Why Can't I Get A Girlfriend?? (Pictures)

Hey. I'm a really shy guy despite maybe arguing with people constantly about conspiracy theories. First time posting in BTS.

Anyway, all through middle school I was bullied and made fun of. I guess because I was an awkward kid. I'm 21 now....but I was into anime, and the paranormal, and I was pretty lanky. Because of this I was always awkward around women. Some girls said I was just basically an ugly duckling and I wasn't rich enough for them to be interested in me (I come from a wealthy place). Some girls were really into me and some even offered to have sex with me later in high school. I guess I looked decent for society or something or maybe they were looking for someone to just take their virginity since being called a virgin was an insult (maybe it's different other places). But I always wanted to wait til marriage or until I was truly in love with the person and not just some fling that was meaningless. So I always got really nervous talking to girls. I had a lot of friends in high school and I guess was part of the in crowed at least sophomore year, or maybe it was more the hippy crowed. But I still felt ugly all the time and embarassed. People would talk to me and they'd think I was some Ice King because I was just too shy to talk to them. Anyway, I still think I look bad, even worse now. There are a lot of girls I'm interested in but I'm too afraid to talk to them. Oh yeah people would also call me "gay" because I'd try to treat women fairly. Even though I thought they were asses anyway since my parents raised me to respect people regardless of sexual orientation. I even have friends who are gay. All girls and maybe one guy or so.

So I enclosed some pictures. I'm curious as to what you think is the problem with me not being able to get a girlfriend? Is it really the way I look? Is it money? Is it my interests? I haven't been sexually involved with anyone in 3-4 years. Not even a kiss. And by sexually I mean second, third base. I'm a virgin . Is something wrong with me? I feel like I've gone from faithful prep school boy to so prude he's creepy.



[edit on 2-9-2008 by SkepticalSteve]

I think you've answered your own question about why you don't have a girlfriend.

Originally posted by SkepticalSteve
There are a lot of girls I'm interested in but I'm too afraid to talk to them.

If you don't talk to girls, it's going to be pretty hard to get one to go out with you. You aren't ugly, so get that out of your head. Just start small by saying 'Hello' to a girl you like. Unless she's a total cow, she won't bite your head off.

reply to post by Duzey


Thanks for the reply. I can do the basic stuff like say "hello"...and that's it. But it never goes any further. Like I don't know how to strike up a conversation. I don't know how to "spit game" lol.

You should look into Erik von Markovik. He goes by Mystery now, and I think he may be able to help you out!

Dude, I think you can do anything you set your mind to.
I personally believe girls are attracted to personality and not so much looks.
Of course it helps out if your a looker but at the end of the day personality is the root. Confidence is very important so you need to resolve that issue. You can do anything if you just let go and allow yourself to do it.

Are you serious?Or just after pity sex?
I really dont know whats worse but do you think asking random people on teh interwebz who dont know you from a bar of soap is gunna be any help?

Anyway my 2cents is either join a club or sport and hope you meet someone there or just get really maggot find a chick thats equally faced and put sensibilities behind you and hit it.With a bit of luck you'll wake up in the morning and she wont be a bushpig and she wont think your a munter and it could be the start of something beautiful.

Be cautious, but not to cautious. Be aggressive, but not too aggressive. You don't want a female thinking that you are needy or a push over. It is this fine line men need to follow that makes them attractive or not. Humor is good to show also. The first thing I help people out with is the body-language. If you master that than the rest will follow.

You're shy and hesitant because you don't know how to read body language. Most men don't and that is why they stay single not by choice. Read books on this verbal/non verbal communication from Psychology books not from dating books and soon you'll be reading everyone like a book.

Steve, buy a guitar, learn a few chords, learn a couple songs and go to
open mic clubs/coffee houses/churches/front porch anywhere....

Instant popularity, chicks galore, new friends, Rock and Roll, self confidence. It's a known fact, women love musicians. It worked for me!!!

Plus you have a new skill that is very gratifying, just sitting around the crib, playing, learning new riffs, writing songs, creating art, exploring modes, sounds, open tunings, gear.....


This advice was given to me by another guitarplayer that was one ugly sob, but women loved him. Now I'm passing it on to you.

One word of caution...

It's easy to get caught up in the "quanity rather than quality" mode of operation.

Originally posted by whaaa
Steve, buy a guitar, learn a few chords, learn a couple songs and go to
open mic clubs/coffee houses/churches/front porch anywhere....

Instant popularity, chicks galore, new friends, Rock and Roll, self confidence. It's a known fact, women love musicians. It worked for me!!!

Hahahah! He's got a point there!

reply to post by stalphos


Stay away from Mystery. You might learn some things but in the end, it's nothing but routines. That does nothing for you in real situations.

reply to post by whaaa


Musician here..... Yup, musician part.....Big Plus

Maybe you should visit this thread too, Nice Guys Finish Last

reply to post by SkepticalSteve



arrrhhh, i cant see your pictures though i dont need to!
stop beating yourself down.... its friggin hard to meet people these days, its not just you beleive me. most people are out for perfection and it sucks big time. they take one look at you and judge instantly instead of having alittle conversation first.

personally i couldent care less about how much $$ a man had (truth), if i could get a decent conversation out of someone i'd be full attention. everyone has 'something' the opposite (or same) sex can relate to so dont be dismayed, there is someone out there who will find you attractive/intresting.

you gotta get out there and join some sort of group. think of something you like doing and move it!!! woman arnt going to come to you, you have to unfortunately make it happen.

Pictures! I was promised pictures and there are no pictures!
No wonder girls don't like you. You are a liar. Girls DO NOT like liars!

yea where are the pictures

Maybe you have no girlfriend cause you are a liar... where's the photos??? Well we are waiting....

reply to post by Zaimless


There were pictures, he must have taken them down, so he didn't lie.

Sounds like you are shy/ less confident than you can be. Women do pick up on that about men. Plus the guys who have dated me(and I am sure with other women), were the ones who were confident enough to ask the women out and not being shy waiting for the girl to take full notice- even though some will. However, you have to get out there, let them know you are available. I too am a gamer(taken sorry!), but notice at many places were gamers go such as conventions and gamer shops where people play... there's females who share your like interests. To say there's no shortage in gamer women, but also to contradict anyone who says gamers are nerds who cannot get dates. Other places would be book stores, with good gaming sections and comic book stores(the one near me has females who work there). If you need a start on talking to women, maybe try a free net dating site-but only if you think it won't stunt your social skills.

reply to post by SkepticalSteve


Hey, I always felt like an ugly duckling, though people have re-affirmed me that I am so not.

I remember my brother's sexy FHM mag, had a survey in which girls said, one of the first things they think of when the see a man is what their babies would look like. So, I can agree with that. But then again, I met somebody off the net a couple years ago, I didn't feel attracted to them at all whatsoever, in my mind, he was the ugliest boy I had ever seen... the night we met, I rarely looked at him, I kept looking at his friend and making conversation with him instead of seeing the guy I met online, in the face. Well, despite that, I called him up and get the relationship/friendship going. We started dating and I started to like him little by little. I'm still dating the same guy. He may be one of the ugliest guys on the planet, but he's pretty decent. It also didn't help that he was so goddam charming. Sometimes I could be downright nasty, and he would just smile and not be fazed by my nastiness. So that impressed me a lot.

reply to post by SkepticalSteve

Well, you seem like you have a good heart and you appreciate beauty judging by your choice of avatars, which is gorgeous! Shyness can be a huge problem but one that can be overcome with the right approach. You said you had pictures but you look like you have removed them. Was it second guessing yourself due to lack of confidence? If so you need to follow through with what you say and stick to it. That could be part of the problem as well.

I second (third) the musician thing. I've played guitar since I was 12 (now 21,) and women really are drawn to it. I don't personally use it. I usually don't even tell girls that I play guitar, but once they find out it's like a huge bonus for some reason.

In my opinion, unless you just want a relationship because you're lonely or want sex, ditch all of this "game" crap. You seem like a pretty good, deep individual who probably appreciates a real relationship. Be real with yourself. Realize who you are, what you like, what your strengths are, and what your weaknesses are. Just knowing yourself and what you're capable of can do really great things for your confidence. Then, if you encounter a girl you think you might like, just start talking to her! Find a reason to strike up a conversation (don't be creepy though.) If the girl is at all interested, she'll respond and in turn contribute to keeping the conversation going. If you're at all compatible, you'll be getting to know each other pretty quickly, and all you have to do at that point is arrange a date outside of wherever you normally come across her (Work, school, etc.) It's almost just like making friends with somebody. If you don't know her that well yet, all you're really wanting to do is get to know her better. You don't need to be nervous or awkward, because nothing's even happening yet. You don't know her....she doesn't know you....you just want to get to know her better and THEN you can decide whether or not to pursue a relationship. Think of it that way.

To me, stuff like this should happen organically or else it just doesn't feel right. If I'm being my real self, and there's tons of awkward pauses or we don't see eye to eye on most of what we talk about, then we're just different people and I need to keep looking. Yeah, this requires waiting, but so do most good things. Of course, if you're just after sex or someone to kill your loneliness....you can ignore all of my crap and just start developing some game.

Awww...come on guys calling him a liar is just not nice!

I have posted plenty of pictures that I took right down! lol