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Originally posted by RogerT
I've received and read plenty of those emails that do the rounds comparing men and women in relationships in a 'humorous' way.
My favorite quote is:
'Women marry men expecting they will change but they don't.
Men marry women expecting they will not change but they do.'
Judging from the amount of Men/Women jokes out there, this must be a fairly accurate generalisation.
The one I never really believed though, was the assertion that sex ends with marriage - until I got married!
I know there are some pretty smart and aware ladies on these boards, so could one of you please explain why marriage kills a woman's sexual desire for her husband?
For the men: is this the main reason/excuse a man would consider taking a mistress? If a wife becomes disinterested in sex but the husband still has full desire, should the wife accept that a mistress is a logical and necessary solution?
Feel free to share your opinions and research, however, personal experience would be even more appreciated. If you are willing, let us know your current sex and marital status when you post
I agree. There is something that changes from the dating phase sex, to everyday run of the mill marital sex, that makes it feel more like an obligation and chore, than an actual expression of love. Just one more thing we "need" to do. Which can cause guilt and resentment of sex. Because most women do not "need" sex, like apparently a man does, it loses its sense of "specialness". When a woman has resentments about things that happen in a relationship, the last thing she wants to do is let her husband "relieve" himself through her. When a woman is emotional in a negative way, even if she has had a bad day, the last thing on our minds is sex. Although you could convince us, with a mood alterer such as a back rub or doing something for us that makes us feel appreciated. "I see you aren't in a good place, why don't you take a bath and relax, I will cook dinner, or help the kids with homework", or "I will give you a back rub" will most likely be the best foreplay you can do. The dishes, or something. Anything. Something that says I care about you. Because with all our grocery shopping, cleaning, organizing, planning, child caring, cooking, folding, feeding pets, our job, the banking, the etc, we are doing it for "you" and "everyone else".
Women don't want to sleep with a husband who they think has stopped caring about them. When their husband stops opening the door for them, stops caring about their day, stops flirting, stops showing romantic interest in her, it makes a women feel vulnerable. Sleeping with someone who makes a woman feel vulnerable goes absolutely contrary to every evolutionary instinct passed down through the millennia.
Originally posted by RogerTI know there are some pretty smart and aware ladies on these boards, so could one of you please explain why marriage kills a woman's sexual desire for her husband?
Originally posted by RogerT
A lot of sense in your post.
Not sure you nailed it regarding the mistress vs lots of different cheat partners though. Generally, from my observations, a mistress provides easy access to sex on a regular basis, without the 'wifey/family' stuff being present. When the mistress starts looking for a bit more 'commitment' or 'status', that would be the time the guy will start looking for a new mistress
The 'romantic' issue bothers me. Many things a husband did as a lover were romantic, yet as a husband the very same acts become irritating, boring or silly. I wonder if it is possible for a husband to continue being as romantic as he was before marriage, not because he can't do the same stuff, but rather because romance tends to be portrayed and therefore represented as a 'tall dark handsome stranger performing selfless and crazy acts to win a fair maidens attention and favors'
Once the fair maiden has given herself into the bondage of marriage, romance becomes something she witnesses amongst her single friends and in the movies, and craves without the hope of satisfaction from her dull and boring hubbie.
As a male, our biology forever calls for us to 'spread our seed' as far and wide as possible. Is not our overcoming of this genetic tendency and commitment to a single female for life, and our dedication to her protection, security and well being, one of the most romantic acts possible?
Perhaps you answered your own question there. It is boring. Mix it up a little.. Surprise us.
Men often get the blame for failing to ignite the fires as they once did, however, as I posted earlier, men do not change much, they continue to do the same things they did before and are perplexed that those things nolonger produce the same results.