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Has a book ever changed your views on relationships?

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posted on Sep, 13 2008 @ 06:05 PM
I'm a huge fan of Deborah Tannen and her works have helped me see why talking is really an important part of relationships in every day life. When has a book ever changed your views on relationships in your own life?

posted on Sep, 14 2008 @ 12:39 AM
Hi Frankidealist35,

When I was first living with my husband (then fiance), the only book that really helped me out with our relationship back then was my bible.

I remember people saying to me that I was living in sin and they'd talk about me, but it's funny because those very people didn't have a good relationship with their own spouse, being either too dominant in their own relationship, talking down or bad towards their spouse, just silly stuff.

Back in those days...I'd open up a passage and read scripture, and it was like telling me exactly how to handle my relationship. Yes, at the time, I knew it wasn't good to be living together with him unmarried. But at the time I had no other choice. It was too hard living at home with my wasn't working out. And when I came to live with him, the very ones who were talking about me were so called "Christians" yet, when they'd say such things, they forgot or didn't read what Jesus himself said:
"I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."

Anywho, back then my fiance didn't believe in God and Christ as much as I did. And he'd get me so upset when he'd question me about God and such and how there was no God. However, when I'd read scripture concerning this issue, it really helped me in my relationship with him.

To the remnant speak I, and not the Lord. If any brother have a wife that believeth not, if she be content to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath to her husband an infidel, if he consent to dwell with her, let her not put him away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband. Or else were your children unclean: but now are they pure. But and if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not in subjection to such. God hath called us in peace. For how knowest thou o woman, whether thou shalt save that man or no? Other how knowest thou o man whether thou shalt save that woman or no? but even as God hath distributed to every man.

Even though we weren't married at the time of me reading helped me out lots. If he wanted to leave me, so be it...if he wanted to stay with me, fine...God hath called us in peace. Yet, it did hurt me very much when both me and him would get into terrible arguments together. I remember one time I went with his sisters on a trip because he was treating me badly. When I came back home, everything I owned or really liked was destroyed. However, even though he acted that way, I promised the Lord that I'd marry him.

There was also another time...when I got pregnant...I fled from an abortion. One of the most difficult and challenging times in my life. The only thing I could do was pray, and ask the Lord for help, I had to go to that good book for help. It had helped me so far, despite all the cruel things people were saying about me, the Lord didn't let me down.

I'm not sure if this is what your looking for in your question of if a book ever changed your views on relationships in your own life, but this book surely has changed my views. And I do thank God and Christ for it.

Have a blessed day/night

posted on Sep, 14 2008 @ 10:44 AM
A book by Patricia Evans entitled The Verbally Abusive Relationship/How to Recognize it and How to Respond.

Until I read that book I had this very naive notion that people were honest and well-intentioned (we view the world not how it is but how we are) and I just couldn't understand why people said and did the things they did.

Once my eyes were opened I realized that most people speak and act from their own insecurities/neuroses. One had to look beyond what was said to what was meant to be conveyed by the speaker. For a simple soul such as mine, this was a leap.

I am not a game player (too lazy, lol) but many people are. My communication with others (male or female) has improved because I now listen to what they're really saying and not just the words coming out of their mouths. I respond to what's said more than to the words alone.

I bought so many copies of Ms. Evans book to pass them out to people that she wrote me personally. LOL. It occured to me then that I may have crossed into obsessive behavior and now I just recommend it to people who may benefit from her insights.

posted on Sep, 14 2008 @ 09:34 PM
Today it is not uncommon to see marriages end. I grew up thinking that after a period of time every relationship would lose its "spark", lose the romance, and the couple would find themselves out of love. Either they have to end the relationship or they have to keep the relationship going, but most likely both people would live unhappily ever after.

My mom and I read a LOT of books, and we usually share the ones that we really enjoy. When my mom shared a book by Nicholas Sparks called The Wedding, she said that it was so amazing that she felt it should be a requirement for all that decide to get married

After thirty years of marriage, Wilson Lewis, son-in-law of Allie and Noah Calhoun (of The Notebook), is forced to admit that the romance has gone out of his marriage. Desperate to win back his wife, Jane's, heart, he must figure out how to make her fall in love with him... again. Despite the shining example of Allie and Noah's marriage, Wilson is himself a man unable to easily express his emotions. A successful estate attorney, he has provided well for his family, but now, with his daughter's upcoming wedding, he is forced to face the fact that he and Jane have grown apart and he wonders if she even loves him anymore. Wilson is sure of one thing--his love for his wife has only deepened and intensified over the years. Now, with the memories of his in-laws' magnificent fifty-year love affair as his guide, Wilson struggles to find his way back into the heart of the woman he adores. -

This novel is one of my favorites of all time
It showed me that relationships don't have to lose their spark - as long as the people don't want the spark to go away.

I recommend this book - and this author (see other books on website) to anyone that wants a good love story.


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