reply to post by orange-light
You write very well in English. I think you maybe should not use adjectives, it is a sign of weakness. For example:
It is better to find another way to describe a noun, than with an adjective because then you will have to describe a process. For example:
The moonlight was silver in color. ... this makes a thought and a contribution.
The kitchen was lit poorly. ... this is more descriptive and concrete than diffusely-lighted, which is technical.
The joke made me feel horrible. ...this is about feeling. Because a joke in itself can not feel good or bad or funny or horrible. The person does the
feeling. That's the trap of using adjectives ... lack of clarity and precision.
Throw away the word, 'alas', it is never used in American or English, anymore. They used that world 100 years ago or 200 years ago or 300 years ago
or 500 years ago. It is a word used by translators or lazy writers. Instead, say, for example:
I was disappointed.
It was no use.
It was hopeless.
I didn't give a s***!
But ... don't use that word ever again. Okay? Not in fiction. Not in non-fiction. Not ever, again.
Your story has no ending ... you just gave up and ended it. For a story to be dramatic and end dramatically, it must be built in a certain way, so
that the ending dramatically is foretold by the beginning. That is called, 'irony'. AND the ending must be the result of characterization BECAUSE
conflict is caused by characters in opposition to one another. The whole story is built on the person's character which creates their conflict. That
is why the ending by result in the transformation of character.
For example, you could have said:
Linda woke up. "I know that wasn't a dream," she said. 'But, what was it?' Then she heard the scratching again. THE STORY is about a CONFLICT
between Linda and the scratching. Therefore, the ending must be who wins, Linda ...or the scratching.
Linda woke up. ...BUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT, how does she kill the scratching or how does the scratching defeat her ...AND WHAT DOES SHE LEARN FROM IT?
Character development ... read Lalos Egri, The Art of Dramatic Writing and it is very easy to understand and you will be a good writer. You can write
in any language, but you must always think
Irony is when it happens just how you thought it would, but in a different way that you thought it would that is amusing in some way, amusing because
it is funny, or amusing because it is painful.
But, you must never end in a pedestrian (dumb, i.e. 'unfeeling') way that makes no sense. If it wasn't for the last line of your story, which makes
no sense, I would have given you a star because of the immediacy of your vision.
But, it's not your fault so don't feel bad, you didn't know. Here is a book for you to read about how to make a dramatic character with a dramatic
ending that is powerful, or at least meaningful.
The book was used in the Writer's & Actor's Workshop in New York for many years, by Lalos Egri, called:
The Art of Dramatic Writing.
I will give you an example. A story is about a conflict. And the conflict exists because of the character and ends because of the character's
Conflict - resolution. Your story has conflict. But, it has no resolution of the conflict. It has no ending.
You can say, Linda woke up from a dream.
But, do not stop the story, there. She must defeat her enemy, which is the scratching. Or, the scratching must defeat her. Being asleep has nothing to
do with the scratching. And waking up had nothing to do with the scratching.
It is like a fight. One person wins. One person loses.
You can not cop out, or quit, or take the easy way out. Now, throw away the last line, and finish your story. If you don't know how to do it, then
read the book I suggest to you, okay?
by Lalos Egri, called: The Art of Dramatic Writing.
[edit on 21-10-2008 by counterterrorist]