Why do women break up with nice guys?

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posted on Oct, 16 2008 @ 12:46 AM
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God damn it, I am so sick of these "nice guy threads." I'm confident, and I'm genuine. I'm genuinely nice to women that I'm pursuing or dating. Why? It's not because I want to get into the sack with them or because I lack confidence, but because I'm simply a nice person. I've said it all before and made my case in the other nice guy threads. I'm a good looking, physically fit, intelligent, hard-working, confident guy with many interests who loves to treat a woman right. I like to do nice things for people and make them feel good about themselves like I do myself, and if I get rejected because of it, then that person doesn't deserve what I have to offer. The next person I hear dissing on the "nice guy" out here in the real world is going to see what happens when they piss a real "nice guy" off.

I mean, I understand why the used car salesman act is a turnoff, but have faith. There are genuinely nice guys out there, just like I'm sure there are genuinely good girls who aren't crazy out there as well...I just haven't found one yet.




posted on Oct, 16 2008 @ 01:11 AM
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Originally posted by HermanThere are genuinely nice guys out there, just like I'm sure there are genuinely good girls who aren't crazy out there as well...I just haven't found one yet.


i agree

i think that a lot of times people get too caught up in the idea of being in a relationship that they are too quick to act and end up choosing the wrong person. i'm guilty of it myself but as i get older i realize more of what i actually want and need in another person and what i have to offer, so i am learning the virtue of patience



sometimes it takes a while but in the end it will be worth it

***edited a typo

[edit on 16-10-2008 by Barathrum]



posted on Oct, 17 2008 @ 04:28 PM
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Originally posted by SpookyVince

Originally posted by orange-light
have you ever asked the girls why they run away?


They're away...

Asking beforehand "why will you run away" is not smarter!




Sorry
I had to!

ha ha

he could have done that afterwards
usually dating people exchange telephone numbers
and a girl just splits, not moving to another planet
;P



posted on Oct, 17 2008 @ 04:34 PM
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Originally posted by HermanI mean, I understand why the used car salesman act is a turnoff, but have faith. There are genuinely nice guys out there, just like I'm sure there are genuinely good girls who aren't crazy out there as well...I just haven't found one yet.


I don't doubt that there are genuinely good guys out there – I've met a lot of them.

Usually they're dating the most drama-laden, high-maintenance girls around and wondering why their girlfriends are crazy.



posted on Oct, 17 2008 @ 05:01 PM
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reply to post by SuperSlovak
 


Why do women break up with nice guys?

I believe that there is no upshot whatsoever that ANY man should ever ask themselves "why?" any woman does/think anything, at any time, in any place, to any one.

Be confident in who you are and putter along life and never "pitch" yourself.

Chances are it's got nothing to do with you anyway.



posted on Oct, 17 2008 @ 05:21 PM
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Originally posted by americandingbat

Originally posted by HermanI mean, I understand why the used car salesman act is a turnoff, but have faith. There are genuinely nice guys out there, just like I'm sure there are genuinely good girls who aren't crazy out there as well...I just haven't found one yet.


I don't doubt that there are genuinely good guys out there – I've met a lot of them.

Usually they're dating the most drama-laden, high-maintenance girls around and wondering why their girlfriends are crazy.


Haha, it seems we have quite the conundrum. I certainly don't go for drama-laden, high-maintenance girls, though.



posted on Oct, 17 2008 @ 07:43 PM
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I think men suffer from the same ailment they accuse women of. They fall for the wrong women. Women with low self esteem will go for jerks. Women who are confident, independent do appreciate nice (boy do I hate that word!) guys but the key is to be genuine. Being too nice is creepy. Be genuine, Forthright (Forthright and not rude). Speak your mind and be yourself!

And HUMOR! It is the number one reason for women to fall for a man. He's gotta have humor. That is, not telling jokes but being quick witted and fun. Note: To be fun is more important than being romantic.



posted on Oct, 18 2008 @ 12:27 PM
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Originally posted by americandingbat


I don't doubt that there are genuinely good guys out there – I've met a lot of them.

Usually they're dating the most drama-laden, high-maintenance girls around and wondering why their girlfriends are crazy.


Exactly. Unrealistic expectations. I've met some really nice guys but they all seem to want some buxom, brain-dead bimbo who keeps the drama stirred up. My thoughts when I see that are: those guys are not what they seem to be. Nice guys usually endure those types of women forever; keep trying to be nice in dealing with them. Just makes them a victim. Nice girls don't fare any better.

That, and people lie to get what they think they want. If guys see some buxom, brain-dead bimbo drama queen who says she likes or wants a particular type of guy, the guy will ACT like that to get the girl. When the girl finds out she's been played, she dumps him. Guy wonders what went wrong.



posted on Oct, 18 2008 @ 01:10 PM
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Originally posted by SuperSlovak
Am I supposed to be rude and stare at her chest?


Hmmmm...that was a VERY odd comment. The mere fact you said it means you must have some "issues" in that regard.

Based on that one comment I would say women like nice guys that they think will be good in bed. If they think you have no sex drive, or you are incompetent, or you seem more like an asexual little brother they are going to move on.

If you manage to get them to go out with you to begin with then they must fine something attractive about you, but if you are dating them once or twice and they are "disappearing" then I am guessing you are not very engaging or you just really don't seem like you will be any fun.

Dating is not about "being nice". It is like an interview, and it is your job to convince them that they could have FUN with you. They aren't looking for a "polite" guy, they are looking for a well mannered guy that will be fun!

[edit on 18-10-2008 by Sonya610]



posted on Oct, 18 2008 @ 04:55 PM
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so basically guys, we are screwed, We have to keep a constant balance of emotions for women but we cant smother them or neglect them.
I have been in many relationships and i was always the one that bailed but for the last 15 years i have been married and she is loving one minute but cold and distant another day. Always her ideas, never mine. I cant figure you women out.



posted on Oct, 18 2008 @ 07:13 PM
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If girls dump nice guys then they're mean girls. Or sometimes the supposedly nice guys really aren't. Or finally, maybe they're just not a good match? One of those 3, for sure.



posted on Oct, 18 2008 @ 07:57 PM
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reply to post by SuperSlovak
 


Because there nice. I know that sounds like the obvious answer, but its true.

Nice = boring. Where do you think "Nice guys finish last" comes from? "


"Bitches" discussing men there intrested in ,and men who are intrested in them"


And you can bet the nicest one in the bunch, is not the one they want to F there brains out"


All women want, is for you to be yourself,be "fun",be great in bed,earn a liveing, give them a baby,talk to them before they go to sleep, ...."And when we wake up!".......

Oh' yea and dont leave crap around for them to pick up ......Thats major, ....it will relive your life of much hassle.


Lol @ Women "WHAT DO YOU MEAN GIVE ME A BABY!!"

"And he called us Bitches"

We love you ladys


PS im single?





[edit on 18-10-2008 by N.B.A.Y.S.O.H]



posted on Oct, 19 2008 @ 01:17 AM
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reply to post by Super Slovak
 


Most women I know or have known are not necessarily looking for a nice guy. They are looking for a man. Do you understand what that is Super Slovak??

Women ..no matter what they claim like a variety ..to look at and study. Some of them even a variety with which to play and occupy. Has it ever occurred to you that women are also "Hunter Gatherers" too?? Do not underestimate their ability to achieve their goals through tools/skills which are unknown or unperceptive to you. As I have stated several times in other posts. Just because a woman does not hunt and gather as does a man ...does not mean she is not doing so. They can hunt and gather by elimination just as efficient if not more so than do men.

What it is to which most women respond instinctively..is confidence in a man..not trying out with desperation. Women..most of them can.. spot a desperate man quickly ..an unconfident man...like radar in the dark..from miles away. The more desperate you appear or are sensed by them the more at variance they will be with your goals or intentions. It is instinctive with most of them. It appears you have problems grasping this concept. They will tend to shy away from a man who is so obviously "trying out." for their approval.
These same women can also spot a confident man ..miles away in the dark like radar.

A man who is trying out for their approval in desperation is one who can be used by them for various goals or things, if they so choose , but not one in which they will invest much of their time or intimacy. They sense that at some level these men will be to high maintenance for them. To needy.

Also Super Slovak..don't worry about being rude in staring at their chest. Women stare at a lot of things male. They are just more discrete at it than males but they stare nonetheless. They can also take in more informations about a male with a single scan or glance than can most males with women. Its a woman thing. In this subtilty they are light years ahead of most men.

Confidence Super Slovak means you know how to grow a pair between your legs..not the appearance of a pair..by trying out. Understand?? You have substance to you ..not show.

Oh..and being nice and trying out for approval often means the woman is in control..ie..you are not leading. Once again meaning no confidence. Lead...you know..like in dancing!!??

Silverflame gives good advice..don't give up.. but learn to refine your skills..particularly your thinking ability about the real nature of things out here among the wildlife. Yes ..don't be rude or uncivil...but learn to be confident in the skills you have and learn to develop new ones. No shortcuts here.

Slovak..this is a really dumb statement here from page 1 of this thread.


So women like guys who don't like them huh? Now I can see why some guys turn gay. How am I supposed to tell a girl I like her if she wants me not to like her?


It shows desperation and powerlessness...weakness...unconfidence. It shows frustration. Are you catching on yet?? This statement is also not leading.

AmericanDingbat has a valid point here...
Someone in another post called many of these types Trophy women. Not much of a trophy to me if they have all this baggage.


Why do men complain about what needy, nutso, irritating things women are and always go for the most clearly needy, nutso, self-absorbed women?


White Wave,
Must be something wrong with me. I am not into buxom brain dead types. Especially Buxom. I am a man of "modest tastes." Brain dead to me is just high maintenance. And drama queens..no thanks here either. I like a certain level of confidence and knowledge in a woman.

Hey..did I tell you that there is a shop down the street from me that makes Tee Shirts. I am thinking of getting one made that says...

" I'm a Victim..I'm a Victim"

Perhaps Super Slovak needs one as well. Maybe two or three.

LOL LOL..

On the serious side...something pleasant happened to me last week when opening the door for a woman coming out of a store. This woman looked at me with a big smile and said..Thank you..not many men do that for women anymore. I smiled back at her and said "Your Welcome Ma am and Thank You!!
It reminded me of what you stated sometime back in the "woman's survival " thread to the effect that not many men today exhibit the virtues of our fathers and grandfathers time towards women. I thanked you silently after this experience.

Thanks to all for thier posts,
Orangetom


[edit on 19-10-2008 by orangetom1999]



posted on Oct, 19 2008 @ 01:44 AM
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O.T. I think you've hit the nail on the head again. We can indeed smell the immaturity from a mile away.

My 19 year old daughter was whinning to me today about her 19 year old boyfriend. (man! I'm old!). Anyway, realizing that no matter what I said, even if I agreed with her, I'd be the bad guy, I volunteered: "he's a nice boy." She sighed and said, "I know. What's wrong with me?" I said, "nothing's wrong with you, honey, you just need a man, not a boy." She was totally shocked and said, "that's exactly it!"

Boys are fun and adorable and cute and loveable and entirely too much work and trouble for a relationship. Men may not have many of the "boys" traits but the traits they do have make them much more preferrable for a relationship.

Only "girls" want boys for a relationship. "Women" want MEN. Do you understand the difference?

If you are indeed a man and not a boy (not necessarily talking about chronological age here), then quit looking in the girls section for a serious companion. Best of luck in your quest.

O.T., my 10 year old son both embarassed, delighted and made me proud today when we went out to eat. We were about to go in at the same time as some guy was about to come out. He let the door swing closed and kept going. My son hollered, "hey! you're supposed to open the door for a lady!" and then he opened the door for me. The guy looked at this little kid scolding him then looked at me like I was responsible for it (I confess, I am) and I just shrugged and thanked my son for being a gentleman. Teehee.



posted on Oct, 19 2008 @ 03:25 PM
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Originally posted by whitewave
Boys are fun and adorable and cute and loveable and entirely too much work and trouble for a relationship. Men may not have many of the "boys" traits but the traits they do have make them much more preferrable for a relationship.

Only "girls" want boys for a relationship. "Women" want MEN. Do you understand the difference?


I'm not pointing fingers here because I don't know you or your daughter, but I find that a lot of the time, it's the girls who like to use that phrase "I need a man, not a boy." The girls that I commonly hear say that are insecure and need somebody to "take care of them." A man, in their eyes, is supposed to take care of them and not require any "taking care of" himself. He's supposed to be like the men in the movies: Always completely sure if himself, always knowing what to do next, always "the rock" in the relationship, but that's unrealistic. I mean, I could act like that all I want, but I wouldn't be being completely honest with myself or my girlfriend/wife. I'll say it - I consider myself a man among too many "boys" my age (21.) I'm disgusted with the way a lot of "men" are acting these days. I'm kind and considerate, confident and all of that other stuff, but I'm not perfect. I do have my own problems as well, and part of being in a relationship is that people can rely on each other when they need it (When they need it is the key here. Nobody likes a whiner.) In fact, I'm sure this is one of the things that made my last relationship fail. I was completely there for her when her life fell apart and she needed it, but when I was doubting myself and starting to feel lost in life, she was out the door, probably telling her parents and friends "he's a sweet kid, but I need a man." No, men are not perfect, and if they appear perfect, they're probably not being honest. We do go through tough times when we're not sure of ourselves, but if a woman can stick around long enough to see us emerge from these difficulties, she's in for a treat, because I can say for myself that I tend to emerge about 10x stronger than I was before. I think that's the case for most men, or really just for people in general.

Anyway, perhaps girls seek out men, and boys seek out women. That seems to make logical sense to me when I look at most relationships these days. Boy + Girl = no stability. Nothing gets done, one will probably cheat on the other. Man + Woman = Butting heads, a fight for control, the two wind up hating each other. Man + girl or boy + woman, one is kind enough to "take care" of the other, and it works out, but usually neither of them are happy. Kind of depressing, really, but it's what I frequently observe.



posted on Oct, 19 2008 @ 05:00 PM
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Originally posted by Herman
Anyway, perhaps girls seek out men, and boys seek out women. That seems to make logical sense to me when I look at most relationships these days. Boy + Girl = no stability. Nothing gets done, one will probably cheat on the other. Man + Woman = Butting heads, a fight for control, the two wind up hating each other.


Yeah, I think you are very correct there. I am sure it doesn't apply to everyone but as I got older I found I just could not get along with guys my own age because they were often too strong willed (clash). Once in a while it as okay, but they were generally guys that were in fact very boyish (in looks and with soft easy going temperaments) which is rare for guys in their 40's.



posted on Oct, 19 2008 @ 06:17 PM
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posted on Oct, 19 2008 @ 06:25 PM
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Seriously? Another nice guy thread?

I guess they're cyclical. :shk:

Is it really so hard to understand? Look, it all comes down to this....

Women want what they can't have.


Guys too, but women already understand this. Sometimes I wonder where the problem really lies. Are women really so hard to understand, or, are men just too dumb to get it?

The way I see it is, we're not so different from you laides. You're just more emotional, indecisive and intuitive. Is it rocket science?

Oh, and is there a problem with the other 50 "Nice guy/girls are weird" threads?

-Dev



posted on Oct, 19 2008 @ 09:54 PM
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Originally posted by Herman

Originally posted by whitewave

Only "girls" want boys for a relationship. "Women" want MEN. Do you understand the difference?

The girls that I commonly hear say that are insecure and need somebody to "take care of them." A man, in their eyes, is supposed to take care of them and not require any "taking care of" himself.


We must have different definitions for "MEN" then. As I have told my daughters (and sons): Men are allowed to be fallable, have and show emotions, be afraid, etc. Doesn't make then less manly.

Not speaking for all women here but in my books the difference between boys and men is honor. Boys either avoid difficult/painful situations or run away from them. Men will take a more honorable course. Women will too.

Either sex that expects the other to "take care of them" is immature and not worth even bothering with for relationship purposes.

Btw, I think your observation of matched pairs is spot on. I also find it depressing.



posted on Oct, 19 2008 @ 10:30 PM
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Originally posted by whitewave
We must have different definitions for "MEN" then. As I have told my daughters (and sons): Men are allowed to be fallable, have and show emotions, be afraid, etc. Doesn't make then less manly.


Ever wonder why more men hold positions of power? It's because we are stone cold. We're expected to make decisions, as leaders, in a logical and unemotional manner. This is classic body language assesment. You'll notice that women in power are very much like men.

You don't want your leader running around, letting everyone know that he's afraid of the what may come. You want your leader thinking clearly and logically in times of adversity.

-Dev





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