Great friendship is coming to an end

Hi all,
I'm having some friendship troubles. It's probably all my fault.. I have a great friend. We used to be best friends or something. She trusted me. We had a lot of late night conversations and she kind of liked me a few years ago. When I had problems then she was the one to talk to. She was with me when I went through hell two years ago. I've become really fond of her. Best friend I could ever have.. But for the last few months I feel kind of forgotten.. replaced and left out.. I've become curious about her new relationships and she doesn't like it. She gets mad at me often..
I'm not in love with her.. at least I don't think I am, but I can't lose another person from my life anymore. Once lost somebody dear to me to another and I still haven't gotten over it.. I feel like exactly the same thing is happening to her...
Every time I try to talk to her I say something wrong and she gets mad at me.
I don't know what to do anymore. Tried ignoring her but it's too difficult... I'm losing a great friend
Should I just end this relationship and forget her? If things don't get better I will do it..

Comments? Advice?

[edit on 23-8-2008 by Blue10110]

Originally posted by Blue10110
When I had problems then she was the one to talk to. She was with me when I went through hell two years ago.

Just a question: Was the relationship lopsided at all? As in, she was always there for you, always your crying shoulder, and always helping you but you might have been so wrapped up in your trials to ever be concerned about hers? I am only asking- I am not really sure what your situation was like but those two sentences spoke volumes to me.

I have a male friend who I have always been there for. We'll use this analogy of what our friendship has always been like: I go to his house three times a week to make him dinner just to make sure he eats well. This goes on for years. Then he is at my house one day and I ask him to help me move a couch that is too heavy for me to move alone. He says, 'Sorry. I'm kind of tired today. But what do you have to eat around here?' That is pretty much how our friendship has always been.

He unloads the world onto my shoulders but if I simply ask for his advice, opinion, or help, he takes off. I'm sick? He just keeps unloading on me. I'm obviously stressed and tired? He just unloads on me some more. He dominates every conversation we have with what is going on in his world. If I so much as say, 'Oh I completely understand. I went through something similar a few years back.' His reply will boil down to, 'Yes. Well anyways about me...' I finally got tired of it and have been distancing myself more and more.

Again, I am not saying you are or were like that. I'm just saying females are generally more 'in tune' than men are to other people and although we are known to be givers and caretakers, even in friendships we get tired if we sense the relationship is lopsided

Anyways, you don't have to answer me. Just something to think about. Try to think back with an unbiased view if she was simply your support and tended to your needs but when it was her turn to need you, your issues always overshadowed hers or your replies often boiled down to, 'I can't handle this right now because of what I'm going through!' Etc. Don't answer me. Just think.

[edit on 8/23/2008 by AshleyD]

reply to post by AshleyD


Thanks for the reply

You seem to be a very good friend for that guy. May I ask You what is the reason for your caring for him?

I've always been there for her too or at least I've tried to. She even tells me that, she's glad I've been there for her, every once in a while. It's just these few last months. She found herself a new friend, a guy, and now I feel that I'm being replaced. I'm afraid of it because I've been through the "replacement" process once and don't want it to happen again. But if she's really tired of being available at all times then..
I only want her to be happy. That's probably the only thing I can do to thank her for her friendship..

[edit on 23-8-2008 by Blue10110]

Edit: typos

[edit on 23-8-2008 by Blue10110]

Originally posted by Blue10110
You seem to be a very good friend for that guy. May I ask You what is the reason for your caring for him?

I suffer from Mother Hen Syndrome to a fault.

Anyways, I suggest letting her know you are there for her. I know being replaced can hurt. Try showing her through actions that she can be friends with both of you at the same time. We can always use more friends and aren't limited to a specific number. It is very human to 'get tired' of people and need a break. Maybe just consider giving her some space. That always works wonders.

Best of luck to you!

Not limited to a specific number of friends but every additional friend takes some of the free time you had for the older friends. The result is that those less interesting are forgotten.
This is what I'm afraid of happening.

I guess I'll just have to give her some space. My definition of giving someone more space is just ignoring them and waiting for them to come to me when they need something.

Thanks for your replies AshleyD

I feel very sorry about you and I guess I know how you may feel, because I have been in the same situation a long time ago. I got over it with my other friends help. Actually I find a new friend in this trouble. She was the only one, who listened me and tryed (the most important was that she wanted to help) to help me at this difficult time, even though she was almost a stranger to me. After that I find her such a warm person and we came very close friends. Yes, sometimes I miss my old friend, but however, in other situations I probably wouldn't ever start communication with my new friend. She was so quiet and unobserved before that.

So, do you have someone, whom you can tell your trouble(s)? Even if you don't trust "your new friend's candidate" so much at present, don't worry, find just someone who has good possibilitys to become your new friend. Think about it. Maybe you haven't notice him/her yet.
Every ending is a new start. I have learned, that only few friendships extend "forever", so you must be careful and remember, that your friend may be gone the next second. No, I don't encourage the paranoia, just be ready, when some of your friends will want to leave you. It hurts, but new people will come and take your pain away, if you wish and want so.

Take care and be strong!
Mona

[edit on 26-8-2008 by Moon23]