posted on Aug, 22 2008 @ 05:38 PM
I feel pretty awful right now...I must admit I have dismissed almost everything I hear when it comes to seeing shadow people/greys/demons/witches, etc
to mental illness. Growing up with in a house with a schizophrenic sister really blocked off my ability to comprehend anything people around me saw
that I didn't see as being worth thinking about...I'd immediately stamp them with the mental illness tag.
After reading all of this I feel like I have truly been messed with for a large portion of my life...I feel like I have only been able to see what is
really going on within this past year and I am afraid to admit these things because I don't want to be given the mental illness stamp I'd put on so
It's very bizarre to me that ever since I was little I have had an inordinate amount of people around me who have claimed to experience very
frightening paranormal events. The things my friends, family, etc. have told me have made me so terrified, that in the past I would immediately jump
to conclusions in my mind of these things being unreal in order to protect my mind from delving too deep in these "hallucinations"because they were
so frightening. My mom definitely had me programmed to regard much of anything that I couldn't see or comprehend as hallucinations...she grew up with
a schizophrenic sister as well.
It hasn't been until very recently that I have been even the slightest bit okay with admitting that I have had these experiences too. And what's far
more odd to me is what I said previously, the incredibly large number of people who have related experiences of demons, aliens, or horrific
imagery/voices. my sister has always seen horribly mutilated people walking among us...my boyfriend has been seeing what he describes as balls of
light that follow him in through open windows that follow him to the point of insanity - one time throughout the entire phoenix metropolitan area.
When we moved into our house in Sacramento we both experienced many strange things...it is an old victorian house so I dismissed a lot of the
experiences my boyfriend had for the house being creeky and emf's being really high in areas where the electrical work was not up to par. but this
wouldn't explain the sudden drops in energy level...one minute we are laughing the next we can't keep our eyes open.
If what you are saying about these beings leeching off of us is true, it is very terrifying as I don't want to think about all the emotions they have
been feeding off of that have been a result of arguments about these things' very existence. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but just for
example...my boyfriend and I had a sever drug problem...I've always had an addictive personality, and would go into different phases during which
i'd binge on certain drugs. the most detrimental and draining addiction has been to speed and I can say this positvely as I have been addicted to
many things, and am currently on methadone for opiate/heroin addiction. My boyfriend and I would stay up for days on end...by day seven it was
impossible to not start seeing things...but my boyfriend would take it to the extreme in my mind. And we would get in such horrible arguments that the
cops would get called and sometimes physical violence would ensue etc...I feel like I half played into these things' desire to aggravate emotions so
as to feed off of us. Even after two years sober from meth my boyfriend still sees these things. And I have only been able to catch myself in recent
months and actually question whether or not it is me or him who is crazy...I worry too because I am on so many pharmaceuticals too that I am
attracting more of this force.
I am so terrified that I am perpetuating this leeching and thus hurting my loved ones by prompting arguments about "reality" and "hallucinations"
and by denouncing the existence of these "beings". I feel pretty sick with myself right now...and to think I work in the mental health field!!!
Sorry this was so long...