posted on Sep, 28 2008 @ 02:38 PM
This is not meant to be a pity party. This is primarily for those people who are going through soething similiar. If you cannot be civil to those
who are in the same prdictament, then do not bother posting a reply.
I am going to recite my history so others will not feel embarassed by what they are going through. Maybe by hearing and discussing these issues we
can help each other.
When I was twenty I was disciplined and cocky and arrogant. I had a great, sarcastic sense of humor. I had a great job doing what I loved, serving
the country that my family has served for generations. It was all I knew and all I ever wanted to do. I believed in sacrifice. Now, going on
forty-one I am tired of just existing. I am bitter, angry, and while not exactly lonely, I find myself alone.
20 years later I am still uncertain what exactly happened, and to a large degree I am uncertain of where I am going. I do not blame the Army for
what happened, I just blame some people for what happened.
Suffering a head injury can have many long and lasting results. I had my first operation in August of 1988. The frontal bone in my skull had been
fractured but never treated. During this procedure it was found that the bone seperating the sinus from the brain had become infected and eroded,
leaving me susceptable to meningitis. I had my second operation on my 21st birthday. I woke up from that operation with part of my nose and the brow
ridge over my left eye removed. I had 2 more surgeries to repair the missing bone in the next year. I was only 22, I was invincible so I sucked it
up and moved on. Even though I could not wear a helmet anymore I was honorably discharged from the military. My life was now my own.
In 1990 I started college. In 1990 I had to withdrawel from college to have 2 more operations. It was around this time that I started having
problems concentrating. I also started to notice a dull pain over my left eye. Things started looking up around this time. I was still getting
headaches but I went back to school and was working.
In 1993 while at the V.A. in Nashville, it was determined that I needed another surgery. I rushed through my finals and was admitted to the hospital
on December 17. Well, that surgery was cancelled due to a "lack of information". Since it was too late to enroll for the spring semester I went to
work. In June of 1994 I became ill to the point that I could not do anything. It was at this time I was diagnosed with osteomyelitis in my head. In
August of 1994 I had another operation. When I woke up from this one I had a tube implanted in my chest. For 4 months I had to sit for 3 hours a day
hooked up to an I.V. bag.
In 1995 things were agian looking up. I recieved a scholarship to a great school in a great city. I was 27 and it was like I was starting a new
life. I still had bad headaches but I dealt with it. I had no choice. I also apparently had no luck. In 1996 I had to have another operation and
spent 18 days in the hospital. I did not have to withdrawel this time but took an incomplete status for the next semester. I did lose my scholarship
but by then had become a student that professors respected.
I questioned them, I argued with them, and I tested them just as they tested me, I was finally my old self again. In spring of 1997 I had to undergo
another procedure. This was relatively minor so it had no real impact. Finally in December 1997 I graduated with a BFA. It took 7 years but I
It was around this time I started to become irritable and angry. I did not notice this but other people did. I started to lash out at others for no
real reason. Of course I could find a reason even if there were none. I recieved my first job in my chosen field and had that for a whole two weeks
before I was fired. My next job was the Computer services coordinator at the local Kinkos. It was not exactly Graphic Design but it was a good job.
After a month I was demoted for argueing with my manager over something stupid. She was an understanding person and did not fire me completely.
In 1998 I was told again that I had another infection that had got out of hand and needed surgery. This was scheduled and cancelled 3 times over a
month and a half period. I met the doctor that day (VA). I was so unimpressed with this person I was asking the surgical staff if they would let him
operate on them or their family. They of course all said yes and I went through with it. That was my greatest mistake. When I recieved the surgical
report I could not believe what I was reading. This incompetent doctor did not remove the plates that were holding the frontal bone in place, but cut
through them and never reattached the bone.
In 2000 I got a job offer in Colorado and moved there immediately. Another city and another adventure. Later that year I had another minor procedure.
At this time I was going through hell. The pain was only somewhat bearable at this point and made things very difficult. In 2002 I had a doctor
that I respected and admired, but had to have another major operation. He did what he could but could not undo the damage done by the idiot before
Later in 2002 I had to move back home. Since then I have had to be on constant pain medication, sometimes up to 21 pills a day. I have not been in a
major relationship in years, cannot find any job due to drug screening and the inevitable medical questions. I am constantly in agony, I am
constantly going off on people. The VA tried to get me to go to counseling for depression but the only thing that happened is I called the shrink a
lazy S.O.B for just wanting to put me on antidepressants.
I have no intention of ending it all. I am not a quitter. My parents raised me better than that. I am not, however, laughing anymore.
[edit on 28-9-2008 by capgrup]