Killing Ends a Lifetime of Spouse Abuse

Killing Ends a Lifetime of Spouse Abuse

www.miamiherald.com

Bullied and threatened for years to the point of near-suicide, Cassandra Johnson pulled a gun and shot her estranged husband in the head at a Liberty City strip mall in 1993.She escaped a murder charge.

For the next 16 years, she rebuilt her life, undergoing intense counseling, cleaning condos for work and doting over two-dozen grandchildren -- until her next husband killed her, police say.

Randy Lipkins, father of her first child, stabbed her 22 times and pummeled her face with a hammer earlier this month, Miami-Dade police say. Lipkins surrendered to police Sept. 12 -- only after leaving her body to rot in his apartment for four days.

(visit the link for the full news article)



[edit on 29-9-2008 by DimensionalDetective]

Wow.

This gal kills her first abusive spouse, then dies at the hands of another...

I will leave the psychoanalysis to the psychologists here on board, but this appears to be one of those cases where someone tends to lean towards certain personality types over and over, and in this case it seemed to be concurrent with a lifetime of pure chaos and abuse, culminating in a violent demise. I'm sure more often than not, that is culminated and incubated with a childhood of abuse as well.

Truly sad story. Some folks just seem to get cut no breaks in life. Hopefully she's at peace now, and this guy gets put away for life.

Sigh.

www.miamiherald.com
(visit the link for the full news article)

[edit on 29-9-2008 by DimensionalDetective]

Originally posted by xbranscombex
Bitch is crazy..

How can you argue?
2 people hated her.

Thats probably one of the most ignorant statements I've seen on ATS.

Blame the Victim, what a piece of work you are.

The husband should be executed by a firing squad.

reply to post by xbranscombex



Life is so brief

Even though you sound to be around eleven years of age, your life will pass swiftly too

You have every reason to expect that if you make it through to old age (not that far away, you'll see) you'll be tended by female nurses in the days before your death. They'll most likely have to insert a catheter into your useless, shrivelled penis so that you can dribble safely rather than lying in a pool of your own waste. They'll have to insert drips into your wasted old arms so you won't dehydrate. They'll have to swap your toothless old mouth when it becomes parched and furry. And they'll detach you from all the tubes and life support when you've died.

Maybe those nurses will be the only people who bother to acknowledge you or show you any kindness, just before you take that unaided leap into the dark unknown.

So why not start right now to tame that foul misogyny that drips from you, so that when you're totally reliant on the goodwill of women, you won't unleash that ugly mouth and force them to leave you lying in your just deserts ?

People who tend to be abusive come off at the beginning as the greatest person you ever meet.

So people tend to date serial abusers because they look for a nice guy, think they find one and then they turn into an abuser.

This woman must have a codependent personality that attracts these types.

it is a really hard thing to figure out.

poor woman.

reply to post by DimensionalDetective


A very sad story indeed !

I was in a physically and psychologically abusive relationship myself for a very long time (21yrs). I am by nature a very gentle person and will avoid all forms of confrontation whenever possible, so violence was a totally alien concept to me prior to my marriage.

And anyone who has never been in such a situation will be thinking 'why the hell didn't you just walk away' ?

But those who have been or still are in this situation will know that the answer is a simple one ... 'pure fear' !

And please don't mistake 'pure fear' for the same thing as being 'frightened' ... 'pure fear' is something that resonates at the deepest core of your being and reacts on every cell of your body.

Abuser's all seem to follow a similar and very subtle pattern which begins with isolating you as much as possible from friends and family. They are always controlling and in the majority of cases they can go from being affectionate to violent in the blink of a black-eye.

Over time they chip away at your self-esteem and confidence ... so that you genuinely start to believe you are responsible for making them angry because you are so damn stupid.

Once you've reached this stage you are pretty much in their grip ... but it is so subtle that you haven't even noticed it's happened.

And of course still being the intelligent person that you are deep down, you know that you shouldn't be allowing this to happen ... so you are more often than not, far too embarrassed and ashamed to tell anyone about the things that are going on behind closed doors ... so you keep it to yourself ... and try to carry-on like everything is normal.

After a while you even begin to believe that it is normal !

The thing is, abuser's - whilst being totally ignorant excuses for human beings - are very clever people with a great talent for manipulation and that is what makes them dangerous !

Another thing that you will notice in the abuser's behaviour pattern, is how sorry they are after their outburst ... and this is often genuine remorse in most cases ... unfortunately it rarely stops them from repeating their actions again and again and again.

Quite often the degree/frequency of violence rained upon you will increase over time (as was true in my case).

And as my ex-husbands violent tendencies began to escalate I found myself frequently giving serious thought to ways in which I could kill him (that would look like natural causes), because I could see no other way out. And I'd already spent a lifetime in the prison that was our relationship, so I had no intention of going to prison for killing the monster who had not only turned me into a timid, cringing shadow of the person I'd once been but also a 'would-be' murderess.


VERY IMPORTANT NOTE;

THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO GO ... MAINTAIN YOUR DIGNITY AND NEVER LET DESPERATION DICTATE YOUR ACTIONS ... YOU REALLY ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT !


It scares the hell out of me now, to think I had reached such a desperate state (in fact it made me shiver just writing about it). That person that I'd become bears no semblence to the person I really am now or indeed was before !

I have only told a handful of people about these dark thoughts prior to writing this (for obvious reasons).
But after reading the OP I felt it was time to speak out ... because there are thousands of women ... and men out there, who are being treated in the most appalling ways by the people that should cherish them ... and that is not how one human being should be treated by another.

After all those years of taking whatever my ex-husband dished out, I was convinced that's how it would always be (and it probably would have been).

But things changed dramatically when he assaulted our teenage son with a double-barrelled shotgun. That was the click of the fingers that broke the spell ... because whilst I had become complacent to his treatment of me ... I could not stand by and allow him to be violent towards my children. The strength of a mother in the pursuit of protecting her cubs is indeed a mighty force that makes 'pure fear' evaporate in a heartbeat.

And I have always been puzzled to hear about women / men who have experienced this ... and find the strength to break free ... only to end up in another abusive relationships ???? Personally if I was in a relationship and there was the slightest hint of aggresion ... I would be running for the hills and as far away as I could possibly get. Because I would never, ever allow myself to be treated in such a way again ... I already wasted too much of this lifetime in hell !!!

But to end on a positive note ... I feel I am a much, much stronger person for the experience ... which proves even the most negative experiences can have positive repercussions somewhere down the line.

You get out anyway you can and enjoy the most amazing sense of liberation you are ever likely to have ... take a deep breath and come back to life !!!

Appologies for the long post, but if my story is of any comfort to others who are experiencing something similar ... or it gives them the initiative to change there life and get out ... my rambling words will have not be a waste.

And if anyone needs to chat about their own situation feel free to u2u me.

Woody

(edit to add); Hi Dock6 long time no type ... an excellent reply to someone without common decency.

[edit on 29-9-2008 by woodwytch]

When are people going to quit making excuses for women who CHOSE to mate with abusive men? THEY LIKE THE DRAMA THAT GOES WITH THE ABUSE.

I've seen many, many young men (friends of my nephews) who work hard, don't get into trouble, and avoid drugs, be passed over by young women for guys into drugs, starting trouble, and who were abusive.

I have ZERO pity for "abused" women. I would be willing to bet my life that more than one man told each of these women that the guy they were dating/sexing were trouble, and they chose to ignore it.

Guess what "ladies"? Real life actions have real life consequences. Don't want to get "abused"? Then don't date abusive men!

Originally posted by nixie_nox
People who tend to be abusive come off at the beginning as the greatest person you ever meet.

So people tend to date serial abusers because they look for a nice guy, think they find one and then they turn into an abuser.

This woman must have a codependent personality that attracts these types.

it is a really hard thing to figure out.

poor woman.

Yes, this all sounds like a legitimate concern. Until you've walked in the shoes of being the ACTUAL nice guy. When you see women walking away from men you KNOW to be "nice guys", only to go to abusive men.

I've seen it probably a hundred times over the course of my life, so this is NOT just a fluke. I have never, however, seen a woman be abused ONCE, and then turn to "nice guys". No, she usually has to have trips over and over to the Dr's Office and Emergency rooms before she goes "Hey, maybe thug-(expletive deleted) isn't such a good idea!".

I have no sympathy, NONE, for women who date abusive men. Like a dog, they return to their vomit time and time again.

I tend to disagree. I have seen many abusive relationships (not me, but before me) and fail to think only one person can be blamed for them. And I also believe that the abused are relativly weaker people latching on to a stronger person. This in turn "drags" the stronger person down by the weaker person's unwillingness to change or leave.

So who is at fault? i say both.

but on that same note, my wife and I practive jiu jitsu... to at least try to keep the playing field even

**Mode Note: Please Keep on Topic**

Let's keep the comments clean, this is a hot-button issue.

Discuss the issues, no lurid comments. Thanks and Happy Posting!

Badge01
Forum Moderator

Women who are abused are often made to think that they are unworthy, lowly. Members of society confirm this by telling them that it's their own fault for getting into such a relationship in the first place. Why leave the man that's beating you if he's the only man you'll ever deserve?

That is so terrible what happened to Cassandra. She retaliated against her first man, and by all appearances seemed to have escaped the cycle of abuse. No doubt she entered that later marriage thinking, “Now this one will be different.” It seems, however, that he was worse.

Was she innately attracted to just the sort of men that would beat her? Maybe. Maybe not. It doesn't stop this from being a tragedy.

I think this shows that the emotional scars we bear in childhood permanently alter our self image.

Her childhood was difficult. Her father was absent..... Cassandra felt she was picked on by other kids.

As an adult, she clung to bad men

With low self esteem, i think these 2 males( cannot bring myself to call them MEN ) she married easily preyed on her vulnerability and their ability to control her.
She seemed to be doing so well for a while there too.. turning her life around and going to counseling... but i suppose that scars can be ripped open at any time and we revert back to old habits and ways.

Makes me wonder if she was in counseling long enough.. or opened up to her counselor honestly. It is so easy to sit and second guess someone's life choices. All i know is this poor soul lost her life tragically after a very rough existence. I pray for her kids and grandkids.


Mod Note: External Source Tags – Please Review This Link.


[edit on 29-9-2008 by Jbird]

reply to post by woodwytch


You spoke every word that I would have. Like reading the last twenty years of my life.
I had the same feelings, the same thoughts..and I'm not ashamed to say that I still do.
Would he happen to fall off the face of the planet right now..I would not shed a tear.

reply to post by woodwytch


I have seen too many people I care about in relationships that teeter on the ragged edge of abuse. I have tried to warn a few of them, but have sense stopped doing so because coming from a male, it means nothing. The excuses I have heard are insane as to why they validate the guys verbal, threatening and sometimes physical abuse.

I am proud of you for standing up for your son, getting out of your longterm prison and making good on your life. As well, sharing your true story is inspiring and it should be cast as a success manual for others in that situation. All too often, they never see it coming and by the time it arrives, it's too late.

In response to the OT, I feel saddened by what happened to this women. She fought her way out (very literally) only to end up facing the ultimate fate. Her choice? Maybe. Her fault? No.
He should suffer and then die for his crimes. Perhaps hose him down with honey and lock him in a cage with a horny male gorrilla for a day. Sounds fair to me.

Hey there 'AD',

Unfortunately it's an all too common story. One tip I would offer you ... never allow yourself to expend good energy hating the guy (hate is an emotion that is remarkabley close to love). I refuse to say I hate my 'ex' but I do 'despise' him.

And I have to agree ... if the person I was married to were to drop off the planet tomorrow I would shed no tears ... and the world would be a lighter place for his absence.

Woody

reply to post by wheresthetruth


Hey there and thank-you,

A warning from anyone (male or female) to someone in an abusive relationship would probably be met with the same reception.

Your head is in a very strange place when you're in such a relationship ... chances are if someone were to speak ill of the abuser - the abusee would leap to their defence. Crazy I know, because inside you know all too well those offering the warning speak the truth ... and the voice inside your head is screaming out for help !

There was never any question about me standing up for my son ... I would die for my children before I'd let anyone hurt them.

It's been a long time now since I left and I sometimes look back and think 'what the hell was I thinking' ? And I have no answer. I'm an intelligent woman for pity's sake.

But hey ! Whilst it's all a distant memory for me now we must remember the poor souls still in the midst of it.

Woody

reply to post by sir_chancealot


Not all abused women are dating abusers. Some of them met their abusers when they were young and not knowing they will become abusers got married.

reply to post by DimensionalDetective


DD can you please check your link? I'd like to read the full article but it is not working for me and the site says it was either deleted or not linked correctly.

Like others in the thread, I am surprised she would endure so much abuse in her first relationship but then end up in another. However, after re-reading the article snippets in your OP, it mentions she is a grandmother of twelve but the father of her first child is the one who murdered her. That had to have been an older relationship she returned to.

I'd like to read more so a working link would be nice.

Edit: Ah, I see this was posted in September. Doh! Thought it was from today. Ok, it was most likely an expired article then. I guess an anonymous poster bumped it because it is on the list of recent posts at the top. Very sad story.

[edit on 11/29/2008 by AshleyD]