I went through this myself about 2 years ago.
It has nothing to do with you, you were married too young, in my case my ex was 8 years younger than me even though I was old enough she was only 20,
it's not you or anything else she is discarding, it's a need to have some portion of an adult life to herself or different or simply to change.
None of that is much consolation, I know... but it doesn't sound like your having major problems with your children...
The real problem it seems, Is depression
Once your depressed it's hard to break the pattern... 2 years, by now you should be past the bulk of the actual feelings for her and it sounds like
your not letting go...
For me it ended, or began to end after the first year, and brief period of self destruction and depression.
You need to find yourself again... it's really hard, ten years is a long time, you form patterns, routines, your expecting things to never change
I think... it sounds like I had it a bit easier because I had in many ways fallen out of love, but she was for a long time very jerkiness about the
kids and it was a fight and time away from them killed me for a time
But in the end... what pulled me up was my innate selfishness...
This can be a great time, particulalry if you can see your children and that is straight...
I'm going to ask you to look at the bright side, that might sound a bit odd, but really, stop with the suicide, ditch Emotion and Think logically
1: You are single, there are beautiful women out there
2: You are free to make friends
3: you have time to work on yourself, time you surely lost by entering a relationship to long.
4: you have NO ONE to answer too anymore
5: Even if your making payments... the rest of anything you earn is YOUR OWN to waste or use as you please on anything.
For me... this is becoming these last 6 months bit by bit a Second Renaissance in my life...
Let me explain something, once I realized the DEPRESSION made no sense and I started LIVING again... from that moment I am IN LOVE with LIFE againAnd
you can be too!!!!!!!!!! You need an AWAKENING about what is really before you...
You can bemoan lost Love or Realize... NO GOOD STORY is worth it's weight in Poop, without some tragedy, get over your suicidal insane emotions and
this is YOUR STORY and it's time to write a whole NEW chapter!!!
Let me give you an example...
My last 4 months...
I have climbed a mountain and explored 3 caves
I drove an old car I bought until it blew up just for Some it's and giggles
I took another Car a Nissan and I have driven it through the woods side ways and done dukes of Hazzards off cliffs with the sucker... Why? because no
CHICK is there to tell me not to...
I go out whenever I can afford it and get drunk and fool around with girls waaaay to young for me...
I have friends and we can sit around smoking and no one complains
I have been rappelling
This week I bought a Composite Bow and shot boxes of cereal in my underwear in my living room with it... (been using it in the woods everyday)
Last night I went to a carnival
Today I went shooting photographs on a 1600.00 dollar Camera (that no one could tell me was an "extreme" purchase)
I get to meet new Women again (this admittedly wasn't an easy transition) (and yes it is mention 2x because it's GREAT) But slowly but surely I am
getting good at it again...
I sleep as late as I want
I Dance when I can
working out, being athletic, goofing off, reading and many other things that were "scheduled" out of my life by HER are now back
My kids think i'm so cool now it's scary
Did I mention you could get laid again....oh yeah I did
I'm not making it sound easy... I got threw a financial blow last month siiiiigh and I would like to see kids a bit more often and all... but I have
that in the bag too.... because I don't give a crap
what I am saying is
OH MY GOD YOUR SINGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO HAVE SOME DAMN FUN AND STOP MOPING!!!!!!!
My Name Mopus Vindictus...
I picked it in the same state of mind as your in right now...
Just here to tell you, your wasting good life with negative energy, it's out of your hands but life isn't
A year later... I wish I could change my name... I don't know who Mopus Vindictus actually is anymore, and I am embarrassed I let another person turn
me into a Vindictive Mope for a time when it's so beautiful outside today
Live long, live well my friend.
You can't keep Loving her, but you can Love Life and so long as you do your a page turn away from the next chapter of your book my friend.
Being single is fantastic!!!!!! Let go of her and embrace yourself
[edit on 17-9-2009 by mopusvindictus]
[edit on 17-9-2009 by mopusvindictus]