posted on Aug, 23 2008 @ 01:10 AM
Grays are coming for me, too. Those jerks are putting me in second class... that means no suspended animation and no room service. :-(
The trick to getting a ride with the aliens is as follows:
1. Find a large, open area where you can run around in circles about 10-15 feet wide without anything blocking the sky's view of you - in other
words, no tree branches or anything above you. It's important that this area is free of red mushrooms. Aliens do not like red mushrooms. Something
about giant plumbers jumping on their faces.. I dunno. Anyways...
2. Strap a flashlight to the back of your head, with the beam pointing towards the sky. It's important that it's on the back of your head. If you
try to just hold it up, that's basically how you flip the bird on Planet Zognon. Zognonites aren't very common, but it's best to be on the safe
side. And if you put the flashlight on the front of your head the aliens will think you are trying to tell scary stories and pretty much ignore
3. Now, you must decide which aliens you want to be taken by. Each species has been issued a unique code by The Galactic Beuro of Galactic Things of
the Galaxy. A beuro is like a bureau except with aliens. These codes consist of different patterns of running around in circles. Here's a handy
Zognonites: Two counterclockwise circles, three clockwise, one counterclockwise.
Grays: One clockwise, Two counterclockwise, then shout "Goops My Daddy! Goops My Daddy!" (That part's important. They will only take you if you
declare your allegiance to their god, Goop.)
Reptilians (But for the love of Pete, don't call them that! Their real name is Greenie Babies!): One clockwise, Three hundred counterclockwise,
Forty-two clockwise, then do a cartwheel.
Other species are not accepting rides at this time.
4. When the aliens arrive, its up to you to negotiating what class you'll be transported in. There's first class, second class, and tied to the roof
of the ship by a belt strapped to the bull horns (in all civilized cultures, the rednecks eventually win.) I suppose I should be grateful for second
class, come to think of it...
5. Enjoy your trip. My travel agent recommends avoiding the crab.