happy hour, and a soccer game to go too with the guys, see you next week.

Ah yes, the ancient and venerable "nice guys finish last in love" thread...a staple of every internet messageboard since the early 90s at least...how can there possibly be anything left to say on this topic?

And yet here I am, saying my say...

Chicks dig dudes with money, power, muscles, or status of some other kind. Dudes dig smokin' hot chicks. And that's the way it goes. Not necessarily fair on either side but we don't make the rules now do we?

And that's all I've got to say about that.

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/21412241fb6b.jpg[/atsimg]

[edit on 3/4/10 by silent thunder]

Not gonna say much, but listen up to this:

Women want Confident not Egotistical.

I'm pretty sure I can speak for the "majority" on this bit.
So don't confuse the two.





[edit on 4-3-2010 by LadySkadi]

Originally posted by silent thunder

Chicks dig dudes with money, power, muscles, or status of some other kind. Dudes dig smokin' hot chicks. And that's the way it goes. Not necessarily fair on either side but we don't make the rules now do we?

And that's all I've got to say about that.

Hah I reckon you're just about there with that

No seriously, I think the question goes either way tbh. It's not as simple as girls only like jerks! and guys only like hot girls, we're not all that bloody simple, I like to think not anyway!

Some of us are very masculine, some are not, some are romantic, some are not, we're all different even if it's in small ways, and not every girl will like a nice guy, nor will they all go for a tough guy. There's someone out there for us all, we just need to slow down and stop rushing it!

Originally posted by LadySkadi
Women want Confident not Egotistical.

Despite my rather snarky post above, as a male, I think this is an accurate and reasonable take on things. Although, I think we all know of (or perhaps have experienced for ourselves [*bows head in shame*]) many grotesquely mismatched and disasterous romances.

I suppose the difference between "confident" and "egotistical" can be hard to see, or will differ from person to person. That's where stuff gets complex.

Originally posted by valiant

No seriously, I think the question goes either way tbh. It's not as simple as girls only like jerks! and guys only like hot girls, we're not all that bloody simple, I like to think not anyway!

Some of us are very masculine, some are not, some are romantic, some are not, we're all different even if it's in small ways, and not every girl will like a nice guy, nor will they all go for a tough guy. There's someone out there for us all, we just need to slow down and stop rushing it!

Another good one. Of course things aren't so simple as I put it...and at different times in their lives, people (men and women both) want different things. Some are seeking stability and comfort, others want excitement and passion. I think its fair to say that as most people get older and wiser, they look beyond the base drives and outward appearances and look for inner qualities of people. If they are sane and rational, that is. But on the other hand, there is the ever-popular "mid-life crisis" (watch out for that one, ladies and gents) that can turn people's lives upside-down.

Personally, I think the healthiest way is to have your crazy, wild, superficial romances when you are young and then settle down. But not everyone can be so lucky. There are plenty who miss out on this aspect of youth and then find themselves chasing it later in life; some get what they want but my observation is that these types of things generally don't seem to go well.

[edit on 3/7/10 by silent thunder]

reply to post by silent thunder


Indeed

I couldn't see past a pair of fluttering eyelashes in my teens, kinda glad that's all over and done with though now! I just hope I manage to dodge the mid life crisis if the chance arises