Did I die..... but am living the last minute of my life

about 6 months ago I was hospitalized for 13 nights and 14 days.

I had a high fever and could not breathe well. Went to emergency, they took x-ray and said my left lung had collapsed. Empyema is what I had. Not only did I have fluid in my lung, there was puss in the plural cavity.Needless to say there was a big chance of me not making it. complications were plenty.

Long story short, I lost 40 pounds, had 3 surgeries, and it took me about 5 months to be able to walk as fast as I used to be able to. Plus, I had 2 tubes sticking out of me for 3 days so some of the puss that the surgeon could not take out would drain. CRAZY.

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Here is my question. There was a moment when I was in the hospital that I felt no fear anymore. I did not worry about dying anymore. However, ever since that moment...I feel like I died. Meaning everything that has been going on ever since that moment is me living out what COULD have been my life.

Basically, I think that the last minute before I died, or am dying..is what I am living out currently.

Hard to explain but I figure maybe some of you would understand it.
Its the strangest feeling.
Please explain

Have you seen the movie "Stay"? www.imdb.com...

The plot line is essentially what you are describing.

I think you explained it pretty well. That is a very creepy feeling to be carrying around. As I was reading it, I felt a feeling of loss when you said you felt like you had died. Do you feel a sense of loss?

[edit on 20-8-2008 by virraszto]

reply to post by MrJelly


Kinda like Jacob's Ladder with Tim Robbins right? I've often wondered if I'm still alive. I lost my little sister 2003 and have often wondered if it wasn't me who had passed. None of life has been the same since she is gone or maybe I'm the one who went and am holding on to the pain of life?

Provoking...thank you

Peace

P.S. I really hope your road to recovery is a speedy and that you be blessed with no more illness...sounds like you've had enough...my prayers are with you.

I am not positive what the condition is called, but I know this is a prevalent response for near-death survivors..

I looked into it (oddly enough) after an episode of scrubs.. Surprisingly, it turned out to be pretty on-target.

People who accept they will die assume a new psychi. They accept what will happen. Therefore, things such as work, bills, and relationships seem irrelevant. They seem fleeting, and thus, worthless.

Life is certainly short, my friend, but you've been given a new lease on it. PLEASE go see a therapist. ASAP. It will help you so much. I went to a therapist and though my situation is not the same as yours, they showed me other outlets that made my life seem more important.

Don't let these feelings pile up. You saw what can be, perhaps, but that doesn't mean you can't make the remainder of this life beautiful and gratifying.

"Basically, I think that the last minute before I died, or am dying..is what I am living out currently."

But you didn't actually die.Which is good.
I think that good feeling you had was the fact that you new you weren't going to die.And were going to make it.A relief feeling.
Or, you were so close to it that, the endorphins kicked in, which basically make you feel better than any drug ever derived by man kind.
They are the supreme good feeling compounds coming from the adrenal gland.
You may be suffering post traumatic stress syndrome.
A very traumatic experience that all was.
Also if you had lung breathing difficulties, you might want to see a doctor and possibly get looked into some minor brain damage.
From having lack of oxygen or build up of c02.

um.

i think the doctors performing surgery on the person would've told him/her if they had brain damage? come on now..

think before type?

reply to post by Interestinggg

good post. i've never seen those movies so the idea is new to me, so i asked my mother who almost died several times in the hospital when her kidneys and liver started to fail, she described basicly the same feeling, said she felt she was on "borrowed time" and had actually died but the process was skow enough to "fix"some things before it wa final...however that was 2 years ago now...anyway, i can't say either way, but i know if my mother told me she felt similar, then she wasn't lying. great thread idea.

Thanks for the replies so far.

I dont feel a sense of worthlessness or anything like that. I am not depressed or sad, Im the opposite actually.

But the feeling is wierd and it is there. I have seen that scrums episode one of you mentioned (great show, not better than Dexter though).

It just feels completely plausible. Usually my crazy ideas seemed possible and thats it.

The hospital forced me to think clearly about the illuminati, NWO, and so on. So I have a different view on them now also. U can check it out on NWO forums. Illuminati=Extension of Nature is the headline.

But I cant get past this feeling. Very crazy. and when I was close to not surviving. I did not fear it...I felt at ease. Very comfortable.
Im not even 30.

craziest experience ever..
enjoy life u guys

maybe u are all a part of my last minute dream

Thanks for the replies so far.

I dont feel a sense of worthlessness or anything like that. I am not depressed or sad, Im the opposite actually.

But the feeling is wierd and it is there. I have seen that scrums episode one of you mentioned (great show, not better than Dexter though).

It just feels completely plausible. Usually my crazy ideas seemed possible and thats it.

The hospital forced me to think clearly about the illuminati, NWO, and so on. So I have a different view on them now also. U can check it out on NWO forums. Illuminati=Extension of Nature is the headline.

But I cant get past this feeling. Very crazy. and when I was close to not surviving. I did not fear it...I felt at ease. Very comfortable.
Im not even 30.

craziest experience ever..
enjoy life u guys

maybe u are all a part of my last minute dream

Interesting story.

Last year I nearly died myself and I spent 5 days in ICU.

I had a similar feeling, but what I really wonder sometimes is if I really did die and at some point the game restarted where I left off.

Another words I died and then a new universe spawned just for me and I continue to live the life that I lost in the last universe.

Then again maybe I'm still lying in some hospital somewhere and this is my coma or maybe I'm in hell cause it hasn't been all the great since I died.

Since it's my world - I guess I can do anything I want and make the best of it.

Thanks for the reminder.

[edit on 20-8-2008 by verylowfrequency]

hey original poster of this thread who asked the question,

i dont know why you added me as a foe, i was trying to defend you in my previous reply from Interestinggg's comment that you "should get checked for brain damage by a doctor", because naturally had you gotten brain damage or were at risk, the doctors already treating you for your condition would have told you this.

i found the comment to be disrespectful and not well thought out and my initial reply to this thread was directed at him, not you.

i can only imagine the pain and trauma and stress of dealing with such an injury or illness.

reply to post by MrJelly



Hey Mr jelly, i would love to know more about this, more about your moods, lifestyle..just curious..thanks....M

In the "Something has changed, timeline?" thread, there are many reports of anomalies which shouldn't be possible in reality, like the dead coming back to life like nothing ever happened.
Impossible unless we are all dead, and this is the afterlife already. An illusion that is subject to random changes?

reply to post by nuts!

Hey Mr jelly, i would love to know more about this, more about your moods, lifestyle..just curious..thanks....M

Its very odd. I had over 10 people (family) with me almost all the time. I know I am here now, as in I feel pain and I can observe reality.

But to be honest I just cant SHake the feeling that something happend that I could not handle and all of this is just a different reality I have in my head. Or its one long minute and I will wake up in the hospital soon right back where I was.

My mood is great. LOL, I am always happy. great job, travel like crazy..though it takes me a while to walk and I get tired soon

DID any of you ever watch the 4400 on USA. There was this great episode where they lived an entire life and woke up. THey held all the experiences from the dream or whatever.
great show..to bad it got cancelled.

I have also started LUCID DREAMING ever since coming out of the hospital. I go all over the world in my dreams.. I decided to go to china the other night and it was a blast.


could it be that I will wake up dead or in the hospital?
the obvious answer is no but then why does it seem that way.
ask any questions or make comments.

do the dude that I put the foe on. I cant stand your avatar or pic or whatever.

This is quite interesting

Mr. Jelly I am, so glad you are on the mend. You have had a rough year.

Did you have a NDE "near death experience"? Go through the tunnel or see any funny lights?

Could you have died in the OR and been resuscitated?


Glad to hear about you lucid dreaming

No tunnel, no light. nothing like that


I just remember being in there for about 6 days and being frightened every second. I could not breathe well, they did one surgery and it turned out that they got the fluid out but not the puss.
6 days of just being scared that I was going to die, what would happen to me.

I fell a sleep for about 20 minutes..(I never got more than an hour of sleep..its hard to sleep when u cant breathe)
when I woke up...I just had this feeling of comfort and a complete understanding of death. Almost like I did not mind of I did not exist anymore. I actually had no fear at all. I was not even concerned about what might happen to me once I die, heaven, rebirth, another dimension, whatever.


So when they took me the second time for the huge surgery I asked them to not put me to sleep untill I was going to get operated on.

I saw the operating room, spoke with the people in there..best as I could speak (they were shocked at how at ease I was).

Dont get me wrong, it was painful after the surgery with tupes and so on.

However, I still think that I might have died in that dream...or when I was sleeping. and this is my mind playing out what would have been, could have been.

Things are great and I SO Much appreciate you guys saying nice things and wishing me well.

It just seems like something MUST have happened.

reply to post by MrJelly


It's interesting to note how tentative our grasp is on consciousness and reality.

Amazing how vulnerable we are. A rap on the head and sometimes we're never the same.

One parallel is the way a person's personality can change when they have open heart surgery, possibly related to having the chest/rib cage cracked.

What are we really but a bundle of nervous impulses awash in a hormone soup.

I get your comment 'enjoy life', because it can be a tenuous and precious thing.

Thanks for the post and hope your situation improves.

reply to post by MrJelly


Perhaps you have found enlightenment and that death is not an ending??


Of course this is not a one line post.

Very intriguing, this. Do you think it might be associated in any way with parallel realities; De Ja Vu perhaps? What it could be for sure, I wish I could fathom. I have not the senses or expirience to make any kind of an educated guess to this case, but thanks for having the "open-mindedness" enough to share it. It really IS something I believe I have never felt in my short years lived.