For all the dads of teenage girls here.

When one of my best friends little girl was born I happened upon these 10 rules which I thought were perfect for any Father with a teenaged daughter. I know I will be using them when my wife and I have kids.


Ten Rules for Dating my Daughter


Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.





[edit on 11-9-2008 by QBSneak000]

[edit on 11-9-2008 by QBSneak000]

I might have to adjust the vietnam reference to something more modern as i'm currently 27, but i will use these when my daughter gets to dating age if i manage to save them that long. =)

LOL good rules!! I think this is why I dont have any kids.. I would be a mess all the time.. And I would be like that crazy dad who sits there and cleans all his guns when boys come over...


But my mother had always said this to us kids, about having kids..

With boys you only have 1 dick to worry about..

With Girls you have every dick in the world to worry about..

o dear god if more girls i dated had fathers like you i might have to find orphans to go out with

but i hear you if i was ever to have kids i pray its a guy. then maybe the second one can be a girl. maybe..

reply to post by N. Tesla


Haha, I hear you. I keep telling my wife that if we have a girl, Im going to have these rules printed out nicely and framed by the front door so any future possible boyfriends will at least know what to expect when they come pick her up.

Sounds like you are a :w:

LMFAO

Rule 9 had me pissing my pants with sheer laughter!

Just remember what it was like when you first started dating.....

Other than that those 'rules' had me LMFAO!



it's been 5 minutes and I'm still struggling to stop laughing

Dad? Is that you?????

I didn't know you were on ATS!!!!!

I dated a girl who's dad was like that. It was pretty hard at first but after a year I gained a little bit of trust. We were actually allowed to hang out at her place when her parents were not home.

Pretty funny list. Although I think it's a bit "soft" for my taste.

My daughter is only 2 right now, but God help the poor sap she brings home for the first time.

If any dads need help with daughters 18 and over, I'll take them off your hands.

Originally posted by MegaBears
If any dads need help with daughters 18 and over, I'll take them off your hands.

ROFLMAO!

bwahahahahahhahahahahaahahahahahaha

those rules are cool. i have 2 soon to be 3 daughters. i can see myself telling some baggy-panted little shi% some of this. verry funny and true.

Daughters do it.

That's soooo weird.

It's like when you were doing their Mom, did you have any idea what would happen?

I mean think about it.

What you did with her Mom...

She's doing with...

Some guy!

Just like you!!!!

Isn't that weird?

Any baggy pants below the waist boy comes anywhere near my daughter they might as well give up while they are already way behind, and thank goodness my daughter thinks that such idiots wearing their pants down to their kneecaps deserve a good swift kick in both front and behind..and she would not hesitate to do it...neither would I!




Cheers!!!!