The FACTS about establishing Custody as a Father

If any of you are dads out there fighting for custody with the courts. You have probably noticed that the court will side with mom 99% of the time. I have heard many horror stories. My story is definitely a horror story. The court system not only seems to encourage this kind of behavior from mom, but they seem to endorse her and give her every bit of support, without listening to both sides of the story.

As a father in the United States I can't seem to find much support. All I ever wanted was to pay the bills so that mom could stay home and spend time with our child durring the day. That way I could help her through school while maintaining focus on my career, all the while saving money from daycare costs etc. I had a long term plan put together to assure financial stability and the best chance for success for my daughter.

It is my opinion that the laws with Child Support, Custody and Social Security are used as a weapon against fathers and mothers. Most mothers do not realize this because they are often encouraged by Child Support Advocates to split with Dad, offering a false sense of security and financial stability. What most people find out is that the laws reguarding child support and custody are two edge swords that will hurt both mom and dad and more unfortunately innocent children.

In many states a father is required to maintain 93 overnights established by the courts before he will begin to recieve any leverage or rights over his own child.

The number 93 can also be traced back to Aleister Crowleys system of Thelema.

So here is a shining example in the lack of moral authority in our court system. They have placed fathers in a system of Thelema or often comparible IMO to Black Magic.

So how do you fight with the US Government over your own child, when they are using a system that is designed to make you fail? A System that is designed to destroy families and turn dads into criminals all the while making mother into a shallow person only concerned with dads money and child support. The child suffers. The family is destroyed. The more you push back. The more it will turn around and hurt you. The System is cursed IMO. It needs to be eradicated.

Consider this. A father loses his job and then they pull his lisence. Disabling dad for trying to create a more positive atmosphere and financial support. Then if dad doesn't get it together they throw him in jail.

Our family values in the USA are nothing more than a mirage of false idiology. These TESSA, CASA and Child Support Advocates make me sick. They all want revenge and they side with mom 99% of the time reguardless of the situation. But what is dad supposed to do when he is the one being physically and verbally abused. There is no such thing, no place for dads to go to escape a hostile environment.

I will post bits and pieces of my story and more interesting facts reguarding this as we go along. If anyone has anything else to add, please feel free to do so.

reply to post by 12.21.12


And that's why we should not marry because of unjust treament we'll get in the end if it all goes south. A comedian once said to his audience: "why are people still getting married when the divorce rate is 1 out of 3 marriages goes right down the tubes!" "People, if you were going skydiving and there was a chance of 1 in 3 being failures... would you go?" Thought that was funny. And I'll leave you with this statement from George Wendt from the comedy show Cheers. George was sitting at the counter when he said: "women... can't live with them, now pass the beer nuts!" But what do I know, I've been married for 20 years... since I was 20. It has it's pros and cons, ups and downs and it's not for some. But much like you say, the divorce... especially when children are involved seems to be the worst of times as I watched my brother go through two already; and the women were favored in both cases. For example, when his first wife wanted to leave after 7 years because she wasn't in love with my brother any longer... he had to give her half of everything... which may have been fair, he had to sell the house as well and give her half... which was not fair considering he built it with his money... she never worked, and he ended up with the kids on the weekends which is not cool considering he always worked weekends as a musican and had to leave his job after 16 years to be available. To me, it just made more sence for the judge to let the kids stay in school, let the kid's keep their home, and let the mom have the kids on weekends with her 200k she left with... considering she was the one who wanted to leave in the first place. It wasn't what the children or my brother wanted. In any case, the same thing happened many years later. Therefore, ultimately, I've come to the conclusion that women get special treatment when they get their panties in a knot and head into the courtroom for a divorce. Your next post will most likely be that of what happened to us when women read this post
Good luck with reponces... ought to be interesting!

reply to post by 12.21.12


I too have gone through this.
Had a kid at 19...Mom wanted to move out of the state... Our judge let her on the basis that she would be able to provide more for the child in Las Vegas, than L.A (we were both working actors/models at the time). I get one night every other week IN vegas... I live in L.A.. there's no context needed to this story. I have no record. Graduated, in college. Nothing was used against me. It was as simple as what happened. Shocked my attorney actually.

Found out later that the judge was her best friends dad. He recuses himself but wont vacate the order... No repercussions...

New judge, by then its 1 year and the new judge says she cant change the order but gives me more custody. 2 nights every other week in los angeles, meet in Barstow California ( halfway between Vegas and L.A) . BUT she threw out child support, which was a win for me. I choose to pay for things for the child through my purchases rather than having to give mom money... Much better system.

So in the end I decided to move to Vegas and was given 3 nights a week. joint physical and joint legal custody. One of the better Dad endings.. But it required I move to Las Vegas. But heck, I'd do anything for my little girl.

I feel.... dads just gotta stick with it. Even if it is a busted backwards thinking system.



[edit on 3-9-2008 by bknapple32]

I'm coming from the woman's perspective, but not the backstabbing *SNIP* side. I don't think it's right to use the kids as a tool to "get back at the spouse" no matter what the cost. That's a big problem with the kids these days, they see how downright spiteful the custody and divorces go that they think it's the way to be.

I'm married, yes; I'm a mom, yes. I wouldn't use my kid as a tool to screw anyone over PERIOD!!!

I know what you are talking about, have an uncle that lost his license due to back child support (He was a truck driver), guess you can't make money that way, can ya??? The mother actually asked the courts not to put him in jail, cuz she wanted him to make arrears as he was able, after he found another job that didn't include driving.

This court system is screwed up to no end when it comes to these matters.... It's just sickening!

A_L

edit to add: oh yeah, I know some of those crazy women that take the men to the cleaners to pay for their credit card bills, car payments and boob jobs, then drop the kids off with the father cuz they are "too much to handle" in the long run. It's all just sick.

[edit on 9/3/2008 by another_lurker]

Mod Edit: Profanity/Circumvention Of Censors – Please Review This Link.


[edit on 9/3/2008 by maria_stardust]

I am the child of divorced parents(well, I'm a bastard child really...parents never got married). Anyway...I have looked at how the judicial system dealth with the matter, and many others from different people...and I have come to the conclusion, that marriage is just a way to protect women and children. That is all it is, the legal protection of women and children. Nothing more!

I have always wondered, why is living common-law not fulfilling? Why have the wedding and the cake. You mean to tell me that saying those vows in front of people make a difference than saying it to each other in your own privacy. You mean to tell me a wedding ring has more value and representation than the song I wrong you 2 weeks ago? You mean me calling you everyday is not a true representation of how I feel. So wait...I must get married legally, in order to show you exactly how I feel? Or do you just like the idea they feed you?

Looking at it...marriage, by society's standards is a ruler to measure love. And this should not be the case.

I went through something similiar 16 yrs ago...My first wife took off with a fella she met, left me with three children.

I spoke with an attorney and he said come see me again if she is not back in 30 days...she wasn't.

I did return to see the attorney, and believe it or not within 60 days I had sole custody of the kids.

Abondonment is the only real way a father will get "sole" custody of the children...all others he will either lose or end up in a lopsided sharing agreement.

reply to post by 12.21.12


I think it only appears that they side with the mothers more times than not. This would be so in a case where a father wants to be more actively involved in the well being of his children.

In the case of mothers who would love nothing more than to see a father involved in a co-parenting relationship, this is where the courts "seem" to side with the father. I tried for awhile to get the court to "force" my ex to be more involved, not financially, but just in showing up on his visitation days and had no help in securing this. I was told repeatedly that if he didn't show up for (I believe it was) 5 or 6 months consecutively, then I would be awarded sole custody (which was never my intent and certainly not my ideal for my boys).

So, I really think to say they side w/ the mothers, it all depends on the perspective you are coming from.

In my state the courts no longer side with the mother just because she's the mother. My cousin just recently went through a custody battle with her childs father and the father ended up basically running the show. My cousin isn't a drug addict (in fact she doesnt do drugs at all), she doesn't drive excessivly, she hardly even goes out...but because of small things here and there that happened when her and the father first split up he had the upper hand. They're both amazing parents it just so happened that she made some mistakes, he knew how to use them to his advantage and they came back to bite her in the ass.

All in all it really should be that way...a mother shouldn't be awarded custody simply because she's the mother...there are plenty of mothers out there who shouldn't even care for a plant never mind a child.

Thanks for all the responses. I can tell alot of you even the females have a pretty good idea how these things work in the courts. What I have found is that the best way to spend time with my child is to try to deal with mom or even try to be with her. But when things get bad like say I lose my job she just tries to punish me, she is very vindictive. Now she is threatening to move to another state with some guy she barely knows. I know shes probably just making threats, but who knows.

Any women out there could maybe help me figure out what exactly is going on in her head?