Is it wrong to despise alcoholics?, page 1
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ATS Members have flagged this thread 6 times


reply posted on 18-8-2008 @ 03:38 PM by elevatedone
The following is my opinion as a member participating in this discussion.

Maybe despise is the wrong word? I don't know.

Both of my parents are alcoholics. My father is still living and it certainly didn't help at the time of my mothers death.

I don't despise them. I don't hate them, however there is a part of me that feels something from time to time.

I'm a grown man now, I remember my childhood well. My parents always drank, since I was born.

As kids, my brothers and I weren't abused or anything, not physically anyway. There was a lot of fighting between my parents, lots of yelling and yes on a couple of occasions it got physical between them.

My mother always cleaned and cooked, we had meals every day. Our clothes were washed and they made sure that we took care of ourselves as well. We were encouraged to do well in school and to try to do the best that we could in anything that we tried.

I actually think that I'm a better man today, because of the alcoholism of my parents. My father had a nice job, back in the 80s and early 90's in KY, he was making 40-50k a year. That was good money, but we were not middle class, we weren't dirt poor, but not as well off as we should have been.

I decided when I was about 18 that I wanted a better life than what my parents had, I wanted to give my kids a better life too. I knew that I was going to work hard to make this happen. My brothers both are doing ok also. One is an Iron worker, christian with a wife and 2 great kids. The other (youngest) He still lives at home with dad, has a job, works hard, but is still learning about life every day. We try to help him.

Sure I drink today, but only on occasion. I don't need or want it every day.

Despise, yeah, just not feeling that word towards my parents, I think I'm more angry at them for their actions and behavior.

As an ATS Staff Member, I will not moderate in threads such as this where I have participated as a member.



[edit on 18-8-2008 by elevatedone]


reply posted on 18-8-2008 @ 03:59 PM by IMAdamnALIEN
reply to post by capgrup


If it was learned, why aren't you an alcoholic too?

You cannot blame anyone for what has happened to your brother.

He has brought this upon himself. He made a decision to drink instead of being clear headed and sober.

It has nothing to to with a made up disease (alcoholism) ; which is similar to acid reflux disease and restless leg syndrome. They are made up to make the sufferer feel better about what they are going through. If its out of their hands then they have no control. On the contrary, they have complete control and are doing this to themselves.

There is nothing wrong with despising these types of individuals, even if it's family.....

He chose the wrong path. It has nothing to do with you or anyone else.

Do not pity, do not feel guilty, and do not feel shame, as they are pointless emotions directed at sorry individuals.

Keep your head up!


reply posted on 18-8-2008 @ 04:02 PM by St Udio
reply to post by capgrup




its your choice to despise anyone...alcoholics included

one one needs to understand that alcoholism is both a physical disease and a psychological disease & behavior problem.


the brain needs certain levels of chemicals to 'be normal'
if a sufferer does excessive alcohol...they are slowly killing themselves....
what you have to do is protect your life & civil rights from drunks that want to impose and cause destruction to their family, friends etc.


like the cops say...take control of the situation...
or stand the chance of becoming just another statistic.


seek counseling on what ways to deal with a-hole drunks,
they are out of control alcoholics and don't need pity or being hated/despised


thanks,


reply posted on 18-8-2008 @ 04:06 PM by woodwytch
reply to post by capgrup


Hey there capgrup,

I would say (without a seconds hesitation), that it is perfectly alright for you to step back from the situation. And the reason it's ok is because (a) you have to live your own life to it's fullest and happiest ... without feeling guilty about someone elses problem (b) you cannot waste your own life trying to help someone who does not want to be helped.


(let me explain);


I was married to an alcoholic for 21yrs ... yes, you did read that correctly I did say 21yrs (literally a lifetime), so I feel pretty well qualified to speak on this subject of alcoholism from the perspective of those who have to watch the alcoholic in question killing themselves ... and depending on the actions they exhibit (and these can vary enormously from alcoholic to alcoholic), potentially killing those closest to them either figuratively speaking (life with an alcoholic is soul-destroying) ... or god-forbid literally.

My ex-husband (a violent alcoholic), was physically ... psychologically and emotionally abusive to me throughout our entire marriage ... and yet I stayed with him so long mainly out of fear ... but also out of a misguided sense of loyalty.


He once stopped drinking for 6mths and it was great ... I didn't love him (that had been killed long before) ... but we were living a 'normal' life ... doing normal things. Then for no apparent reason he took the slippery slope again until he was even worse than before.

I could write pages on this subject but long story short ...

I finally filed for divorce after he assaulted our oldest son (18yrs old at the time) and his friend (one New Years Eve), with a double-barrelled shotgun ... the reason for the assault ... our son hadn't asked permission for his friend to stay over !!! They were not drunk or loud and the only reason the boy had stayed was because (being New Years Eve), he couldn't get a taxi home.

That was all a long time ago now and I live over a hundred miles away ... but he is still the same ... none of the children have anything to do with him but in spite of that ... he still drinks ... he's still violent. And I think he will always be that way.

So don't ever feel an obligation to be part of any kind of relationship if it is damaging to YOU in any way (it took me a helluva long time to realize that).

And yes, alcoholism can run in families (my ex's parents had both been heavy drinkers - although not alcoholic) ... but my son (who was assaulted), does not have a drink problem ... in fact he manages a pub (ironic hah) ? And don't assume that you may develop a problem because of the family history. Just think about your dad ... for him to stop and be dry for 21yrs is an amazing thing ... and takes enormous strength of character. I always have such admiration for those people who overcome drink and/or drug addiction ... it has to be the most difficult thing in the world.

If you do decide to step away don't have any regret or guilt ... but leave the door ajar ... so that if your brother ever manages to get his head together you can tell him how proud you are ... and with a clear head he would understand your reasons without blame.

Good luck (if you ever want to chat you can u2u me). Woody


reply posted on 18-8-2008 @ 04:38 PM by TheOneEyedProphet
HAving to deal with a loved one's addiction really hurts the mind, the people nearby are the ones that suffer the most, as they are the ones consciously giving meaning to the pain.

Its wrong to despise anyone, let alone an alcoholic, I'm not so sure alcoholism is a disease, its been labeled that way because of the damage and the difficulty to deal with that problem as a society, being a "disease" makes coping with it much easier, but something self inflicted cannot be a disease.

We have to take into account the reasons for drinking, many alcoholics start young, and by the time they are adults, they are already consummate drinkers, some drink to forget, some drink because they cant deal with some hurtful or emotionally disruptive behavior.

Its easy to judge when one is but a simple observer.
But in the end, the relatives have to draw the line, the people that love the addict must make the choice to stop suffering, when all has been tried, rehab clinics, the loss of family and friends, jobs, etc, they have to say thats enough.

I believe it gets worse when you have tried to help them but all they do is drag you along to the bottomless pit they choose to be.

Never deny them love, or time, but one must make sure to let them know the hell they are putting everyone into is not fair.
We live and die by the consequence of our actions, some people enjoy being victims of fate, relegating all personal responsibility on the shoulders of others...

good luck!
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