Choice Theory - Are you in control?

It isn't "New Age BS" at all.....Buddha expressed concepts very close to this...

"An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind."

I've used skills very close to this concept for years. I can choose to be hurt by rude, spiteful, angry people. Or I can ponder the hurt and my feelings and decide if it is in my best interests or not......inevitably it isn't and I can leave it go like a feather in the wind.

The trick is having the awareness to recognize and consider negative thoughts and emotions. My philosophy is that we have two instances of ourselves operating in our mind at any given time. It's actually quite entertaining to be aware of some of the bizarre thinking that goes on between the ears. There is a voice in many of us that says the rudest things to ourselves. Most often as expressions of self-loathing, pity, or doubt. Funny though, we wouldn't stay friends with someone who spoke to us that way.....yet we listen to our world-view and believe it. It becomes easier when you follow another piece of advice from Buddha....

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."

One of the keys is being awake and alert.....mindful of the breeze on your skin, the murmuring of the laptops fan as it works behind me.

Be alert!!!! The world needs more lerts!!!

Originally posted by MrPenny
It isn't "New Age BS" at all.....Buddha expressed concepts very close to this...

"An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind."

Hey, I LIKE that quote! Very, very true!

I've used skills very close to this concept for years. I can choose to be hurt by rude, spiteful, angry people. Or I can ponder the hurt and my feelings and decide if it is in my best interests or not......inevitably it isn't and I can leave it go like a feather in the wind.

Glad to hear you are yet another who grasps this simple (though it sure seems hard for some...) perspective of choice.

The trick is having the awareness to recognize and consider negative thoughts and emotions.

But once mastered, it is SOOOO valuable, eh?

My philosophy is that we have two instances of ourselves operating in our mind at any given time. It's actually quite entertaining to be aware of some of the bizarre thinking that goes on between the ears. There is a voice in many of us that says the rudest things to ourselves. Most often as expressions of self-loathing, pity, or doubt. Funny though, we wouldn't stay friends with someone who spoke to us that way.....yet we listen to our world-view and believe it. It becomes easier when you follow another piece of advice from Buddha....

I grasp the "two instances of ourselves operating in our mind at any given time," in that I have my reactionary self, and one who stands aside and evaluates my thoughts. But I have never had a voice in my head, thinking in images and feelings, and so neither of my selves speak to me per se. And they are usually showing me love and encouragement...

But I don't doubt others have experiences much as you describe.

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."

If we do not visit the past, how can we learn? If we do not look to the future, how can we hope? Surely, both these, in moderation and rationality, can do us good. As long as we do not bind the now to either, and spend most of our time here (now), the past and future have their uses.

My perspective, at any rate. [smile]

One of the keys is being awake and alert.....mindful of the breeze on your skin, the murmuring of the laptops fan as it works behind me.

Be alert!!!! The world needs more lerts!!!

Another of my favorite quotes: Be a lert... [grin]

Thank you for your input!

Originally posted by Amaterasu
I have my reactionary self, and one who stands aside and evaluates my thoughts.

I may not have written it that way, but that's exactly the concept I was trying to relate. I can't tell you the number of times I've focused my awareness on what is happening in my mind, and taken a mental "step back", to evaluate and judge exactly what I'm saying to myself. Often, I discover I may be trying to fool myself.

If we do not visit the past, how can we learn? If we do not look to the future, how can we hope?

The philosophy doesn't remove the learning, nor the hope. What it emphasizes it what we can actually affect and change; and that is what we experience as "right now." I cannot, with even the most herculean effort, directly change what has occurred in the past; so I learn from it, yet let go of regret or "second guesses". Hindsight is "20-20", yet it's also pointless.

I can hope for a bright future, I can even dream of it; but ultimately, the only way I can affect the future, is through my actions right now.

I just had a discussion with my wife....who has a daughter very ill with bulimia nervosa. There is simply no more money to continue her treatment beyond a point in the near future, and it's causing her great anxiety. I tried to get her to consider the pointlessness of worrying about things you cannot do....and focus on positive things you can do. But, that kind of awareness and focus comes over time.....it takes practice. I think she'll get there.....both my wife and her daughter.

reply to post by MrPenny


Ah, I see your points. Yes, awareness of past and present is not the same as doing one's work/exhibiting one's behavior.

Thanks for clarifying that for me.

great post and I agree as well.

I live by this and it makes life soooo much easier. It is actually a topic covered in the cognitive therapy classes I took a while ago to help with my anxiety/panic/agoraphobia and it spans all areas of my life.

I have tried to pass the idea along to my daughter...however as someone mentioned, there is the matter of societal conditioning and peoples belief structures that can often prevent them from taking full responsibility for how and what "THEY feel.

It's all a learning curve I guess.

I agree with BH too...my BF and I never use the dreaded terms "you make me feel" or even "that makes/made me feel".

Over a year together, never scrap though we do disagree, and if our feelings are hurt by actions we take responsibility.

Makes for very easy and open communication knowing the other isn't going to stew about things that are said in jest or in seriousness.

it's not easy making the choice(s) it does take practice, but like any skill it can be learned and perfected.

In a world full of blame I think a lot of social issues could be immediately rectified if people would simply take responsibility for how they choose to allow "things" to affect them.

reply to post by justgeneric


Thank you for your input. I appreciate knowing that so many have grasped and put to use these principles.

As for teaching it to others, I am certain that if children were brought us with this understanding, the affects on the world at large would be great. Teaching it to others whose minds are not geared to take responsibility, because they are instructed to place blame, is indeed a difficult thing.

I think of my move from totally denying the idea that I had control to the realization that I do, and that that actually empowers me, I can relate to others in the desire to deny culpability on any level. And that is what one fights in trying to teach others - that "It's not MY fault!!!" indoctrination.