posted on Aug, 20 2008 @ 03:52 PM
I wonder why? There's a good reason for that, but that reason itself is something entirely different from what people normally think about things
like these. It has nothing to do with ignorance or subjective world view, but has everything to do with reality as I see it. I'm not dumb, but not a
The thing is that I have been diagnosed a sleep disorder, but that disorder itself is simply a sympton of another disorder. In a way, its like a
domino-effect. I'm not going to disclose everything, suffice it to say that whenever I try to sleep, I cannot possibly stop thinking. That makes
sleeping next to impossible.
This is a problem for me, a serious one. I could handle a sleep disorder because pills could take care of it. What I cannot handle however is how I
should react when my interests include chess, poker, philosophy, psychology, physics, theology, some computer games and so on. Not that these are
subjects I do all day, women, some sports, painting (the arts, usual stuff), music and movies are fine too.
So how am I supposed to try and heal myself when all I care about is how things actually work around globe? My doctor told me to think less during
days, but then what am I supposed to do since I really cannot do _anything_ without realizing at least something. I once tried doing simpler things
but that just led to depressive moods without any feeling of fulfilment. I'm not a perfectionist either, like I ever care to citate sources that much
or to complete my arguments either (I do, but its rare).
%#¤( impossible paradox.