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The Yawn Machine
Yawn away your cares and
help the world off theirs!
WARNING: The Yawn Machine is not a video game or a toy. You should be mentally stable and of legal age in your country or state/province to read beyond this page. There is no strong language here, and no graphics. But you will be invited to think about things that will make you uncomfortable. This is not medical diagnosis or advice. This is not offered in place of professional care from normal institutions. If it is illegal in your location to say that someone might recover from something by simple means and/or the only solution is professional treatment, mind-numbing chemicals or surgery, then this website does not apply.
The author assumes no responsibility, no liability for any damage, incidental or consequential, from reading this website or acting upon information in it. This includes loss of income, loss of assets, and/or loss of sanity.
The whole idea is that you benefit from using this information. But if you don't, and you want to blame someone or something else--preferably someone with lots of money--find a different target.
If you agree with the conditions above, then you may continue. If you like to blame an external source, such as your parents, or the government, or MacDonalds, or the Tooth Fairy for everything bad in your life, it's better if you leave now.
In addition, don't use The Yawn Machine unless you have had enough sleep and are well-rested; you have eaten properly (not junk food) and are not hungry. And you are not currently weak with illness, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol
The Yawn Machine
Yawning Is GOOD!
Huh? I yawn when I'm bored or sleepy, or I don't understand something. Surely yawning is BAD?
Yawning is the way we COUNTER sleep. A yawn defends against sleep. It accompanies a release of unconsciousness, a lessening of the dark energy threatening to overwhelm you, a draining of the engulfing--Cut the crap! What's it all about? And be brief--I haven't got all day.
OK. You're sure you told the truth about not being underage, not tired, not hungry, not ill, not under the influence, and not mentally on the edge?
Yes, yes, I'm good.
Before we get into any juicy stuff, let's just look at a little-known body mechanism that should get you yawning. Remember the idea is to encourage yawns, not suppress them. You don't have to force them, but don't try and stop them coming either. Here we go:
TOUCH STUFF! With your hands, touch the table firmly. Rub your hands together hard. Yawn. Rub your arms. Rub your legs. Rub your chest. Yawn. Squeeze the sides of the chair. Rub your feet on the carpet. Tap your fingernails on the table. Stamp your feet. Scratch your head. Even stretch. This kind of thing. Do whatever makes you yawn, right now. But touch stuff. Don't just think about it, but actually touch stuff! And yawn. Yawn, yawn, yawn. This is just residual stress coming off. It is easier to keep the yawns going than to start them in the first place. They will stop after a bit (while you continue to rub), but it might take ten or even many more yawns to discharge this residual stress. You should also feel somewhat relaxed afterwards.
Why do you think that works?
It is as if a person needs a certain minimum amount of energy around them, even if there is bad energy mixed in with the good. If someone only has this baseline minimum, they will not be able to get rid of bad energy. Touching stuff, like rubbing the hands together or arms or legs or chest or whatever, energizes the person, i.e. the person sucks in more energy from the environment. This increases the total amount of energy the person has, and they can afford to let go some of the bad energy as they now have energy to spare. Continuing the process of rubbing (good energy in) and yawning (bad energy out) discharges more of the harmful energy connected to what one's attention is on. If one stops rubbing, i.e. stops building up one's total energy, the yawning will soon stop as one gets down to this minimum baseline energy level.
But I wasn't thinking of anything in particular.
There is usually enough residual stuff around connected to everyday life that one's attention is on, to a certain extent. One can also get real specific. Here is an example that should work with most people. It might be mentally painful. Don't say I didn't warn you. Have you ever had a loss? Maybe your mother died? Your girl ran off with someone you thought was your friend? Your boyfriend, who you still love madly, dumped you? Your best friend isn't talking to you, maybe forever? A loved one who isn't there any more? Have you experienced anything like that?
Ouch. This isn't funny.
Right. Yawn! Make yourself yawn. Yawn, yawn, and yawn again.
I'm feeling sleepy.
Touch stuff! Firmly. Rub your hands together, rub your chest, rub your arms, rub your legs. Firmly. Don't just think about it, but actually touch stuff! And yawn. Yawn, yawn, yawn. Yawn though your jaw maybe aches. When you can touch stuff without yawning for a full minute, by the clock, you can go on to the next step. But note that you no longer feel sleepy.
How does the sleepy bit work?
It's as if one has, say, one hundred units of analytical thinking power. If one is somewhat upset, say, maybe only 50 units of analytical thinking power remain, and the other 50 are temporarily tied up in a battle with the upset. If the upset is more pronounced, maybe only ten analytical units of thinking power remain for now. As the number approaches zero, one "goes to sleep", either with eyes closed or just staring into space.
Take your topic (a mental idea of what you're dealing with, like the loss of your loved one, or getting pounded on, or whatever), and put it out there. Mentally put it out there. Yawn. This should make you yawn more. Keep doing it. Put it in front of you, behind you, into the wall, into the supermarket, behind the moon, into next week, anywhere as long as it is out there. You want to produce yawns. It's OK if the topic changes a bit, but don't shift to something else completely until you have got all the yawns you can out of this one. After a few out-theres, touch stuff again. Yawn. If you're getting sleepy, touch stuff a lot. Remember, a yawn is a blow against sleep, but you have to keep recharging your batteries by touching stuff or you won't be able to yawn away the harmful energy.
Putting it out there doesn't make any sense. It just sits here in my head. How can you think "out there" anyway?
Almost anyone can do this, even if it seems impossible at first. If your topic is too heavy, kind of mentally hold it still and back away from it a fraction, a tiny, tiny bit. You want to put some distance between it and you, but not by putting it out of your mind completely. If you can't manage the whole thing, put a small part of it out there. You can put one molecule, or one electron of it out there, can't you?
Good. Remember, you want to produce yawns. If you started with a topic that made you yawn, or something that makes you feel sleepy, touching stuff or putting it out there should produce a lot of yawns.
How many is "a lot"?
Ten. Fifty. More if it's a heavy topic.
OK. Is there anything else I can do?
Tell it. It is often good to talk to the computer screen about the topic you are dealing with, or talk to the wall. Express emotion. Or write things down. Some people find it useful to have a record of the topic addressed, the time the session started and ended, how many yawns produced and on what, and the overall result. You may realize something important, and want to have a record of it. You can produce yawns doing this. If so, keep doing it. Do whatever is producing yawns, until it no longer makes you yawn. Don't write or say lots of stuff if it doesn't make you yawn--that is a waste of your time. This is The Yawn Machine and to get the benefits you need to be yawning.
I feel stupid talking to the wall! Doesn't it help to talk to people? Why can't I just grab a friend?
Yes, it can help to some extent to tell one's troubles to someone who will quietly listen. But will your friend encourage you to yawn while doing so? If you yawn when you are with someone else, don't you just say sorry and try to stop yawning? That's why The Yawn Machine does it this way. Yawning is GOOD! Yawn the negative energy of your troubles away. If you feel too weird talking to the computer or the wall or your hand, tell it by writing things down.
So I just alternate these things, one after the other?
Put it out there, touch stuff and talk to the wall all at the same time if you want. Or half a dozen out-theres followed by touching stuff, and making a few notes when you wish. Experiment a bit. The right way is the way that gets the most yawns you can handle--if you find it's going too fast and you're feeling drained despite touching stuff a lot, tone it down a bit so you're not yawning so much. You need to causatively bite off part of the bad energy of the subject and chew into it (out-theres, telling-it), increase your total energy by touching stuff firmly, and discharge the bad energy by yawning. If you don't both chew into it, and boost your own energy by touching stuff, you won't be able to yawn away the harmful energy, and you will say "It doesn't work on me". And you have to keep it up until there is no more harmful energy on that topic left to discharge, or again you will find, "It didn't really work". Three quick yawns and then back to watching TV isn't going to get you anywhere.
What if I find I'm just thinking about something bad that happened to me, that maybe makes me cry?
You can turn that around to your benefit, but don't just "think about it". Be pro-active. Do what it says above. Boost your supply of good energy by touching stuff. Causatively sit up mentally and put the thoughts out there somewhere rather than reactively lying back and being swamped by soggy emotions. And touch stuff, and yawn. Tell it as needed. Keep producing yawns by doing all three--touching stuff firmly, out-theres, telling it--until there are no more yawns available and the subject doesn't affect you negatively any more.
I'll go away and try it properly. It works with other stuff as well as losses?
It should work with any topic that makes you yawn or feel sleepy or emotionally down when you think about it. It won't help with feeling sleepy from eating too much or other physical causes. See you next time.
Interesting. But I found that in addition to yawns, I was also having strange burps and sighs and things like that.
That often happens when doing procedures to release harmful energy, not only this one. Be glad of it as it shows the procedure is being effective. I didn't want to call this the "yawn, sigh and burp machine". Simply continue addressing whatever topic you have been working on using the procedure until these effects go away. Note that if you are burping because of some physical reason, like a fizzy drink, this is not applicable.
It didn't work with everything, but reminders of Lynnie don't upset me any more. I can put up with how I look now. Even that nasty stuff doesn't bother me like it did. It's amazing, actually. But it is so simple. How come I never heard of this until now? It's not exactly high-tech. Most of it could have been written hundreds or even thousands of years ago.
Yeah. Sucks, don't it?
Can I write to you about this?
There is a form here you can use.
Is this all there is? Where can I find out more? Are you famous?
That's all you need for a simple version. There is a more sophisticated version of this Rub & Yawn procedure available. There are a wealth of suggested routines you can use. I have a website at www.yawnguy.com with more information. Me? I'm nobody.
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