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Originally posted by jimmyjackblack
I found out recently that I only had 1 real freind, well, maybe 2, however me and her are nolonger friends.
Let me explain a little bit of how I've ended up friendless.
I used to have tons of friends, or at least people who said they were my friend. THe strange thing is though, they would never come to my house and see me, they'd never stick up for me, they'd never pay for my movie ticket, dinner ect., yet they were my friends, I had fun with them and stuff.
One day I became homless, none of them would help me out, none of them would take me in, even though I knew these people for years and was convinced that they were my friends. Only one person (I still love her), helped me out, we became real close and I was able to get back on my feet. Me and Kerry were like a married couple (but without the sexual stuff), we weren't really even a couple, but we acted like one, we shoped together, slept in the same bed together and visited her family and did a lot of stuff together, but we were never in love with each other and didn't want to persue a romantic relationship. One day I was going through some hard times, I told Kerry that I might be leaving to go live with my parents in Missouri, she told me "If you ever leave me, I'll fall apart", well I left, I left TX without even saying good bye to any of my "friends", I felt very betrayed by them. Well after half a year I came back to TX, lived with some friends of mine and was having a great time, I visited Kerry and said "See you didn't really fall apart", she said "Actually I did", it seems that I was her moral compass, when I left her life fell apart, she told me she doesn't love God anymore, that hurt me and hit me pretty hard. I still hung out with her, but I figured that sense I hurt her so badly, that if we become close agian it may destroy her even worse than ever. So over time I saw her less and less and eventually faded away out of her life. Well, after a while, I got my heart broken, big time by this girl I thought loved me, we knew each other for a long time and she let me down even though she acted like she liked me, I loved her, the pain I felt, it was horrible . I became very suicidal, as an alternative to commiting suicide, I instead moved to Missouri, back with my parents. after a few months I found out that one of my "friends" was getting married and I was invited.
It turns out, when I left, everyone elses life turned to hell, some of my "friends" started doing drugs and became incredibly morally corrupt. I was there moral compass, I was valued by many for that quality I had, now that I left, there lives were ruined. I can never forgive myself for that.
I am commiting my life to not having friends or romantic relationships or anything. It may be a lonely painful and terrible life I live, but at least I'm not destroying anymore lives.
I hate my life, I hate who I am, I'll never kill myself, but I sure do want to. It seems I've become the thing I always fought agianst.
I HATE Jimmy Williams
Originally posted by virraszto
If I could just add my 2 cents. I don't need friends to be happy in life. In fact, I don't have a single friend in the world and I'm not unhappy about it. I may sound full of myself, I hope I don't come across that way, but I have not been able to find a friend that meets my expectations of what a friend should be. I've had so called friends tell huge lies to me, steal from me, sponge off me with no intention of returning any favors, etc. I've looked high and low to find someone who had qualities that I could be a friend with...and I finally gave up.
I'm also to the point of stopping all goodwill to people. I frequently donate, or try to help people out when they are in hard times. Nine times out of ten, I get burned. The last time I adopted a family for Christmas and spent a lot of money on them. I caught the mother selling everything I had bought for her children on ebay.
Where are people's morals? With people I've come across, who needs friends?
My husband is my best friend. My kids are my best friends.
[edit on 28-8-2008 by virraszto]