Why do women break up with nice guys?

reply to post by Edrick


It’s “nice guys” because that’s what THEY claim to be. Since they lack confidence to express themselves openly, their approach to women involves a lot of ACTING nice to impress. They’re not happy with themselves and so they have to deceive women into believing they’re something they’re really not, put up an image of niceness, but the girls they’re after don’t buy that image. They need more self-esteem as their awkwardness doesn’t make it easy for women to read them either. I’m not going to go through how “nice guys” with superiority complexes can be narcissistic again because I feel like I’d be repeating myself.

Being confident to express yourself doesn’t automatically make you a jerk, and they need to understand that, because confidence is probably the most valuable commodity to have on the dating scene, whereas neediness is not, and can even be creepy. Nice guys can be nice without losing their backbones in the process. It doesn’t hurt to know how to have a little fun, too, and be interesting.

All of this is obvious, at least to me, and I’d be surprised if you haven’t heard it before. You might think it’s cliché but real life experience and analysis points to its validity. I have met a “nice guy” before, and well, suffice to say, he was not nearly as nice as he made out to be…turned out to be one of the biggest jerks on the planet in fact, and he never knew it.

This thread is an absolute riot on so many levels.

Nice Guys? In whose eyes? How do you get that label? Do you just decide that you are "nice" and so if that doesn't make all women go all humid then there is something wrong with them?

Nice Guys makes me think of a character in the horrible "Bedazzled" with Fraser where he is a "nice guy" with his girlfriend on the beach.....

edit to add

I guess where I get lost is with the idea that women are "supposed" to not break up with a certain man. I'm all for women dating, mating, and breaking up with whomever they choose; it's not like they owe an explanation for it.

The women who broke up with me, or never responded in the first place, are not evil or cruel for having done so--they just had other plans. Accept the other person's right to choose, and move on....

.

reply to post by namine

It’s “nice guys” because that’s what THEY claim to be.

No, that is because NICE is what they ARE.

Since they lack confidence to express themselves openly, their approach to women involves a lot of ACTING nice to impress.

Negative, Putting on false airs of Brauvada is reserved exclusivley for the Deceptive, Psychopathic personalities.

Nice guys are not Deceptive, their Malicious Counterparts are, and they attempt to Box these NICE guys into an isolated corner of a lack of companionship.

They’re not happy with themselves and so they have to deceive women into believing they’re something they’re really not

Would you like to provide proof for your accusation?

Or are you just presuming and Assuming?

put up an image of niceness

It's not an image, if it is true.

but the girls they’re after don’t buy that image.

They are Buying a decidedly different Image, aren't they?

They need more self-esteem as their awkwardness doesn’t make it easy for women to read them either.

Hardly... you are saying that NICE guys are Psychopathic, Deceptive, and Malicious persons.

Buy we already have scientific PROOF that women PREFER deceptive, psychopathic personalities.

So, if what you are saying is true, and these NICE guys are indeed DECEPTIVE and Psychopathic, then they would be getting more action... wouldn't they?

Q.E.D.

You are wrong.

I’m not going to go through how “nice guys” with superiority complexes can be narcissistic again because I feel like I’d be repeating myself.

You have been repeating yourself for quite some time.

And its always the same old Accusations and Ad Homenim attacks coupled with Strawnam fallacies.

Being confident to express yourself doesn’t automatically make you a jerk

Being NICE enough to treat others with kindness doesn't automatically make you deceptive.

and they need to understand that, because confidence is probably the most valuable commodity to have on the dating scene

Yeah... you are right about that.

So why do you attempt to destroy their confidence so much?

Nice guys can be nice without losing their backbones in the process. It doesn’t hurt to know how to have a little fun, too, and be interesting.

Oh, ok... so what you are saying, is that anyone who is NICE, is automatically a Frail weakling with no personality, as well as a total bore?

That's quite an underhanded attack, isn't it?

All of this is obvious, at least to me, and I’d be surprised if you haven’t heard it before.

Oh, I HAVE heard these lines before, repeated so often that FRANKLY, it's getting a little old.

You might think it’s cliché but real life experience and analysis points to its validity.

Source Please.

I have met a “nice guy” before, and well, suffice to say, he was not nearly as nice as he made out to be…turned out to be one of the biggest jerks on the planet in fact, and he never knew it.

IS this YOUR definition of NICE, or the Dictionary's definition of nice.

Because as far as I can tell... you seem to use the word NICE as a General Attack against people who you would rather not see having relationships.

Subtly attacking their confidence in the guise of helping them.

Seriously.

-Edrick

reply to post by dr_strangecraft

Nice Guys? In whose eyes? How do you get that label?

By the definition of the words NICE, and GUY.

Do you just decide that you are "nice" and so if that doesn't make all women go all humid then there is something wrong with them?

Niceness is a quality that is evident in peoples mannerisms, and behavior.

Your presumption that men who are NICE, are somehow expecting their NICENESS ALONE to get them girls is QUITE a stretch... and, I would state, an attack on the NICE portion of the population.

It is presumptuous.... and I would like you to back up your *CLAIM* with some Evidence, please.

Nice Guys makes me think of a character in the horrible "Bedazzled" with Fraser where he is a "nice guy" with his girlfriend on the beach.....

OH!!! I love playing this game....

You are making me think of This Thread:

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Sunday, a targeted man compared the societal system of spying, or "ratting," to the old game called "Gossip." Understanding the root of the insidious game, formalized into an $80 billion industry for thugs to inflict torture in a reign of terror on innocent targets, is provided on the Targeted Individual website, developed into the short video below, an in George W. Bush's statements shortly after 911.

I guess where I get lost is with the idea that women are "supposed" to not break up with a certain man. I'm all for women dating, mating, and breaking up with whomever they choose; it's not like they owe an explanation for it.

Well, it's less a discussion over what women *SHOULD* do... as you seem to be asserting.

and it's more of a discussion over what women *DO*... just in case you want to stay on topic and all.

Again, the title of this thread is "Why do women break up with nice guys?"

*NOT*

"Let's all Insult people who don't have the most Sex"

The women who broke up with me, or never responded in the first place, are not evil or cruel for having done so--they just had other plans. Accept the other person's right to choose, and move on....

I accept that freewill must be free of any Undue influence over the minds of men and women.

I also accept that LOGIC is Superior to Emotional Wordplay.

-Edrick

There are plenty of nice guys that do fine in the dating world.

BUT, they don't advertise themselves first and foremost as "Nice"

They treat women well, as long as the women want to be treated well.
They are good dads and they help raise their children.

You see them coaching the sports teams of their children. You see them working. You see them buying houses. But you don't see them as advertising themselves as NICE.

reply to post by The Quiet Storm


I didn't even bother reading the title last time before i responded a couple of pages back, so forgot what they were all talking about. But I'm pretty sure it was you or could of been another dude, on another thread some while ago, were the same question was insinuated by off path conversation, and I gave you that quote from Paris Hilton and what females want.

Well first in the mating game there is no such thing as a nice guy, if your male there is only competition for attracting females. If your female you really have no concept of this though, because they don't really have to try, things just come to them, so most of them are either on power trips, or are real paranoid about the guys that are on power trips. But there right on one thing, men usually try to get with women to get in there pants, but that is equal to, women waiting around for guys to get with them that have confidence, or as it's known to the average hard working male's everywhere, "money". You see it's just a game of insecurities, even this whole thing of making a good first impression is a deceit, because to make a good impression means to try to be better then you are really in daily life, or something totally different then you are. So you see in a way its just a process of creating illusions.

If your a nice guy by nature or have been thought like that or raised like that, I suppose there are females out there that would be into that, though most of them aren't into that for a verity of many reasons, foremost being money and power, there not really looking for nice guys or even bad boys, like that orangetom dude said there looking to start a family and the things that entitle such an endeavor including involvement of felling's, and comfort and whatever else. So all in all, if the girl your trying to get with like's you they will go for you and you will know it, it's really all it is. And also if some girl is not interested in you, they wont tell you, but you will get the picture, because it would probably be the last you will see of her.

So the question why do women break up with nice guys? is mute because that would probably only be one of the many characteristics the ladies are looking for, if there looking for that at all.


All in all dude if you want to be more popular with the ladies forget trying to be nice, and if you really are nice, forget trying to be yourself, if there are females out there that like the nice guys, they seem to be in the minority. So if you want more broader options you should get a bike and some tattoos I guess, be more like this guy if you want the ladies to be attracted to you. I beat you, that he's got lots of female fans.


But a word of warning, they say that nice guys finish last. But from what I have seen of the people that say that, and there females, I wouldn't want to finish first, just seems like a waste of time and a headache. And after all someone has to pay for all that shint, better them then me. All in all if the ladies don't seem interested in you, it's better to just move on, and forget trying to fake it or try to be something your not, there are plenty of fish in the sea. If you say your a nice guy, its really just your opinion, and if some girl does not like you, just move on. End of story.

reply to post by Wildbob77

There are plenty of nice guys that do fine in the dating world.

BUT, they don't advertise themselves first and foremost as "Nice"

Who Does?

But you don't see them as advertising themselves as NICE.

Once again... Who does?

Seriously.

-Edrick

reply to post by galadofwarthethird

and I gave you that quote from Paris Hilton and what females want.

Wow.

I can't believe that you went there.

Paris Hilton?

Really?

Well first in the mating game there is no such thing as a nice guy, if your male there is only competition for attracting females.

Really?

I find that an interesting statement.

especially considering your next paragraph:

If your a nice guy by nature or have been thought like that or raised like that....

So, they DON'T EXIST, but, they DO at the same time?

if your male there is only competition for attracting females. If your female you really have no concept of this though, because they don't really have to try

Then why do we consider them Equals?

Why do we let them VOTE?

things just come to them

Yeah... it's like they think that Life is some Divine Gift that is given to them JUST BECAUSE THEY EXIST.

As opposed to having to go through the Trials and Tribulations that men do.

Having no Hurdles to pass through in life, they have no respect for CONSEQUENCES... and thus, their DECISIONS are based upon a FALSE PERCEPTION OF REALITY, as opposed to EXPERIENCING reality.

So, why are we letting them VOTE, if they do not, LIKE MEN, have to cross the threshold of actually TRYING to fetch their own happiness?

You see it's just a game of insecurities, even this whole thing of making a good first impression is a deceit, because to make a good impression means to try to be better then you are really in daily life, or something totally different then you are. So you see in a way its just a process of creating illusions.

Exactly.. so Those who are perfectly FINE with Crafting ILLUSIONS about themselves are the ones who have the most success with relationships.

And, those who end up BELIEVING their own Self Crafted Illusions will be the most Successful at entering relationships.

This is known as Psychopathy.

Since women do not have to EARN any of their "Rights", they inevitably start to think of themselves as Perfect, or Divine.

And those men who craft illusions around themselves, tend to RESONATE with this False perception of reality in Women, THUS, their Lies connect.... they have Sex....

And the World Dies a little bit, choked by its own....

*IGNORANCE*


This is why the Western world is Collapsing before our Eyes.... because THROUGH RELATIONSHIPS we (as a society) have come to ACCEPT Lies *AS* truth.

Thus, Those who are HONEST about who they are, are EXCLUDED from Relationships, and thus, the Self Esteem that goes with them.

Thus, the most CONFIDENT and SELF ASSURED of us, are those who cannot differentiate FANTASY from REALITY....

And they end up thinking that you can save an Economy, by Printing Money.

Because they do not understand Value.

If your a nice guy by nature or have been thought like that or raised like that, I suppose there are females out there that would be into that, though most of them aren't into that for a verity of many reasons, foremost being money and power

LOL! that is PRECISELY the problem... people in the Western world think that money *IS* power....

Just like the Government of Zimbabwe did, before their currency inflated something like 10 million percent in a few weeks.

there not really looking for nice guys or even bad boys, like that orangetom dude said there looking to start a family and the things that entitle such an endeavor including involvement of felling's, and comfort and whatever else.

Look... the problem with relationships, is the Problem with your Economies.


One cannot EAT lies.... Even Self deceptive ones.

It does not WORK, Ask the Roman Emperor....

Oh, wait, you can't... There IS NO LONGER A ROMAN EMPIRE.

Their women Got uppity Also, and they CAVED into their Emotional Demands.... There was no longer any incentive for any man to work on ANY ENDEAVOR, except Chasing Women.


So, Like I said Before.... I'm going to do you a Favor.


Take all of your WOMEN, and send them to CHINA.


Because THEY are the ones who are currently SUPPORTING YOUR ENTIRE SOCIETY.

And I hear that women LIKE Men who are good Providers.


-Edrick

reply to post by galadofwarthethird


alright so here's a reply I'll give.

It's really a lie that women want money.

Women want Lying psychopathic, impulsive, deceptive, self obsessed/narcissistic men. It's not money they're looking for, because in the first place it takes degree of these above qualities to even become successful in some way, with women or other things. Yes it's true.

Virtue, qualities, real value etc. in this world, although in some spiritual societies gives a person legitimacy, over here it's about "material successes" and since it's about money the only way to get money in this world is to be aggressive. Not assertive, assertiveness is only reserved for a utopian society, but aggression.

Therefore what is all comes down to, is women and men seeing that women really only want money, but that is not really true. There are many men without the money, but there are far more 'bad boys' who don't have money that get the women simply because they are 'bad'. In essence it's not about money, it ultimately comes down to being bad.

An ancient conflicted past has engineered the human being to biologically thrive on conflict through the "normal" sexual response. I say normal in quotations because it's really the most common sexual response. As opposed to others like tantric sex, karezza, consumate love etc. Even so, it only evolved into the human experience starting with to keep the man and woman together to raise children through pair-bonding. Though with tantra, karezza and consumate love we can work around the "normal" sexual response which is based on fear. Otherwise the normal sexual response would only support human conflict and therefore continue breeding it since it thrives on conflict. The other sex responses which aren't as common thrives on the opposite.

Women might say that they like the nice guy, but not through the "normal/most common" sexual response... They may not like the bad boy, but through the "normal/common" sexual response they are unconsciously attracted to them.

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm
reply to post by galadofwarthethird

 

Women want Lying psychopathic, impulsive, deceptive, self obsessed/narcissistic men.

No genuinely "nice guy" would make disgusting generalizations such as you just made. You cry victim all through this thread yet here you are back again saying women want men who will abuse them? Alot of abusers actually say women like abusive men too so you are already half way there.

Originally posted by dr_strangecraft
This thread is an absolute riot on so many levels.

Nice Guys? In whose eyes? How do you get that label? Do you just decide that you are "nice" and so if that doesn't make all women go all humid then there is something wrong with them?

I'd find it preferable that a guy would have alot more qualities to define himself by rather than just being nice. Being "nice"; as in well mannered, respectful and polite (rather than creepy and needy) should be a given not something to brag about endlessly like he's the first peson to ever consider using basic civility.

you dont see the scientific articles about women being attracted to lying psychopathic, deceitful, narcissist, impulsive men? There has been many news articles on this before, the "dark triad" of traits that attract women the most.

I'm only going by the articles anyways. I would really like to not believe it but if mainstream media backs it up, an therefore society does then it holds true.

It's not disgusting, why should you feel offended? Taking it a little personal?

You dont have to act offended, rather more like confused, or something other than acting "offended".

It just further gives me incentive to believe you're just a shill, that turns everything I say around. I mean you ONLY target me, and you ONLY see 'negative' things about me. It is because you spend all this time here trying to discredit me, in such a way that is unecessary and incomprehensible.

You just seem to react rather than reason. And of course, the one who shouts the loudest is always right? All you seem to do is attack attack attack. Insults, etc. There is no debate you're really interested in.

Another thing: you're absolutely cold and indifferent and totally ignorant of anything other than the viewpoint that you want to see. Totally close-minded. There's no way that you could actually really care about anything I really post.

Even if I posted to you all the proof in the world you would still be the same way. You have one mission in mind and it is to destroy my reputation and not at all to seek truth.

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm
It's not disgusting, why should you feel offended? Taking it a little personal?

Yes I am a woman who does NOT like being abused by men and will not tolerate men trying to spread the MYTH that we do.

So where are the science articles that women actually do prefer good traits?

I'm not talking about movies here.

Here's one article that is close but not quite IMO: Women Prefer Prestige Over Dominance in Males
www.sciencedaily.com...

A new study in the journal Personal Relationships reveals that women prefer mates who are recognized by their peers for their skills, abilities, and achievements, while not preferring men who use coercive tactics to subordinate their rivals. Indeed, women found dominance strategies of the latter type to be attractive primarily when men used them in the context of male-male athletic competitions.

Ok, that's equivalent to saying females simply prefer to choose a male on behalf of others' opinion of them, rather than direct experience. Ie, social status. Which doesn't necessitate that a male is actually good, the male may simply be deceptive or the female relies on short-sightedness.

A male playing aloof or the good guy can also deceptive.

How about all the women on ats who have actually posted and SAID they do NOT like abusive men?

You do not count our opinions as being valid because you WANT to believe we like being abused. Abusive men use the same rationale to justify their behaviour. It is not "nice" to make bigoted generalizations.

Not exactly.. I'd rather see scientific evidence than mere opinion since it has been said that women commonly say one thing and do another.

I believe that right now the vast amount of scientific research on the topic mostly supports the idea that women are attracted more to negative traits than to positive traits. I'm not talking about subjective positive and negative traits either.

Here's another:
'Selfless' Genes Attract Mates, Psychologists Findwww.sciencedaily.com...
Being Altruistic May make you More attractive
www.sciencedaily.com...

Though one could also think that altruism simply displays to the woman that you are naturally dominant such that you dont need to 'force' dominance. Though it's still about dominance nonetheless.

ie to put it more clearly...

A woman sees a male giving to another hundreds of dollars. That's "altruist". But in reality you would not be able to give that unless you had the money in the first place, the incentive to, etc. Automatically it means that a male is able to be give money because he already has dominant traits in the first place, ie like having money and status. Which therefore means that he doesn't need to over-exert himself.

Kind of like how a male can be so bad with a woman, because he's "good enough...."

Over Half of Women in Abusive Relationships Still Saw Their Male Partners as Dependablewww.sciencedaily.com...

Over half?

What's also telling is that at least 42 % of all the women interviewed were in abusive relationships. That is wayy too close for comfort.

why is this thread still going?
there is nothing to talk about but sexism and cryes.
you may be a good man,you maybe a bad man, in the end you just find to find the girl that likes you.
and thats it,keep searching and find love, then you wont be sand anymore.

i always sayd i was a great man,and was angry that no one liked me, and i was right, im a very nice man when i have a girl that appretiates me,i can do breakfast in bed,and care for her,but i can be very selfish and not carying too, i just need to not forget that if it wasnt for this girl,i would be so depressed i would kill my self.

nothing wrong with rubbing it in the peoples who hurted you faces. you can insult them and say "xaax i found a woman that loves me,now were rich,and go to vacations while you rot lonely and die"
just enjoy yourself

Okay, so if nice isn't the sole component of one's personality, but only a part of it, why do guys who get broken up with have to automatically label themselves as 'nice' guys? And why do they assume that the reason they were broken up with is because of how nice they are? Could it be because they just aren't what that girl was looking for? And I know you will try to explain to me how it is some sort of psychology that I can't understand, and that subconsciously all women want to date horrible abusive men who slander all competition for the women they are only trying to have sex with, but I don't think that every guy out there who considers himself at least a little bit nice, enough to have it be a part of his personality, has been broken up with specifically because of how nice he is.

Oh, are you speaking about someone in particular?

Yes.

Wow, you went from Nice Guy to Macho Guy pretty fast... Care to explain that leap of Logic?

I was referring to the idea that if these so-called nice guys decided to all of a sudden become rude and neglectful towards women, they would be acting macho, and bitter. I'm not saying that these nice guys who are getting dumped all over the place are all macho jerks, just the ones who decide to ignore phone calls/see multiple women at a time.

Well, I would have to agree with you.... I am Generally Civil to people in all circumstances, unless they break the *Cardinal Rules* of "Etiquette", that is.... You know... Like Trespassing or whatever.

Trespassing is a pretty big bummer, and shouldn't be taken lightly.