posted on Aug, 15 2008 @ 08:34 PM
I've been reading ATS off and on for a few years now and after spending 3 hours on here today, I finally have the balls to post.
I always knew I was different since I was little. I always was fascinated with Wicca, UFO's, Ghosts, the Occult, and still have my fear of Bigfoot. I
started getting gut feelings as I grew up, telling me when a choice was bad or when something didnt feel right. 90% of the time I would go against it
and realize I was wrong. I brushed it off as intuition. Things got a bit more vivid once I hit my 20's and I started having visions. Weirdly enough,
they would last about 3-4 seconds and whatever I saw would immediately happen (i.e. a guy proposing to a woman in the middle of the hotel lobby). They
come to me as "What if....happened?" and it happens. I used to brush it off but as they came more and more frequently, I semi-believed I had some
sort of ability. I think its gone/dead/sleeping now, no idea really because I dont get them anymore.
I never agreed with religion, or really Catholicism. I never felt comfortable in church, I throw up Communion every time (I quit taking it after my
First Communion), Ive never had any contact with God/Angels/Satan, nothing from the afterlife really. I dont know why I throw the Communion up, maybe
because its so bland. I always thought it should have flavor or something but oh well.
The post on here about feeling as if something is wrong/timeline/time changes, I feel that too. Deja Vu hits me constantly, I feel as if Im alone with
some of the things I feel, but most of all as if nobody understands me. I used to be extremely social, but as I get older (21 now), I get less and
less social, I dont want to go anywhere, be around people, just want to be alone. Depressed? I dont think so, I cant explain what I feel, I just feel
the need to be alone.
I make stupid mistakes to others, with others, etc. I read a post on here about people being invulnerable. I think that describes me a little, but not
physically. Ive never been hospitalized, sick, had surgery, etc. I broke something for the first time this year and that healed pretty quickly.
Regardless, when I make these mistakes/get in serious trouble, I seem to come out unscathed. No matter what I do, I never get the worst punishment, it
just seems to go away. Maybe its my personality, maybe its just compassion from others, but I think its much more serious, something from
above/beyond, similar to what the post stated. Im not saying Im destined for anything great, I dont even believe that, but I think theres some sort of
other-worldly being that watches over me. Confused about that one too.
I have this attachment to the occult, mainly witchcraft and for some reason, Im fascinated with demons. I honestly know that if I did get involved in
Wicca, I would drift over to the Left Hand Path, or the dark stuff. Why? Its where I feel most comfortable. I dont want to harm others, and I dont
want to communicate with demons, but I have to avoid researching Wicca online and especially here in New Orleans. Theres stores everywhere dealing
with the occult, not that hard to find books on Black Magic. Ive never done a ritual, hell I dont even know how, but this attraction to it bothers me.
So, whats the point of my post? Im wondering it too. I guess Im trying to see if there are others out there who feel something, if not everything,
that I feel. I cant talk to my parents about this, my friends will think Im crazy, so I keep it all inside. If you have any thoughts or think I should
commit myself, let me know. Thanks.