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Cats, The Conspiracy Theory (SemiReal) Why Cats Will Bring The Downfall Of Mankind

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posted on Aug, 23 2008 @ 08:32 PM
There comes a point in any cat owner's life where he or she simply wonders what cats do all day. Nobody really knows what cats do in private while the owners are out at work or shopping. But finally, after a long study by a colleague of mine, who risked his life by posing as a cat, I can reveal the horrible truth,
[color=33ff33]cats are here to destroy the human race! Yes, you may laugh at this seemingly wild and unsubstantiated theory, but I have proof.

[color=33ff66]To begin with, cats are experts in the field of human eradication. They are responsible for hundreds of thousands of traffic accidents a year. A seemingly innocent cat will sit at the side of a busy road, waiting for a large number of cars coming from both directions. At the point where both sets of cars are about to pass each other, the fiendish cat will run out in front of the first lane of traffic,
[color=33ff99]fix the driver with a stare and cause the unfortunate victim to loose control of the car. Then, the cat quickly proceeds to the other lane of traffic where the process is repeated for another unsuspecting driver. If the cat has planned the crossing to perfection, it can cause pile-ups of up to eight or nine cars.

Of course, the cat then walks on and leaves the scene of the crime as quickly as it crosses the road. Most of the time the only damage that is done is on the cars, and not the drivers, but this is just as useful to the cats, as it causes confusion, panic, and the slow downfall of insurance companies [1]. For obvious reasons, cats prefer icy conditions to execute this method of eradication.

[color=33ffff]Another method to force the human race into extinction, is to drive their owners insane. This is far more effective than the car accidents, but it takes longer to implement. Cats drive their owners slowly insane in a number of ways:

1. Digging holes in their owners garden;
2. Eating their food and then simply regurgitating it on the bed/doormat/sofa/kitchen floor [2];
3. Scratching holes in the carpet/sofa/bed;
4. Waking their owners up at various times in the small hours by sitting on them and breathing down their necks; and
5. Singing very loudly and out of tune on fences outside bedroom windows.

[color=00ffcc]The last point in the list is not only to annoy humans, but at the same time communicate with each other, and with their home planet.

[color=00ff99]There is a solution however: dogs! Dogs despise cats, and although dogs may turn out to be from another planet trying to
take over the world [3], they are very stupid. They will chase cats because they feel threatened by their presence.
[color=00ff33]Dogs are not a threat to human life at the moment; they do not have the brain power to cope with human eradication.

[color=00ff00]Take heed as to what I have said, and think on your feet the next time a cat rubs up against your legs!

the bbcode here is hard to use..

[edit on 23-8-2008 by monkeybus]

posted on Aug, 23 2008 @ 08:42 PM

[edit on 23-8-2008 by monkeybus]

posted on Aug, 23 2008 @ 10:57 PM
what about the squirrels ?

posted on Aug, 24 2008 @ 07:23 PM
Never Fear! Piggies will save the world...once they learn to drive a little better.

edit to resize pic

[edit on 24-8-2008 by raven bombshell]

[edit on 24-8-2008 by raven bombshell]

posted on Aug, 25 2008 @ 02:25 AM
reply to post by monkeybus

Actually it's much, much worse than this.

The way cats control humans is by infecting them with a brain parasite, Toxoplasmosis gondii.

AboveTopSecret has the goods on the conspiracy, as always. See:

1. Toxoplasma Gondii, parasite in your brain

2. Human culture shaped by cat parasite?

Read, and feel yourself begin to itch.

posted on Aug, 26 2008 @ 10:30 PM
This is the music forum.

posted on Aug, 26 2008 @ 10:32 PM
reply to post by GradyPhilpott

Gosh, so it is.

I never noticed.

posted on Aug, 26 2008 @ 11:23 PM
TOXOPLASMOSIS - i left the reply window open and just posted after reading this a while ago, I didnt read Astianax posts, but there you go, 2 people getting the same result! fear the INVISIBLE MASTER

Are parasites like Toxoplasma subtly altering human behavior? As it turns out, science fiction writers have been thinking about whether or not parasites could alter a human being's behavior, or even take control of a person

Still not sure that parasites can manipulate the behavior of host organisms? Consider these other cases:

* The lancet fluke Dicrocoelium dendriticum forces its ant host to attach to the tips of grass blades, the easier to be eaten. The fluke needs to get into the gut of a grazing animal to complete its life cycle.

* The fluke Euhaplorchis californiensis causes fish to shimmy and jump so wading birds will grab them and eat them, for the same reason.

* Hairworms, which live inside grasshoppers, sabotage the grasshopper's central nervous system, forcing them to jump into pools of water, drowning themselves. Hairworms then swim away from their hapless hosts to continue their life cycle.


I've, at several times in my life have had 4 cats, all of them had the life...
Maybe its the toxoplasmosis speaking, but I love cats, and wouldn't mind if they took over the world, I the prophet of the SILENT PAW.

but what if the toxoplasmosii, are behind the world domination doomsday plan, and not our furry fellows??

[edit on 26-8-2008 by TheOneEyedProphet]

[edit on 26-8-2008 by TheOneEyedProphet]

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