Why do women break up with nice guys?

"While I am not defending Riley and Riley certainly does not need me to defend them I offer this line of thinking.

The Quiet Storm, in their infirmity, is more feminine than Riley. Pardon the crudity but Riley has a bigger pair hanging than does The Quiet Storm. No offense intended here to you Riley.

And by the very nature of much of womanhood ..women tend to find this pattern offensive...that they should have a bigger pair than a male. They may find it useful at times that they have a bigger pair than a male but at the same time offensive..in a male. Most women/females I have ever known are not interested in underwriting a males insecurities/maintenance costs at their expense. It is not socially acceptable to most of them.
This is a long winded way of stating as to what Riley and others are alluding.

I do not believe The Quiet Storm fully comprehends what this means and implies in women/females and the relationship to why they tend to turn away from him. Once again ..no problem with me on this. The Quiet Storm is certainly welcome to spend their career in the classroom while the rest of us are out here in the world solving problems and taking RISKS..male and female both. "

Nice, underhanded insult. Again all you do is patronize. You can't see anything positive about me, all you can do is try to make me look inferior to you to make yourself look better in the eyes of others. Insecurity about you?

Anyways, have you ever thought that maybe what defines masculinity is not necessarily aggression, violent deviant behavior, offensiveness, deceptive, mischeviousness, cruelty, brutality, cold, harsh, inconsiderate, naughty, bad etc.?

If you go by that definition, then of course Riley is definitely more "masculine" than I.

But of course you get many stars for your posts. I assume most of these come from women who get hot and bothered by males with aggressive and violent qualities, offensiveness, cruelty, brutality, coldness, harshness, being the loudest, disrespectful, deceptive etc. and also men who would think the same. Lol.

Rape, Fantasies, and Female Arousal
www.slate.com...

Here's another good article.

My take..

I think women confuse the sexual response with their own "will" to be raped. A woman who experiences rape whether by real life experience or "simulated" fantasy, finding herself becoming aroused will be confused and question whether she really dislikes rape. This becomes the problem and it makes her insecure, and opens her up to the possibilities of being raped, and thinking she actually likes it. The body and the mind are different things. At least, the body and the will. A person in reality does not want to be raped, but then what if they become aroused?

To put it simply, anyone who is physically stimulated on their genital region will experience a sexual response, regardless of who it is. It is forceful stimulation. This doesn't mean that you really "want it". It just means that you're physical body, which has a mind of it's own reacts, because it's sensitive in the genital region. It's a purely physical response. Then again emotions are ALSO a physical response. I'm sure this can cause confusion for many, who think emotions are just purely "non-physical mind stuff". Everything is connected there is both physical and energetic.

Pleasure is pleasure. Right?

Then there are women who want it rough. Ok, a knowledgable woman might be one to know what she really wants than a woman who's just being reactionary and thinking that she actually wants at the highest levels, rape. Also pain.

Some pain really isn't pain though, just a jolt, and during the mixture of sexual pleasure it becomes slightly more pleasurable or easier to tolerate. The problem becomes when both man and woman actually think woman really wants to experience pain related to true suffering.

Of course. I think some women are confused though and actually think they want rape and they want suffering. Then again... the nature of suffering is such that for any human to go through suffering he/she has to come to the realization or thought that one is actually "suffering" to overcome it by associating positivity with it and pleasure. It's paradoxical, the subconscious thinks you like the suffering, and trauma can set in and you're in a never ending loop of experiencing and attracting the same type of suffering over and over again just to become at peace with it.

So, people that really truly believe that some humans really want suffering are confused and ignorant of the mechanism that humanity uses to deal with with, and just how easy it is to fall into the trap, the happiness trap. The dopamine cycling. Etc.

If we had no emotional response, it would probably be easier to let go of suffering.

So no humans do not actually want to suffer, but some believe they do. It is those who believe they do that actually want to suffer the most but in essence they themselves don't really want to know what true suffering means. They dont want to know what real suffering is. Some also believe suffering is necessary and they cannot separate life from suffering and therefore think life is all about suffering. It sets you up for the trap. They too want to suffer. But in the end non, even those people, truly want to experience real suffering.

Case in point: I know, and have always known that women don't actually want to suffer, and want negative traits in males.

The fact is that many of them themselves believe they do, even if subconsciously. It is brainwashing. It is also ignorance, or shortsightedness. For those that do believe this, can it be said they actually DO want to suffer?

No, but terrifyingly close.

No one I believe, wants evil in the deepest sense of their being, and at the highest level of desire. most have simply come to believe that they do. Even if subsconsciously.

Even those who accept "evil" in our world...

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm
Rape, Fantasies, and Female Arousal
www.slate.com...

Here's another good article.

It isn't a good article at all.

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm
I think women confuse the sexual response with their own "will" to be raped. A woman who experiences rape whether by real life experience or "simulated" fantasy, finding herself becoming aroused will be confused and question whether she really dislikes rape. This becomes the problem and it makes her insecure, and opens her up to the possibilities of being raped, and thinking she actually likes it. The body and the mind are different things. At least, the body and the will. A person in reality does not want to be raped, but then what if they become aroused?

To put it simply, anyone who is physically stimulated on their genital region will experience a sexual response, regardless of who it is. It is forceful stimulation. This doesn't mean that you really "want it". It just means that you're physical body, which has a mind of it's own reacts, because it's sensitive in the genital region. It's a purely physical response. Then again emotions are ALSO a physical response. I'm sure this can cause confusion for many, who think emotions are just purely "non-physical mind stuff". Everything is connected there is both physical and energetic.

Firstly, any such study is subjective, practically all social science and most especially behavioural science, studies are fundamentally flawed by an inability to remove the observer completely from the study. Furthermore, any study, in any discipline, is subject to 'commission'. In the case of studies that cover human behaviour it is always worth checking to see which institution carried it out and who provided the funding. Very, very, very, very little blue skies research is carried out in the West, the vast majority is funded by goverment, military and the private sector. A very tiny proportion may be philathropic, but it is mostly driven by economics, profit or avoiding liability, that sort of thing.

The way in which the article presented the study, suggests, that it was more about planning marketing campaigns for perfume or some such nonsense in terms of the fantasies. I should imagine a small proportion of women do find the 'idea' of rape arousing, but I am sure that the majority do not, and the rest are thinking more of a heaving busom being ripped free from it's bodice and some slight resistence before a rather breathless deflowering, than an act of force or violence. I could be very wrong, but this article certainly doesn't convince me.

We can over analyse these things, and personally, I have very little interest in what other people get up to in their bedrooms as long as everyone involved is consenting, that article is little more that tittle tattle. I don't think we should be surprised that some women find such images arousing, some men do too, according to other such studies. You have to question what people would volunteer for these studies and how were they selected? It is, you see, all subjective. Kinsey for example used a disproportionate amount of prostitutes and female prisoners to gauge what the average 'Woman of America' thought of sexuality. So while, say, the report claimed 67% of women have had extra martial affairs (completely made up incidently), that does not reflect that 50% of those questioned had worked as prostitutes.

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm
Pleasure is pleasure. Right?

Then there are women who want it rough. Ok, a knowledgable woman might be one to know what she really wants than a woman who's just being reactionary and thinking that she actually wants at the highest levels, rape. Also pain.

Some pain really isn't pain though, just a jolt, and during the mixture of sexual pleasure it becomes slightly more pleasurable or easier to tolerate. The problem becomes when both man and woman actually think woman really wants to experience pain related to true suffering.

Of course. I think some women are confused though and actually think they want rape and they want suffering. Then again... the nature of suffering is such that for any human to go through suffering he/she has to come to the realization or thought that one is actually "suffering" to overcome it by associating positivity with it and pleasure. It's paradoxical, the subconscious thinks you like the suffering, and trauma can set in and you're in a never ending loop of experiencing and attracting the same type of suffering over and over again just to become at peace with it.

You have to be very cautious about generalising here, because I cannot possibly sit here and deny that there are women out there who fit into that criteria but you are reading far, far, far too much into it. There are a lot of people who have had terrible experiences and those that survive tend to do so because they do not know what else to do and therefore learn to comply or whatever it is they have to do. People can be severly damaged by experience, especially violent sexual abuse during childhood, or any violence during childhood, and some things cannot, always, be undone. If you look at the girls who were taken from villages in Cambodia, vietnam etc, etc, systematically raped and 'cared' for, ala Patty Hearst, then sent out to work as prostitute/spies. Patty's family cared enough to break through to her. These girls families were dead, no one ever rescued them. Of course those girls learn to 'like' it, that is what they have been programmed to do, and they know that they will die if they don't. Even though they consent, or even appear tp 'enjoy', it is still rape.

I just don't like the motivation of the article or the study. The majority of rape, like any other violent or sex crime, is committed by someone that the victim knows. In 'date rape' cases , a defence lawyer will select a largely female jury where possible, while the prosecution will favour men because it has been 'proven' that women will think the woman 'asked' for it, while the male jury is more likely to side with the victim and assume that because they know that 'no' means 'no', so should the accused, even if the testimony regarding consent is ambiguous. That study was funded, as I recall, by a legal practice seeking to better represent it's clients. To return to the article, I should imagine the majority of those questioned had perfectly mundane sexual fantasies, but it is just this one that gets circulated. The juiciest bit of gossip generally has the most economic leverage, the salacious sells! But, it has very little bearing on what the majority of us get up to and we should not allow ourselves to be deceived otherwise.

I definately don't think it explains why women break up with nice guys.

well I know one thing. I've never had a rape fantasy. I dont think too many males have had any, and if any not as much as women that's for sure. I have no need for a rape fantasy and neither does a woman. So why is it SO DARN common in women to have rape fantasies?

Why is it so darn common for women to have fantasies of males brutally dominating them and co-ercion?

Statistics tell us that it is common, so I'm not really making this up.

I know males have had the same but not as much I'd think.

Maybe I'm just misunderstanding it since I'm not in a woman's point of view.

Woman just likes to be ravished, but so do men?

Can you also see how this can be horrifying to a male who would just want the best for a woman? To know that he is also losing in some "ravishing" competition, a cold hard, brutal reality check that actually asserts that women actually want to be dominated aggressively like prey?

No, he doesn't want that. I assure you he doesn't want that.

reply to post by Edrick

Of all of the Female Humans on the PLANET... you picked Paris Hilton.... Why? I mean, She is not exactly the embodiment of a Quality Woman.

The woman is comedic gold, as well as a little of wisdom once in a while. Ever listen to the things she says, here is the quote I was implying to that I gave The Quiet Storm on some other thread.

Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything. PARIS HILTON

Now that is pure wisdom, she tells it like it is when it comes to concerning women and what they want.

or these there just funny as hell.

At parties, everyone always thinks I'm drinking--but actually I rarely drink. I live on energy drinks, basically. I LOVE Vitamin Water. I have cases in my house. I drink energy drinks and Vitamin Water all night. That's how I manage to stay up late and never smudge my makeup or mess up my hair. You can see all these girls leaving a party at the end of the night, and they look terrible because they were too out of it to reapply their makeup or even glance in a mirror. This is a huge mistake. People remember how you look when you leave as much as they remember how you looked when you arrived. PARIS HILTON

or

No matter what a woman looks like, if she's confident, she's sexy. PARIS HILTON

there are so many contradictions in that it's really hilarious.

or this.

People are going to judge me: "Paris Hilton, she uses money to get what she wants." Whatever, I haven't accepted money from my parents since I was 18. I've worked my ass off. I have things no heiress has. I've done it all on my own, like a hustler. PARIS HILTON

I could spend all day reading her quotes and get more comedy, then most professional comedians.

But anyways enough of paris hilton.

You know when people get all emotional like you just did, it usually means I struck a nerve, or truth that they don't want to see. And your video of some dude expressing that I just made you stupider is really cool, I'll give you that. But your vid and your opinion is wrong, quit getting all emotional dude, and I would ask you for a second opinion, just to see if you have some more cool videos. But that to is not needed, because I have probably heard it all.

-Edrick (You and me, We're done... Professionally)

I had no clue we ever begun anything, and I could only guess at what professionally is supposed to mean.....But here I'll help you in your future endeavors of trying to understand and communicate with people mainly women who are a lot of things but being logical is not among those things...... " Is it not very illogical to try to communicate with someone who does not understand logic by using logic, were is the logic in using logic to understand something that does not operate on logic?".... Anyways peace out Edrick, known by some as Tim. I still think your cool.

reply to post by Edrick


Edrick,

Indeed..you are quite correct here.

I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO CORRECT YOU... and my corrections have ALSO been rejected by you.

Quite correct. I will expand on this ..not only have your corrections been rejected by me but also by others on this board. Correct.

Yeah, that's the problem..... He also bears the responsibility for ANY women who happens to be in his life, as if she is not capable of being Truly Equal.

Correct again here Edrick. Well stated. TQS is responsible. Also of importance here ..what makes you think that today's woman is interested in True Equality..verses the "appearance of equality?" Both you and TQS might want to think this through in logic since science seems to be your religion.
As I stated in a previous post...most women I know are not that interested in science. They dont want to know the details..only the results. They dont want to know how the buffet line gets filled. Neither do many of todays males. By the way..does science explain this in detail..how the buffet line gets filled??

Edrick,

So, you are calling TQS someone who never gets out of the house, eh?

You really don't see your Insults, do you?

I think this escaped your scientific chains. You are incapable like TQS of grasping both female and male nuances or even directness.
You are dealing with a man here. I don't believe you are accustomed to the world of men..only science and the ego of science. Science is a very poor religion by which to grasp the nuances of the world outside the classroom.
IF you think what I am saying here is insulting..you will not make it outside the classroom among real men. You had better grow a much thicker bark. Men know this about other men. That you don't seem to grasp it is indicative of your lack of exposure to the world of men. Not only do men know this ..but women know it instinctively as well.

Now for this important point and very telling of what I just posted above this paragraph.

YOU DIDN'T ACTUALLY RESPOND TO WHAT I SAID.

And what do you mean by "Pass Muster"?

I am astonished that you have to ask this question in addition to the question here.

So why do you attempt to destroy their confidence so much?

A mature man who has been out here in the world and away from the "scientific classroom:" has no need to ask either question..they alreay know.

Women and females attempt to :"destroy or shake up a mans/males confidence as a test..to see if they can make the grade..go the distance. To see if they are suitable material for their beliefs and expectations. It is a test of character.

In Naval parlance this is called "Passing Muster." Passing inspection. A man knows this Edrick. You here are telling on yourself. In this manner so too is The Quiet Storm. This is one of the nuances and subtleties that men and women know...who have been outside the classroom. This is taught by experience and not by scientific studies.

If you find this insulting....well..thats just tough Edrick. You too The Quiet Storm. People out here know this clearly. It is not intended to insult. If you take it that way..Bon Appetit.

That you are so thin skinned on a forum like this tells me that you are less than most men or males out here who know what is Real Genuine RISK in their lives. Most women as well. They are not deceived by your posturing here or on any other thread.
This is not intended as in insult. It is the simple truth known by people of experience who have lived and RISKED outside the classroom. Once again...if the best you can do it take it as an insult...Bon Appetit.

I will not be losing sleep over it. I have more important concerns than your being or perceiving insult.

Or to put it another way..neither you or I are sitting on the only one in town. Nor anyone else reading this...including The Quiet Storm.

Oh...and before I forget...thanks for the correction about me getting Namine's post confused as Riley's. My apologies also to Namine and Riley for the confusion.

As to this...Edrick.

THEN WHY DO YOU LET THEM VOTE, IF THEY ARE CAPABLE OF NOTHING BUT FOLLOWING?

I am well aware of how giving the women the vote changed totally the character of American Politics..as well as giving the 18 year oldes the vote. Both groups can be controlled to vote on a puppet string based on someone stroking their emotions rather than thinking or knowing about RISK taking. They will vote always towards security rather than opportunity and on the public purse strings.
And not just women and 18 year oldes but other groups have been identified today for control by the strings on their emotions. This has become a cottage industry here in this country. This is sometimes called " Identity politics"..the stroking of groups by identity and for predictable, malleable, controllable, guaranteed votes.

I'm here to Rescue *YOU*

I recommend that you do not take this as an insult Edrick, but I am not asking you to rescue me. Nor to my knowledge is anyone else here. No Thanks Edrick. You might want to check your science sources on this one.

While I am not in this for stars on the headings here. I do appreciate the consideration of those who have contributed such. I had not even considered it Edrick until you posted about such.
I do not go through life looking for stars nor am motivated by such. But that is just me...it is the way I am.

I'm going to give you some pointers here from manly experience ..not science Edrick.

This here. I am going to answer your final on your last post to me.

Postulate:

Confidence is Essential for men to have for Successful relationships

True or False (You picked True, unless you want to be Ignorant)

So, Are these underhanded insults HELPFUL, or HARMFUL to that Confidence?

Answer YES OR NO ONLY.

No misdirection, No Distraction, No lengthy paragraphs of meaningless Filler.

YES - OR - NO.

Confidence is definitely essential in a man or woman who often have to go it alone...no help..no one to rescue them or save them from the world. Definitely. And Including in a relationship. Confidence can carry one through when not much else can so do.

Now the second part is where you have problems and it shows.

If you think what is posted here on this thread is insulting ...you are not much of a man. And the men on this board or thread know it once again as well as do the women. You once again tell on yourself and so too does The Quiet Storm.

For this world outside the classroom and science requires a hard bark..and you have demonstrated clearly to the observers here..that you do not have it ...cannot pass muster..no matter how much science to which you claim title.

That you must belabor the point with science only shows a lack of comprehension about the world outside the classroom. Same for The Quiet Storm.

For what is known by people who can think for themselves..is that though science has put is in better cars, homes, electronic gadgets, foods and a whole gamut of items...it has not made us better peoples. You yourself clearly demonstrate this by your perceiving insults at what people post on this thread when they disagree with you. So too with The Quiet Storm.

This basic knowledge/awareness is why people reading your posts are not interested in your attempts at rescue...or education.

Hope this helps you Edrick. The Quiet Storm as well.

Thanks,
Orangetom

edit on 14-11-2010 by orangetom1999 because: (no reason given)