posted on Sep, 16 2008 @ 09:05 PM
I know these threads tend to be a dime a dozen here, but I had quite the epiphany recently. Since I see this as a life-changing experience for myself,
I've decided to share it with you all for if not an affirming story, then just entertainment.
Now I'm about to share some fairly personal stuff, but I'm a pretty "heart on sleeve" kind of guy so whatever. Over a month ago, my girlfriend of
almost 4 years left me. I mean, totally removed all alleys of communication. Radio silence. From what I thought was a good thing to total blackout
without any notice or explanation.
Obviously, I was devastated. It was the first time in my life I felt like dying. This was the bottom of the barrel and I was experiencing pure
hatred/confusion/loss of identity. I went from violent anger to complete apathy 20 times a day. I've lost 25 pounds in 30 days. It was bad.
I stayed like this until a few days ago. I was visited by something that has stayed with me since. Let me tell you, I have more problems with religion
than most skeptics, but I have no other explanation than to tell you that I have an open connection to God right now.
It happened on a walk back from work one night. I was on a huge bender and getting hammered every night, then walking back to my apartment to simmer
in self-loathing. It happened somewhere between the walk home and waking the next day, but I felt like I had lost a weeks worth of time. There was a
huge story in my head and I didn't know where it came from. It was all the answers to all my questions and showed me that I was about to have a
breakthrough. It was the most horrible/wonderful thing I had ever felt in my life. I sobbed tears of joy and despair all at once. It was an emotion
that I've never felt. I don't even think it was an emotion, it was like being touched by pure energy and light.
I pieced together the message over the next couple days. It told me that my apathy was the reason that this had happened to me. I was gliding through
life and not fulfilling my purpose. This was my punishment, and I was getting a big dose of sadness to make up for all the people I had wronged in the
last few years. I had no reasons to be angry as that emotion is a fickle, simple one. I saw the last years roll past my eyes for days and I felt an
unbelievable appreciation for them, as they were what brought me to this day.
These are answers that I am in no way able to give myself. They were a gift from God. It was like I was being lifted into a realm of consciousness
that I wasn't able to see before. My eyes were opened and my world is now more real and detailed.
This is where I get into the "something big" part. Not so much for the collective consciousness, but I get touched like this at least once a day by
something or someone telling me, "you are about to do something huge.. you're about to change your life and lives around you. you must keep your
eyes open and strike the chance when it is given to you." I see signs everywhere now. Everything in my life has meaning, and I am piecing together
the message slowly. People are calling me from earlier times in my life randomly and its almost as if they are dropping hints. Maybe coincidence? But
I don't see coincidence anymore.
This was a gift that I could have rejected. I know this because it takes consistent effort to maintain it. I believe we are given avenues in our lives
and we need to jump on the right track to be given the chance at better understanding.
I tell you all this because I want those who are going through bad times to see that sometimes not everything can be dealt with all alone. Maybe I
asked for help somewhere along the way, but when I was offered it, I took it, and I'm not looking back. I used to think people like me were diluted
and not strong, falling back on religion to help them through their days. I could not have been more wrong.
I'm not saying read the bible, the koran, the bhagavad gita, etc.. I am telling you to reach out. If not with words, then with your soul. If it
doesn't happen right away, well nothing great ever does. Just calm your soul and give yourself to something higher. You don't need to go to church,
just know that you have the power within yourself to find God. I don't care which God, but he is wonderful.
I was told by a very special person that we are all like bears in a trap. I was a bear in a trap. As a bear, I have no understanding of how to get out
of the trap, so I can't help myself. People who find me are certainly not going to help a dangerous animal, because I will be violent with them and
probably maul them if they get to close. What I need is to calm myself and if I allow myself to understand the situation, and ascend, then I can
eventually evolve spiritually and become aware. At that point, I am no longer a stupid bear, but an intelligent creature of God. At this point, I am
given help to relieve myself of the trap.
Haha, I didn't do that metaphor justice, but I hope you get the idea.
I'd love to see what you all think of my experience. Thanks for your time.