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Best ways to take over the world...

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posted on Sep, 22 2008 @ 12:41 AM
As a someone new to the World Overlord/President-for-Life business,
I have some pertinent questions as to how I should proceed
with my current plans for world domination and some of the
things I need to be aware of as Ruler of Earth:

1) A Name: I need a powerful name that invokes both R*E*S*P*E*C*T
and fear yet still allows my subjects to at least go about their daily
business without cowering too much. I have found it rather difficult to
balance my desire to invoke terror at it's mere utterance yet be
not too grandiose or overly suggestive.

A few name I personally have gravitated towards include:

Dr. Doomitosis
Dire Bents
Ten Ton Tyre
I Rule

and others of that ilk....

My Empress-in-waiting has suggested Phat Knutts, but I found that
rather too reflective of my personal life and as a Tyrant-to-Be
I wish to keep my all-business image separate from my personal life.

Thus I am at a loss as to what name I should use that would reflect
my newly-consolidated political powers. I welcome suggestions from
ATS members and the submitter of the best one will suffer
much less than those who didn't!

2) Mechanisms of Power Consolidation and Retention:

I have found it perplexing, to say the least!, as to what means
and methods to best invoke that will allow me to keep as much
of the current economic system as intact as possible so that I
may unceremoniously enrich myself at the public's expense
AND strike all down those oppose me (or at the very least keep
them from ruining my morning tea!)

What positions of power are most important to have on my side
(other than the obvious Military)?

Does a Carpe Diem type of Emperor like me simply crucify all
the International Bankers, The Illuminati, The Bilderbergers,
The Trilateral Commission, The Nephilim, The Watchers,
The Reptoids, The Greys, etc., etc. ... or should I simply
bring them into the fold?

How does one contact beforehand each of the above parties
so that I may conspire and indulge in all manner of skulduggery
whilst still keeping my skivvies covering me privates?

If I DO keep the Trilateral Commission as adjuncts to my nefarious plans,
Should I change the name to The Quadralateral Commission or should
I change it to the Tetralateral Commission? Which do I choose or
do you peasants have other suggestions?

3) Publicity for my plans of World Domination:

Again, I am very new to the World Dictator seat of power, so I am
definitely open to fellow aspirants who might have useful advice to
give. I do admit I lack a suitable nuclear offense, and I must also
confess that I lack some initial adherents/evangelists of my doctrines
which are currently limited to my dog and my pet beetle BUT I am fully
confident of my abilities to brainwash the vast left & right wing masses.

I have found a noticable dearth of publications in the
How-to-Rule-Ruthlessly department of the local public library and
Amazon has also been abhorrently and shamefully LACKING
in the How-to-Instill-Fear-in-The-UnWashed-Masses department!

How does one gather publicity for my war machine?

What sycophants should I force into my employ?

Which types of personnel do I need to ensure that my aims of
graft and wanton corruption should continue unabated
from those of today?

Which methods should I employ to coerce imprisoned personnel
into pledging me their lives or at least allow me to gather all the
intelligence I may need to further my glorious aims of
absolute dictatorship?

Are there any new and unique methods of interrogation
that I should be aware of? Instead of wasting precious water
in arid lands, could I not use non-virgin olive oil-boarding as
a viable information gathering technique? Since oil is lighter
than water, is there a significant downgrade to the information
that would be considered useful? Should I include any additives
such as aspartame or melamine that would enhance it's effectiveness?

I do have a rather large collection of short black leather and rubber
whips which I could add to my current torturers stick of devices,
BUT I do must ask whether it matters or not that they have been
used previously in adult play? Would such use reduce their effectiveness
in producing the requisite amount of pain and suffering?

5) I have been told that my quaking-in-their-boots populace is
required to be as dumbed down as possible? Is this absolutely
necessary? I do require that for continuity and immortality reasons
that the doctors who will hopefully treat me and not kill me,
be reasonably educated and less concerned with what happened
6000 years ago than most of my soon-to-be subjects.

Are there specific foreign doctors whom I may contact after each
of my eventual poisonings that would be persuaded to work under
the auspices of my Lord-Vader-like rule? Do any ATS members
have suitable recommendations? Their rates of pay? Their desires
and dislikes? Useful arm-twisting information I could use would be
most helpful!

6) Which global weapons of more destruction must I buy,
steal, beg or borrow in order have a modicum of chance of
defending myself from the Et Tu Brut-like machinations of mere
underlings or the IRS? Can these objects of tyranny be written off?
Do they have a short depreciation schedule? Are there any extra
tax benefits if my weapons of destruction/disruption are over
a certain mega-tonnage or contain specific spore-counts?

Are there any scientists that have proven reliable in their
ability to use duct tape and plastic sheeting as WMD material?

7) How many mistresses and/or pregnant interns should I have?
Where do I hire them? Which Washington hotels should I house them in?
Do they absolutely have to have the numbers 1 to 9 as their names?
Can I choose something different? What is the protocol for such

So there you have it! A few words from your New Emperor in Old Clothes!
Tell me what I want to hear or else I will send the brother I never new
I had Mr. More Lead Pooten from Moscow to clean your house.
I hear that even sleeping tigers can't tame him!

posted on Sep, 22 2008 @ 05:38 PM

Originally posted by StargateSG7
I welcome suggestions from
ATS members and the submitter of the best one will suffer
much less than those who didn't!

Super Shinobi. Something ninja orientated to suit your subterfuge rule from the shadows style.

Originally posted by StargateSG7
Mechanisms of Power Consolidation and Retention

One word - incentives! I will run through your list of competitors and how to sweeten them up.

International Bankers: Issue a global edict to put all the world's oil reserves in their portfolios. This should work nicely.

The Illuminati: Give them due credit by adapting your speeches to the noun, verb and 9/11 principle. Erect statues of greek and babylonian Gods in all town malls. Introduce masonic inspired clothing and jewellery fashions.

The Bilderbergers: Reduce corporate and industrial taxes to 1%. Make sure free market growth is the number 1 priority in your manifesto. Highlight it in yellow.

The Trilateral Commission: Absorb as a department of the government, your official think-tank so to speak. Make them feel special by giving them badges and a gun.

The Nephilim: Put the skeleton back in its holy burial mound. Include an armed guard as a gesture of solidarity.

The Watchers: Well not talking about them openly would be a GOOD start.

The Reptoids: Excavate and uproot all subterranean military bases, missile silos, genetics labs and put them on the surface instead. Or in Space. Then make the mountains and caves federally prohibited land.

The Greys: All they ever wanted was the Roswell saucer back. Try to make the exchange at night under a full moon. The Grey search team will see it sparkling on the desert floor and pick it up swiftly.

Originally posted by StargateSG7
How does one gather publicity for my war machine?

It is called youtube celebrities.

Originally posted by StargateSG7
Are there any new and unique methods of interrogation
that I should be aware of?

Labyrinth and resident Minotaur don't seem to be getting much attention lately.

Originally posted by StargateSG7
Are there any scientists that have proven reliable in their
ability to use duct tape and plastic sheeting as WMD material?

I think you must sneak into Iraq and rescue Chemical Ali if you want this to be done properly.

posted on Sep, 22 2008 @ 06:27 PM
you need to name your yacht the ''sea ducer'' or the ''master baitor''

posted on May, 16 2010 @ 06:43 AM
i'm dissapointed that this thread burnt out so quickly, so i'm taking this chance to ressurect this thread and add my ideas in later!
people start posting.

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