posted on Sep, 29 2008 @ 07:13 AM
I don't know if this is the right forum so feel free to move it if it's not.
I have reached a breaking point, and feel like my life is spiraling out of control. I wanted to write about my experience in these so called
So basically the last month i've been doing group therapy with a bunch of gay guys at a local Catholic Church, to be honest I looked forward to this
and was excited about the fact that I could be 'changed'. But i'm going to give everyone a little bit about how I ended up in this posistion.
So about 3 years ago when I was 16 I told my mom and dad I was bi. Hardest decision ever, but I had to do it because I couldn't keep living a lie, I
knew whatever happened it wouldn't be good. I live in Alabama, possibly the most conservative state in the United States. My parents have been
religious all my life but never really forced it on me untill now.
So back to me being 'bi'. At that time I knew I wasn't really bi, I knew i was gay, just didn't want to let them know that I was completely gay
because I wanted my mom to have a little hope for having grandkids and it would have really let her down when she was already pretty down.
So fast-forward 3 years, I had to drop out of school a year after I told them because I wasn't welcomed back to school with open arms after I
'came-out' (I live in a really small town where everyone knows everyone), basically my mom told my grandma and it traveled through the grape vine.
It got pretty bad, I got bashed and all kinds of drama happened.
Anyways my parents supported me and comforted me and we all moved on, everything got alot better. But I couldnt' keep lieing to them, I would meet a
girl every once and awhile who would help me perpetuate the lie of me bi to my parents and then the guilt settled in and I came clean. That's when I
found out how much my parents really cared about me, they put me in therapy to 'turn' me straight.
Now onto that part, it was so emotionally draining, it was like boot camp. I was forced to look at pics of males nude and if their was any sign or
arousal I was slapped in the face thrice with a ruler, and and one point in time had a switch taken to my legs. The only reason why I tolerated was
fear of being shunned by everyone I knew and plus I fell in love while I was their, that never worked out because he was scared and his parents were
abusive because he was 'the work of satan'. I've had people yelling and spitting in my face asking me why I made this choice why did I do it?
I just asked them "why would I choose to put myself through this"? I could have either lived a lie or been happy. Their were some people who this
technique may have worked on but I fear it's because they wanted acceptance and they were willing to live a lie, that's my opinion and i'm not
stating it as a fact.
I have a feeling people are going to be hearing alot more of these stories, I heard from the people their that alot of churches around Alabama are
going to start this kind of therapy, and it worries me and just pushes me further from everything religous, what kind of loving religion would want
you to live a lie? lie to yourself and everyone around you?
I know this isn't the most important issue at the moment with all that's going on with world affairs but it should be talked about.