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lost and hopelessly overstrained

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posted on Aug, 14 2008 @ 03:07 PM
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hello everybody.
i don't expect attention from you. but i hope one or another person here can empathize with me and my inner situation.

first of all i'd like to clarify some things, so you can understand my thoughts, fears and points of view.
i am a 22 year old chemistry-student. science is a big part of my life, as well as the scientific way of thinking. i also has a lot of other interests, like media, but science is my "alter ego".
apart from that i am a very poor person with absolutely no selfconfidence, no position and almost (except of a few very good friends) no social contacts.

i came to ats because i am lost.
i am lost in this system, i was born in.
the problem is, to see what role i'm playing in this universe.

i see myself as a grain of sand in a twister. although i am studying chemistry, i cannot array my enviroment, least of all myself.
i have absolutely no influence on most of the things surrounding me. neither the sympathy of a new lab-mate nor the weather.

so i spent a lot of time with thinking. thinking about this system i'm living in. and that is why i chose ats. my keynote is the sense of human being. what IS human being, at all?
maybe there is this higher form of life somewhere out there. (but i don't care of details. i don't care how it could look like ...) but IF there IS something, wouldn't life on this earth become less important? wouldn't the curiosity, that is grounded in human's nature, lead to a moment or result in a state that the other form of life becomes a higher worth?

maybe i am to paranoid (that could be a result of a drug period in my life) but i cannot arrange all these thoughts with my person as a part of this huge machinery.


maybe there are a few people here, that share my fears and thoughts and would like to share their impressions with me.




posted on Aug, 14 2008 @ 03:20 PM
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Hi.

I would suggest (really) reading "A Short History Of Nearly Everything" by Bill Bryson. It really helps put things into perspective.

In relation to how massive the universe is to us, we do seem quite insignificant. However, all the requirements being met for us to exist right here and now is pretty amazing (in our own view anyway).



posted on Aug, 14 2008 @ 03:42 PM
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There are many who will empathize and sympathize with your perceptions. Breath deep. I will not belabor the advice I give: Patience, you WILL come to understand, and you will need to help the next person, who enters this realization of the relativity of our existence and the true purpose of the thing that is the real you, behind the ego, behind the body, outside of the physical and materialistic/mundane claptrap we created for ourselves in this world.

Try perusing around and you may find some true kindred spirits around here..., it can't hurt.

Check out this thread

Is anyone else going through this?

It's a little long, but there will be those with whom I would suggest you exchange ideas. There is always hope. Always.



posted on Aug, 15 2008 @ 10:18 AM
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thank you for attention.

maybe i will read bill bryson one day. but my intention writing posts on ats is, the search for discussion-partners. people who share my thoughts.

i am a highly realistic person. it is less the problem of understanding how our world works. it is more the arrangement of me, my ego, my soul, in this system.

@maxmars:
you suggested to look about on ats, what i did.
but i did not find much threads about the mental aspects of my problem or my problemS. plural.
(the link you gave me, was highly interesting. i'm still reading. thanks.)


around 4, maybe 5, years ago, i was highly addicted on weed (and did a lot of other #). it took me a long time to get away of this.
during my drug-time i never thought of ANYTHING like that. life was nothing important to me. i did not care what i was or what meaning life had to me.
but now. i do not spent my time in getting high and forgetting my surroundings. i spent a lot more time in thinking.
maybe my carrer is the reason for my "mind-change". and i know, that my problem is not an understanding one. it is more the attraction and the hope to find someone who knows what i am talking about.




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