posted on Sep, 29 2008 @ 01:55 PM
Im 21, gay, college student, work full time, no kids, a dog, honest guy, trustworthy, responsible, caring, compassionate, etc. I drink sometimes, not
excessively though, but I dont go out because of the drama and the pettiness that comes with the package deal of gay bars.
Ive never had a relationship, ever. Every guy I have ever gone on a date with Ive never talked to again. Nothing awkward happened during the date, I
didnt say anything that would push him away, so it confuses me as to why it continues to happen.
I went on a date with a guy last week. We met, had lunch, talked, had a great time. We talked again before we left the restaurant near his car, he
said he would call me later. You can imagine he didnt. So, I gave it a few days and gave him a call, no answer. Three more days and I text him,
nothing. I gave up on him and my mind tells me to give up on relationships and accept what I already know to be true, but my heart would let it go.
I dont give much credit to psychics and other forms of the supernatural, but there have been some Ive been to who have been so straightforward and
on-point with what they have told me. No matter what psychic Ive went to in the past, Ive been told that I would never be in love, I would never find
someone to be with, and I would always been unhappy. I was never offered a "cure" for $500, I was immediately told to leave after seeing their eyes
and their reaction to me. Of course, being younger, I brushed all this off, but being 21, about to be 22, and never even experiencing a successful
date, a relationship, or even a semi-relationship, its all starting to fall into place.
Ive asked my friends why Im not in a relationships, they ask me constantly, but it seems Im invisible to the homosexual world. Its depressing, Ive
spent many nights crying about it, wondering what did I do wrong, what am I doing wrong. Its funny though, in a way, because when I was younger I
always joked saying I would be the 20 yr old virgin. Well, Im 21, still a virgin, and of course, never been kissed.
Ive come up with a few theories. I live in Louisiana, and like most places, everything here is based on color. I have a tan, not a deep deep one, but
not a light one. Natural skin color because of my racial background....white, black, hispanic, native american...my grandmother said theres some
german and french in there too. So, when people see me, like you will when you get to the bottom, they have a hard time figuring it all out. Ive
learned that people arent comfortable if they cant place you or categorize you in a racial category, and I think my skin color and hair only throws
them off even more. For the first time lastnight, I wished I my skn was lighter. I have a bit of extra weight on me that going away pretty rapidly (20
lbs in the past two months, work out 5x a week, personal trainer, dietician, etc) but I dont think thats it. Honestly, I dont think either one of them
are the reason why since I can still get dates, but...Ive confused myself, thats great. I think you get what I mean.
So, I turn to you guys. Im lost as to why Im not in a relationship, or why I havent recieved any form of affection from guys. My hygeine routine is
crazy so I know I dont stink. I take better care of my skin than I do my car and my dog (that might be a little problem). Im a nice guy, would do
anything for anyone, just lonely. Low self-esteem and personally I dont think Im attractive at all. I dont expect a guy to fall into my lap, but I
dont know what else to do. Some of you are thinking youre too young to be focusing on a relationship. I cant help if thats what I feel that my heart
is searching for and Im not going to deny it that.
Ive put my myspace link below, theres some pics on there along with everything else you didnt wanna know about me. Maybe you guys can give me some
[edit on 29-9-2008 by Corvaal]