Honestly, Do You Want To Have Children Or Get Married?

All,

Just a question to see opinion, would you honestly want to get Married and or have kids? Personally? No. Marriage maybe, kids no. Would take a lot of convincing for me to want to father children. Not because Im a player or any thing, I just dont think ill have the time to raise kids, also I dont want to be the parent at the supermarket with the screaming kids!

I know heaps of members here have children, would be good to know how they feel and their experiences, is it really that bad? Is it worth it some day?

do i wanna get married? yes.

do i want kids? HELL NO!!!!

Woman's perspective here...
I was married now separated, divorce will be final by the end of the year.
I have children, some grown, some still very young.
My choice?
I love my kids. Not one minute do I ever regret bringing them into the world or my life.
Marriage?
FORGET IT.
I wasted TOO MUCH of my life on that, and I'll never make that mistake again.
That doesn't mean I wouldn't like to find someone to spend time with. But that's it..
QBall, Eric..you guys are both young. Enjoy it.Carefully.

Eventualy I wanna get married and have kids some day. But Im in no rush, I still have a long way to go in life yet.

Been there, done that, got the PTSD for it, thank you.

Would have rather had my son without getting married, heck at this point I would have rather had my son without my ex wifes involvement. (Course that sorta thing is kinda difficult for us guys)

It is not something I am thinking about right now, actually I would prefer to delay it as long as possible lol. But my dad keeps mentioning marriage, and how I'm gonna have to get married soon, I'm 22. ( male)

I hate those conversations, because I feel like I'm being rushed or something.
He says if I wait too long I will be too old when my kids grow up......

I really never plan things, I just live in the moment, so all this future plans stuff never comes to mind.

[edit on 18-8-2008 by _Phoenix_]

I was married, it was hell. She was so possesive and wanted to have way too much freedom. I don't want kids right now, but maybe if I find the right woman, i'd love to get married and have just 2 kids.

If i met the right girl, id get married. But again, if she wanted kids i may give in. Not without letting her know about my feelings first and seeing if we can afford to also, Id hate to be broke, id want the best for my kids...but again...id prefer not to have any kids.

Originally posted by q_ball
If i met the right girl, id get married. But again, if she wanted kids i may give in. Not without letting her know about my feelings first and seeing if we can afford to also, Id hate to be broke, id want the best for my kids...but again...id prefer not to have any kids.

I think the view on kids change over time, as we get older I'm sure we may feel more comfortable with the idea. I know I would probably make a great father, kids seem to think I'm fun for some reason, haha.

By the way how old are you?



[edit on 18-8-2008 by _Phoenix_]

Hi phoenix, sure age makes a difference, but I've met girls who want to have kids very young, most of the girls i've dealt with were between 21 and 25 and they all would love to have kids. I think that's kinda young, but I think woman have a different bio clock that tells them to have children at a younger age and men at an older age.

Hey q_ball. I never thought that I would get married, and if I did, that man would have long hair, play Rush all day and not even own a suit. Funny how life turns out. My husband's hair is short, he hates Rush (go figure) and wears a suit. But I waited until I was a little older to get married, I experienced all that I could on my own before sharing my life with someone else. It's all good.

I never thought that I would have children. I thought that they would interfere with my free spirit, not to mention the fact that I had no idea what to do with a baby. Now I have two children and wouldn't change a thing.

Look, life changing things such as marriage and children can be really scary, but on the other hand may be the most satisfying part of your life. Children are a gift, and we should treat them as such. It's hard, not always a walk in the park and quite frankly sucks sometimes....teens...ug, but is worth every second. And we also waited until we were BOTH ready. I'm not real big on surprises. lol Don't worry, you have lots and lots of time.

Plus the hospital had a 'no return' policy. :bnghd:

Rush

reply to post by _Phoenix_


Hey Phoenix,

Your dad is right! The longer you wait the less precious time you will have to spend with your children ,but not rushing into anything is a good idea too.
I think most people make that mistake and convince themselves that they have found the right person to marry or have children with.

I am a very lucky man. My wife and I are a perfect match ,but we knew each other for a very long time before we even dated. We were a couple for almost a decade before we decided to get married and have kids. Finding the right person is the hardest part. If you do find this person having kids is the easy part.

Marriage? I'll probably never get married. Marriage isn't a true commitment anymore. It's just a title to demonstrate the level of love that two people have for one another. To me, the cons outweigh the pros in this situation.

Kids? Nah, their too expensive. It's a personal responsibility thing.

-Dev

Phoenix, im in my early twenties. I will be finish studying late in my twenties, and shoul only really begin my career when im 30. I cant have kids, wont be financially viable, and will also damage 9 years of total study it will be when I graduate.

Oh well, wont say definately, you never know...but prefer not to. As for marriage, maybe.

[edit on 18-8-2008 by q_ball]

I guess its really a personal thing,

I would love to be married But its not something I would jump in to, It would have to be right for me, I would have to love with my whole heart and be 100% that this person is someone I believe I could never live without, I’m a bit of a romantic and I guess I find it hard to find the right fella to fit that lol

The idea of having someone there for you, Loving you no matter what, growing together and kinda living within your own little world no matter what’s happening out side appeals to me,

Kids! HECK YES!!! I love them! Maybe selfishly lol as I was brought up without a mother as she gave me up at 6 weeks old so maybe I just want to prove to myself that I can be the best mommy in the world, I know what I missed and I want to give my children all of that,

I don’t look at kids as a handful or screaming in super markets, But amazing little people with a big mind and a thirst for knowledge, I look forward to taken on that task and watching the outcome, I cant wait!


[edit on 18-8-2008 by asala]

Originally posted by silverking
reply to post by _Phoenix_

 

Hey Phoenix,

Your dad is right! The longer you wait the less precious time you will have to spend with your children ,but not rushing into anything is a good idea too.
I think most people make that mistake and convince themselves that they have found the right person to marry or have children with.

Yes I know he's right about that part. I'm lucky he had me at around 24, so now he's only like 46.

Your right, find the right woman, and everything else comes into motion.

Asala, I have absolutely no doubt that you will be a wonderful and amazing mother.

I was 31 when I had my 1st and 37 with my second and must say that these are the best years of my life. There really is something to say about waiting until you are totally ready and have no doubts. And contrary to some belief, I'm still young enough and fun enough to enjoy them.

Q_ball, in my early 20's I would have never been thinking about children. I'm glad that you are giving it some thought and what you want out of your life. Finish school, have a great time and then see where life takes you. You may be very surprised.

BTW, my kids don't like Rush either .

Rush

reply to post by _Phoenix_


Phoenix,

You get it! I didn't doubt that. Just wanted to make you hear yourself say it!


Asala,
Are you trying to make a grown man cry? Coming from a daddy... I can't imagine not having a mommy! My wife can relate to your unfortunate childhood experience ,but that's exactly why she is such a wonderful mommy!

It's usually the parents that lived the hard life that become the best candidates for raising children. I hope the best for you and I'm sure in time you will find the right person that you are looking for. After that.... It all just sort-of plays itself out and once you do have a child to guide through this confusing world..... you suddenly realize that the world is not as big as it seems.

Just like everything in life, it has it's pros and cons.

Marriage is a two way street, but unfortunately most people think that the problem is the other persons to deal with not theirs therefore the marriage never works out. People are just too egotistical these days to actually admit that they are part of the problem. I'll say it again, two way street people not a one way where all the problem are the spouse not you. Nobody's perfect and until we realize this and are willing to work together than the marriage will not last.

As far as children goes. There are different aspects of life one person experiences while the other doesn't. We all feel that the other person is living a better life than we are. "The grass is always greener on the other side" syndrome. The single person envies the married person, while the person with a seemingly happy life raising kids may yurn for those days of being carefree and no tight schedule to keep.

With this said there is never a point in life for most that they are happy unless they realize that they need to be content with the dicissions they make in life and quit thinking about other peoples lifes.


I've been married, It was great for a very short period and would never do it again. I would live with someone for the rest of my life, but marriage changes attitudes instantly.

Kids? That is a joyus experience that I'm willing to miss out in my life.