reply to post by GordonJQ
If ‘I’ were president, here’s what I’d do -
I would call on the most devout men and women from every faith, from all walks of life to join me for a private, seven day prayer vigil at the white
house. We would pray to god in a sincere manner for his immediate return, or for his quick assistance with the insurmountable troubles facing the
world. If god failed to respond within a specified time, I would close our borders, halt all air travel and begin working with military elite on
creating the most advanced “alien’ looking spacecraft known to man.
Simultaneously, I would legalize an industrial grade psychedelic drug, and require its use amongst all Americans. I would cancel all news broadcast
for months, and replace normal TV programming on every station with the same programs every day. In the mornings: ‘Rocky and Bullwinkle’ in the
afternoons: old episodes of Scooby-Doo (without Scrappy), and in the evenings: the Beatles film ‘The Magical Mystery Tour.’ And every time
someone might try to connect to the internet their computer would either direct them to an image of a smiling ‘Gary Busey,’ or to the music video
‘China girl’ by David Bowie. By this time all Americans, and the entire world, would be getting seriously freaked-out.
People would begin to riot (this is when I would unveil the massive spaceship.) From coast to coast all eyes would see it. In an instant, it would be
able to incinerate the side of a mountain, or thousands of square miles of land.
At the helm of this monstrous craft would be the ugliest, the most frightening looking muppet ever created. The giant ship would hover over every city
and proclaim in a thunderous voice “You fools, you were given every chance to love one another, to help one another, to share with one another, but
you refused, and now you must pay the ultimate consequence!” When people try to shoot my muppet creation, fire will come out of its muppet mouth
and burn them. Periodically, the close-up image of the muppets face will interrupt television programming. It will never say anything, but will slowly
turn its head and give a sinister scowl deadpan into the camera, then fade out. Eventually everyone will be gripped with fear and fall to their knees
in tearful regret. They will say, “who is like the muppet god? Who can fight against him?”
As president, I will establish direct communications with the muppet god. I will tell American’s that the muppet god has demanded an end to all
country western music, unless it comes from the soundtrack of ‘Every which way but loose’ or ’Any which way you can,’ and that our artists,
musicians and performers must recreate the year 1976, as it will symbolize freedom and rebirth, and from now on we must live as a egalitarian society,
one devoted to helping our fellow citizens, protecting our environment, reducing our global population, learning good manners, sharing our resources,
and rewarding art by individuals, not corporations. The muppet god will personally inform Angelina Jolie that she must be my first lady, and that she
will no longer be a UN goodwill ambassador, but will once again take-up knife play and explicit sexual behavior, spending hours at a time beating me
up in the oval office, like she did in ‘Meet the Smiths’ to co-star / boyfriend, Brad Pitt. And maybe In the interim, I’ll try and broker a
middle-east peace plan and develop a smug British accent.
Because of my presidency, America will once again experience a rebirth in patriotism, in a true democracy and in art. Grandfather’s will hold their
grandchildren on their knee and say “I remember a dark time in our history when the terrible ‘muppet god’ came to reap vengeance on mankind,
but we have learned, we will live differently now, and you must too, or he will surely return to find you.”
Anyway, that’s what I’d do. . . no dumber than the McCain’s plan, and after two years of Obama you just might want to try it.
[edit on 25-9-2008 by sexysadie]